Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Lettin' the Good Times Roll

The view of the river Baganza from the mountain we were shooting on.

Okay, so I haven't blogged for a bit. Monday and Tuesday were holidays here so that meant fun times were to be had peeps. On Friday afternoon I went for a run with Matteo and then spent the night in getting some rest before daybreak when we were going shooting. Yes, I realise this is not everyone's cup of tea. Shooting and all that jazz, but each to their own. I had never been before so it was something I wanted to experience. I did shoot the gun once. This was the first time I had ever shot a gun and it was fabulous. The trigger wasn't as hard as what I thought it would be. And the kickback wasn't too bad either. I told Mr. Wonderful next year I'm getting me one of those rifles, whacking on the cammo's and getting out there and getting amongst it. There was a bit of a mix up at one stage though with a fellow hunter calling out 'Vieni qua brutta putana' (Come here bad slut). For a minute I thought he was talking to me but it turned out he was calling his dog.

Nonno rocks my world.

'I like her. We can't really understand each other but we like each other'

(quote from Nonno on Saturday)

After shooting we went to Via Farini for a beverage with friends. Via Farini is a hot spot in downtown Parma. It's the place to be seen and it's all about 'Ciao Ragazzi'ing , double air kisses and getting the Gucci gear out. It was my first time there and we went again last night. There was a concert on in the piazza and it was packed like a black man's undies. Every Parmagiano and their dog was out and about for the festa.

The peeps in the Jeep

The rest of the weekend was quite domesticated and coupley. Seriously, a few times I thought I may throw up because of the whole scene. We went out for dinner with two other couples, we went and bought things for the house and yesterday morning his cleaner came over to clean the terrace. For some reason I had an urge to *SHUDDER* perform manual labour and cleaned out the fridge and rearranged the cupboards. Yes, first I take over the cupboards, next: Evil World Domination. Mr. Wonderful also claimed to be doing 'alots of works' but all I saw him do was scratch his crotch a few times and rearrange his porn drawer. Whilst doing this 'alots of works' he did find me this Columbian bracelet though. I think it's cool.

Nothing much else except before we went out for dinner with the other couples we went to a medieval town. We went into an antique shop which doubled as a house for an eccentric man and his wife. It was quite cool because it had an actual well with water in it in the kitchen. As quick as you can say 'crotch' he was pouring everyone a glass of champers and entertaining the peeps with stories of the house and his daughter who happened to be crowned Miss Italia a few years ago. I have included some pics of the town for your viewing pleasure, dear reader.

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

A Small Fucking Break..........

...........that's all I ask for. Because changing the name of 'Fairy Penguins' to 'Little Penguins' for fear of offending the gay community is really just taking it to a whole new level......

Actually it's not all I ask for. I also ask for a pair of Chanel sunglasses to join the Gucci and Dior's so I'm getting them. I tried them on when I went to Mantova a while back and was going to buy them but decided to think about it for a while. I hadn't thought about them for a while and then on Friday night I dreamt about them. This was a sign, I was so sure of it. I asked Mr. Wonderful if he, too, thought it was a sign that I must have them. He said no, but that he would buy them for me anyway......should I mention the boob job I dreamt about on Monday night????

The Chanel Numbers

The Gucci Numbers

The Dior Numbers

This week has been relatively uneventful apart from Tuesday night when I arrived at Mr. Wonderful's house so hungry I could've chewed the crotch out of a ragdoll. I had been expecting dinner ready and waiting, but when I walked through the door I saw a mop leaning against the wall. The conclusion that I immediately jumped to was that Mr. Wonderful had been *SHUDDER* performing manual labour, as in cleaning the apartment. As it turns out he'd been so engrossed in the soccer match on the television that the sink in the kitchen had runneth over. He stood there naked apart from his slippers and explained to me in his gorgeous broken English 'I hear a funny sound, but I don't think because I watch the game. I'm am very dangerous man this night, amore.' and laughed. Too cute!

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Easter Fun!

This picture is taken from the terrace off the room we stayed in.

I hope everyone had a great Easter break, as did I!

Friday night started the weekend off well with Mr. Wonderful dancing around the stove whilst cooking me dinner, singing 'I love you Renee! Yes I do! I love Renee!'

On Saturday we set off for the mountains stopping along the way to quench our thirst for vino. Mr. Wonderful rents a couple of rooms above the bar in this one horse town and everyone there is like family to him. He hasn't been there for six months and was greeted with 'We thought you were dead' and the like.

Some of the peeps and me

It's amazing because this town is just one hour from Parma, but you'd think it was like five hours from the next town. The way of life is completely different. The men all go to the bar and drink and play cards all day long. On Saturday, when we arrived, that's what we did too. Well, I didn't play cards, but I drank and chatted in my spectacular Italian with the locals. We had dinner at a restaurant and the food was divine!

The card playing. Mr W. is the one at the front

On Sunday after we visited a nearby town we did the same thing again. Drank, played cards and chatted with the locals. There was one extra activity that was thrown into the mix on this day though and that was singing. Yes, these men love to sing. But when they cracked out the accordions I knew it was time to run for cover. Seriously, I learnt my lesson from this kind of thing in France. I just thanked my lucky stars there were no bagpipes laying around. At the village hoe down in France last year my ears nearly started to bleed and whenever we heard bagpipes after that we all got the hell out of there quick smart.

The bar.

The next two weeks will be psychological preparation for the May Day celebrations that will be going down in the village. Every year the men board a bus and go to another village and walk and drink and sing and play the accordions all the way back to their village. I think that's the way it works anyway (the photos everywhere in the bar show all the men walking and shit). Mr. Wonderful has put in a special request that I, The Cherry Bomb, be allowed to go where no person of the female variety has gone before. Namely, he has requested permission for moi to board that bus and join in with the festivities. I think the boss of the day is thinking about it. The boys seem to think that this won't be possible 'because we'll be drinking'. Mr. Wonderful told them that I drink more than them and that I should be allowed to go. I await the verdict, but I'm not holding my breath. These are country folk that don't like these blokey events invaded by females sniffing around.

All in all a fabulous weekend! Thank you Mr. Wonderful! You are the best!

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Friday, April 14, 2006

Amen Sista!

I wasn't going to post today, but I took a couple of pics of Mr Wonderful's street and I wanted to put them on here. I have been meaning to take some for a while. Mainly because when I leave in the morning I like the shadowing (on the first one anyway) and light combined with the colours of the houses.

I'm feeling a little better today. There were those few things irritating me but I think I'm almost over it....Phew! I seriously need to chill the fuck out sometimes. Sometimes if I was anymore relaxed my heart would probably stop, but sometimes things get to me. Cracks in this perfect life start to appear and I feel like exploding. Not unlike a Cherry Bomb. hahaha.

Mr Wonderful and I are off to church tonight for Good Friday. I know you're probably thinking 'What is that cock sucking, crotch perving, slutty sinner and her swinging boyfriend rocking onto the holy house for?'. Good Friday is pretty much the only day that I go to church, being the good Catholic that I am. He died for us, so it's only fair. Sometimes I go on Easter Sunday too. Mr Wonderful goes to some volunteer thing every Friday night to talk to the peeps that less off than him. He also went last Sunday to get some olive branches. I had planned to go but opted instead to give him something to talk about with the priest in the confession booth (think cock, think mouth) before sending him on his way and kicking back to watch WWE on the television. I'm glad I did because it soon came to light that it was like a stampede with all the old ladies trampling each other to get their god fearing mits on some olive branch. Forget the Running of the Bulls try the Trampling of the Nonnas.

After church we're going to drink with the peeps and then tomorrow we're off to the mountains. With all this mountaineering I've been doing it's lucky I've been practicing my yodelling. I'm thinking of turning professional with this number:

There's a party on the hill

Would you like to come?

Yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-hee-hoo

Bring your own bread and butter

And your own fat bum

Yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-hee-loo

It's hard to spell the sound of yodelling, but I'm sure you get the idea. If you don't get the idea put a cock and your mouth and make a gargling sort of sound or something. It's kind of similar.

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Where are you Serenity?

There are a few things getting to me this week. 'What Cher? Trouble in Paradise?' I hear you all sing. Nah. I'm just a bit tired and need to get things off my desperately-in-need-of-a-boob-job-chest.

* Don't step on my toes. You're pissing me off.
* Mind your own fucking business for a fucking change.
* Stop the whole ego tripping, I'm the organiser, they're my friends not your friends high school fucking bullshit when you know we're all going to end up going anyway so what difference does it make? Please!
* Everyone stop telling me what to do and let me call the shots once in a while.
* I hate tight asses. (I'm talking about the money variety not actual tight asses)

Ah! That feels a bit better! And actually before any of you jump to the wrong conclusion only one of them is loosely directed at Mr. Wonderful, but not only at him (hence the use of the word 'everyone' hehehe), to a couple of other peeps too.

On a lighter note, last night I went to Stefano's leaving party after teaching. It was so much fun! I had a great time and will be hanging with those guys more often! Stefano was quite touchy feely and some of the boys were laying bets on he and I getting it on. Matteo was flirtatious and I flirted back. I love to flirt. And Andrea was keen to get the 'real' English lessons underway. Namely, sex, threesomes, gang bangs and, of course, cocks. We drank and laughed. Oooooh, how we laughed! And then I actually came home to my own apartment in The 'Ganza! Shock! Horror! And guess what? I actually woke up still breathing depsite the fact that I did not wake up next to Mr. Wonderful! Amazing! But he sent me an sms saying 'Good morning. Kiss you!' first thing which put a smile on my face.

Here is a pic taken on Monday morning. I was driving back from Mr. Wonderful's house and the sun looked great, but I couldn't stop to take a pic of it. So when I got home I took a shot of the sun just outside my house. The colour could be a bit better but I still like it.

Happy Easter everyone!

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Would you like some crotch with that?

Depending on how long you've been reading my blog you may / may not know that if I ever went on a television game show my introduction would go something like this:

'Our next contestant is Cherry. She a part time English teacher who enjoys looking at crotches and talking about cocks.'

Anyway, I thought it was high time I delivered on the lingering promise of crotch shots and ordered Mr Wonderful to strike a pose. I captured his bod coupled with crotch but have left out his face (mainly so I have one more Full Face Friday up my sleeve).

When this crotch hits your eye like a big pizza pie

That's Amore!

The weekend was great. We did quite a bit. Ran in the park, I gave him a massage, he had the boys over for dinner and I cooked dinner at Kiwi Jenny's for the Gal Pals.

On Sunday we went for lunch at the Nonna & Nonno's again. Upon arriving I was quizzed by Nonno as to whether we were having sex every day, when I was going hunting and then asked if I'd like to move into the spare apartment there. Then his Dad rocked in, straddled me and said 'Ciao. Tutto bene?'. Smooth operator! By the end of the lunch his father had asked me to move in with him for two months so he can learn english, and Nonno had slipped some Grappa into my coffee which made it taste like petrol (but I still drank it, in case you're wondering).

Last night I taught the group of eight guys that I teach every Monday night. I didn't feel much like teaching and they didn't feel like learning. The lesson was ssupposed to be on 'Meetings' and when they found out about Mr. Wonderful (one of them asked what I did on the weekend) they wanted to know everything. So we really did speak about 'Meetings' just a different kind. Matteo said the lesson was 'Listening Comprehension'. Fine by me. But I did teach them one verb 'to pick up' (as in at a bar). When I got to the part about having lunch with the family they errupted 'OOOOOOOH!!!!! Renee!!!! You're engaged!' Ha! How come no one told moi?

Stefano is leaving the company so they gave me the invitation for his leaving do on Wednesday night. They are playing a game of soccer and then having dinner. It also says that in between there will be water bombs thrown so the girls must wear white t-shirts. I'm about to send an sms to Matteo saying I'll wear a white t-shirt as long as all the men wear white underpants and I can throw water bombs at their crotches. If they're going to see my 'barely there chest' I'd like to cop an eyeful of crotch!

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Friday, April 07, 2006

Full Face Friday

Half Nekkid Thursday will be loooooooong forgotten with the introduction of FULL FACE FRIDAY!
Here is my pic for those of you that demanded it. Yeah, it's for all two of you.... It's with the fabulous Nonna Wonderful taken last Sunday at the luncheon. It's not the greatest of me, but you get the general idea, no doubt.

Now if you can drag your eyes away from the pictured beauty above (that's ME I'm talking about) I'll tell you a bit about my week....

It has pretty much been a very trying week for The Cherry Bomb, to say the least. Here are some of the Lowlights:

* I haven't been feeling well all week and as such have been close to a nervous breakdown (slight exaggeration for dramatic effect)

*Road rage on several occasions this week. Several horn blowing, bird flipping incidents by Yours Truly to some very special mobile freak shows driving around town.

*The general realisation that, yes indeed, the majority of people WERE in fact put on this earth to annoy the effing crap out of me. There have been many factors hinting at this over my 29 years of life but it only just sunk in finally this week.

*My nose has been hurting like I have racked up and snorted a kilo of Draino. Ouch!

And the Highlights:

*I made an octopus salad with rocket and feta with a dressing of lemon juice, olive oil and mint. I hadn't made it for a long time but after devouring this sensational culinary delight I'm going to be whipping it up more often. I urge you to do the same!

*I have been waking up every day beside Mr Wonderful and that's always fabulous!

*On Wednesday night Mr Wonderful went to his friend's place for dinner and, of course, on the way out the door uttered those famous last words 'I won't be drinking tonight, Amore'. I think they may have heard me laughing up there in Milano, sweeties! Needless to say, 4.45am he rolls through the door as drunk as a skunk. Hahahaha! Too funny! Then a couple of short hours later when I was getting ready to leave he kept yelling from the bedroom in his broken, hung over English 'Renee, I want to stay with you'. I said 'I can't I have to go to work'. He said 'No! I want to stay with you every day for my whole life'. God love him! *SQUEAL*

*Despite not feeling too good I have still been walking around singing Dean Martin's 'That's Amore' and also that song called 'My Guy'. You know that one that goes 'Nothing you can do can tear me away from My Guy...' I'm even making myself want to throw up. When did I turn into a glass half FULL person???

*I also gave Mr Wonderful a remedial massage and he was impressed. I forgot how much I enjoyed massaging so I'm going to get back into it! Yeehaa!

Eventhough the week was kind of crappy my life rocks, so I don't have much to complain about.

This weekend should be a good one. Nothing really planned so the plan is To Relax. Aaaaah! I hope the weather is glorious! Oh yeah, and I'm meeting Mama Wonderful.... Full report next week!

Enjoy FULL FACE FRIDAY and have a great weekend!

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Details of the Ski Trip for Claudia

The ski trip was not at all saucy, as one might have assumed. I went with Pam, Michele, Luciano and the little bubba, Filippo. So with the baby there, obviously there were no wild parties or lewd conduct of any description, much to my chagrin. Plus, I think it was hard to attract any form of amorous attention whilst swishing around in an aquamarine, super puffy, parachute material ski suit created for the 80's. I didn't mind too much though, I just whacked on the Gucci sunglasses and felt like a million bucks! *HAIR FLICK*

As you can see aquamarine is really MY colour! Note how figure hugging ski suit is.

The village we stayed in seriously looked like something you would see in Switzerland (I imagine). Chalet kind of things. Very cool. And the lift up to the mountains was literally a stone's throw from our apartments. Most convenient.

The first day we just went up and checked it out, drank a beer and just hung, Euro Ski Bunny Style. I hate beer but for some reason this sunshiny day in absolutely spectacular scenery called for it.

The second day we hit the slopes. Or at least I did for one hour with the ski instructors. For some reason I could turn on the left side but crashed and burned like a mo' fo' on the right side. The poor instructor. He should have got paid extra for that lesson. I would get about three turns on the right side without a problem and then suddenly would start crashing again. After that I threw in the towel for the day.

The next few days were great also. I was going to have another ski lesson, but when Pam and I got to the mountain the ski instructors weren't there. Pam tried to coax me into to going sans instructor, but I was like 'No chance in hell, sista! I want to live another day to see Mr. Wonderful!'

The last day I spent relaxing in the Turkish Baths. OMFG! They were fabulous. There were all different kinds of steam rooms with different scents chamomile, mint, pine etc. Hot and cold showers, steam showers and of course the spa. There's something liberating about trotting about naked in this kind of environment. I have only done it once before in Sydney, but I'll definitely be going back to this place because it was SOOOOO relaxing!

I was happy to be back in Parma to see my peeps and, of course, Mr. Wonderful! And, yes things are getting serious! He's fabulous!

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Monday, April 03, 2006

Back in the Land of the Living

Here I am back in the home of Cheese and Ham and I'm loving it! Thanks to Mr. Wonderful and my two Gal Pals.

Friday night I when to Mr Wonderful's house and we went for a spin to hang with his swinging posse. Yes you did read that correctly. They are swingers. The one with the Russian whore as a gf tried to coax Mr Wonderful into hooking up with one of her Russian whore gal pals. Yeah right. He doesn't need to pay someone to sleep with him. He's fucking hot! Keep your Russian whores to yourself! So we played a bit of strip poker for a while. It didn't last long though. The boys just took off their tops and that was about it. *YAWN*

On Saturday night we stayed in with the Gal Pals and Mr Wonderful. His neighbour also came over. Apparently, later that night when KJ was leaving he accosted her. Hahaha! She declined his offer of sex and strolled on home, empty handed. Will she ever learn not to decline sex when it's offered to you on a silver platter?

Sunday was a big day for Your's Truly, for I met The Wonderfuls. The men went hunting in the morning and we all ate lunch. It was a hit! His grandparents are very cool and I have been invited to go hunting with them next time. Bring that shit right on! This could be my new calling in life.

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