Friday, June 23, 2006

Red Card, My Friend, Red Card

Somewhat caught up in the frenzy that is World Cup Fever I've started issuing my own red and yellow cards.

Following are just two examples of circumstances that were totally beyond my control and I had no other alternative but to issue RED CARDS:

RED CARD NUMERO UNO:

I received a phone call on Tuesday night at 12.45am after a month of me 'allegedly' giving the caller my number. He was Italian, claimed to be named Elvis (I'm not even joking and he wasn't either from what I could tell) and asked me if I was still in Milan. I spoke quickly in English to him, knowing he couldn't understand a word (it's the best trick in the world) before hanging up on him. He called back. When he asked me again if I was still in Milan I said yes and hung up again on 'The King'. I'm not, and never was, in Milan but I thought I'd throw him off the scent a bit. Create mass confusion, if you will. Quite clearly I did cause mass confusion but only for me. I thought hanging up on him twice was message enough. Can you believe he called again?? By this stage Elvis was getting on my nerves, so I just ignored it. Then he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me for coffee. Dream on Elvis!

I think Elvis had his wires crossed. Firstly, I don't know anyone going around claiming to be Elvis, secondly I don't want to know anyone going around claiming to be Elvis. I've only ever been to Milan once, so I think he has the wrong person. But even if I was the correct person, why did he wait a month to call and then until 12.45am.

RED CARD NUMERO DUE:

Last night I was sitting at my computer, just Blog Whoring my way around blogs as I so love to do. Then at 11.45pm I received an sms. Before I delve into the details I'll just give you a bit of background info on this guy Luca. We met through one of KJ's students also named Luca and then te next night all four of us had dinner, and then I ran into him one night on Via Farini. I am not attracted to him in the slightest. He is so not attractive to me and he has a dress sense that even Blind Freddy could surpass. And I'm not being nasty there, I just speak the truth. Here's how the conversation went:

Luca: Hi how are you? Kisses Luca (bare in mind the kisses mean nothing. They throw that around like it's going out of fashion)

Cherry: Hi! I'm really well. Good to hear from you. How are you? Kisses

Luca: I'm fine. Where are you now? (WTF????)

Cherry: I'm in Parma until Tuesday morning. Doing nothing, just relaxing and enjoying it!

Luca: Are you at home alone? (Yes, and I have some racy red lingirie on, porn on the TV now all I need is you, big boy!)

Cherry: No. (A lie, I live alone but in an apartment above my boss. I don't want worlds colliding, if you know what I mean)

Luca: Would you like to meet me? (I'm thinking in a group scenario on Via Farini maybe, but you're freaking me out!)

Cherry: When? Next weekend is better for me. I don't want to do anything this weekend.

Luca: On Monday night is for me is good...at your home. (Actually, I don't believe I gave you the option of Monday night and in my house?? WTF??)

Cherry: No. I'm working Monday night. My house is not an option because I live in the apartment above my boss. Sorry.

Luca: So when for you?

Cherry: I'm afraid never for me, Luca. I've just had to issue you with a RED CARD!

WARNING: Cherry is a jerk free zone and if you try to get near her she will have no choice but to RED CARD you.

Posted by Cherry! :: 11:44 pm :: 20 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

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