Sunday, May 14, 2006

Long Time Between Blogs

First and foremost, dedicated readers, I'd like you all to accept my apologies for taking so freaking long to post. A few factors have contributed to this: an international guest, the death of the computer downstairs in Pam's place, the likely death of my computer by sledgehammer if I have to use it because it is so painfully slow. This will be a rather long one methinks, so brace yourselves......

I have been entertaining an international guest, Miss Olympia aka Emma, who came over for Round Two of fun times here in Parmageddon. It was her birthday and she was hanging with her bad self in Budapest, so I demanded she get her ass back here. She arrived on Wednesday and was lucky enough to have a lesbian-esque experience on the bus on the way to The 'Ganza with a heavily bearded, fellow female commuter who kept brushing her hand against her's and blushing. Thursday was her big day, but I had to work so we just went to Allie's after work and drank and ate. On Friday night we had big plans. We were going to hit the town and really 'rock out with our cocks out' (a fave saying of Ms. Olympia's), but those huge plans never did come to fruition with the two of us curled up in bed watching the TV by 8pm. Totally hard core, I know.

On Saturday we decided to do something a little touristy and we went back to the medieval town for a bit of a look around and a beverage. On the table next to us were some weird ass, Swiss fuckers drinking wine out of bowls. Bowls! WTF?!? Maybe it was some kind of strange custom to shun the use of a glass. And maybe the fat (as in probably hasn't seen his cock in the last decade or so) balding mofo that started taking pictures of me with his cell phone despite me flipping the bird at him on several occasions and saying 'Don't fucking take pictures of me you prick' was following some kind of weird custom too. I was close to picking up the empty water bottle and throwing it at his head. I was oh so very close. But instead I chose the Diva Turn Exit and stormed off to the car.

The great unveiling of Mr. Wonderful took place on Saturday afternoon. Emma is the first person from Australia to have met Mr. Wonderful. We went out to dinner where, of course, he asked her all about her sexual experiences. Threesomes? HLA (Hot Lesbian Action)? Anal? No stone was left unturned. He then trotted off to the discoteque and we went to Via Farini and met some of the other teachers for drinks and saw some peeps banging bongo drums in some kind of procession. I know not what it was in aide of.

Sunday morning came and we were gagging to get a bit of sport pumping through our veins. Parma was playing Milan that afternoon and it was going to be a sellout. We weren't sure if we would be able to get tickets because it was the last match of the season here in Parma and there are alot of Milan supporters here in Parma. A pact was made between the two of us that we would be willing to suck cock if it meant securing a couple of tickets. Much to our dismay, it didn't come to that. We got tickets without having to get down on bended knee. A bit disappointing considering we were looking forward to getting some pre game cock in mouth action. The weather was steaming hot, the beer gave us a headache and Parma lost, but we still had a great time.I bought a flag which I think I waved once and Emma bought a jersey and was looking hot to trot. We met up with Matteo and some of his friends and then met up with Jenny afterwards for a quick beverage at the Tapas Bar. We kicked on to Mr. W's and on the way back from the church he bought us icecream. How lovely of him!

The Parma Supporters.

Ms. Olympia left yesterday morning after a night of high drama. I'm thinking of changing Mr. W's name. Look at the list I have managed to come up with, read the story and then decide which one suits him the best.

The List of Possible Names:

Mr. Green Light Red Light
Mr. Hot Cold Hot Cold
Mr. I Don't Know What The Fuck I Want
Mr. Stop Trying To Control My Life

I think Mr. W is a serious contender for the next Oscar for Best Dramatic Performance. This is a bit of a long story but I need to tell you all of the facts so the picture is clear. On Thursday night I said to him 'Tomorrow is Emma's last night so do you want to go out for dinner?', to which he replied 'Yes'. Friday 5.30pm rocked around and he called and said 'I'm going out with my friend for dinner'. WTF? Usually, this kind of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest, but we had everything ready to go to his place after I had finished work etc and it was Emma's last night. So I just thought it was a little on the rude side.

After I hung up on him I called him back (I have been known to do this in the past as well, not with Mr. W, but the concept defies logic. Why hang up on someone and then call them back?). I said to him in a calm voice 'I asked you not once but twice last night if you were coming to dinner and you answered not once but twice that yes you would be coming out to dinner. And now you're saying you're not coming'. Then Mr. W decided that then was an appropriate time to get smart and answered 'So what is the problem? You can't eat dinner?' hahahaha! Score one Mr. W! Although at the time I was not laughing. He later sms'd me and said for us to go there at 7.30pm for dinner. I sent an sms back saying 'I'm working until 8.30pm. We'll get ready at your place and then go out. See you at 8.30'. During the drive to the school, we decided just to change the whole plan and go and hang at Allie's instead, since Mr. W was being a pain in the ass. When I finished work I called him to advise him of the change of plans and to go hang with his friend. He then told me that he had cancelled his plans and that he was waiting for us to have dinner at his house. I said Allie was having dinner with us too and that we were going to go to her house instead.

Cherry & Mr. W.

(Cher tries out new 'fringe hair look', Mr. W. had his man period that night too. I think it's a weekly thing)

Suddenly, going out for dinner turns into dinner at his place (at his insistence) and then when he got home from church he upped the anti, putting on the performance of his life. Declaring loudly at the stove to Emma that 'Tomorrow he would change his life'. How exactly, was not clear, but he continued with the bad manners and rude behaviour for the next half an hour. I say half an hour, because that is the length of time that we stayed there. When we were eating dinner I asked him what was wrong. 'I speak to you tomorrow'. Sorry fucker. Guess again, we'll speak now about this now since your being such an asshole in front of my friends. We all got our shit together (including vodka and tonic supplies) and Allie and Emma headed for the door whilst I stayed to 'chat' with Mr. W. The funny thing was that Mr. W was genuinely bewildered as to why we were ditching the dinner and got out of there. He must have been oblivious to the tension he had created.

Anyway, I stayed behind for a talk with him. And by talk I mean, him talking and not listening to a word that I said and him talking over the top of me. Apparently, it turns out he wanted some space and wanted to be alone that night. So why insist that we come over for dinner when the original plan was to go out? I'm still confused over this whole thing. I just don't understand. I think he thinks I'm trying to control his life and that has pissed me off because that is so not me. I'm a live and let live kinda gal.

I needed confirmation that I am not a control freak and sms'd my ex bf to ask him if I was like that. He replied that it was one thing I couldn't be accused of and that maybe Mr. W needs to change his diet and exercise program to allow more seratonin to his brain. hahaha. Loves it!

Maybe I should change his name to Ms. Wonderful because he is really carrying like a girl.

I haven't seen him since then but he just sms'd me so I don't know if I'll be seeing him later today. I certainly won't be the one to suggest a ren dez vous for fear of giving the impression that I am smothering him. hahaha. Oh Mr. W, for the love of god, let's attempt to regain the realness!!

On a lighter note, I sideswiped a fat lady decked out in aquamarine last Thursday. That kind of thing can happen when you step out onto the road in front of a car. Luckily no injuries were sustained by either the mirror or the fat lady. In fact, she didn't even appear to notice........

Thanks for your patience, biatches. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I'll also be posting pics of the swiss fat fuck and another bitch waitress on Via Farini that have made my hit list. Mr. W's pic might yet make that list. Stand by peeps.

Posted by Cherry! :: 11:56 am :: 31 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

You want a piece too???

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