Tuesday, March 21, 2006

An Early Morning Walk on the Wild Side

This morning whilst driving back home from Mr. Wonderful's* house I was met with a whole lot of hubbub going on in the main street of The Ganza. There are two ways to get to my road and this is the route I usually take. I turn off the main street into my street. I realised that they were setting up for the markets that are held every Tuesday. I was a little pressed for time and I seriously couldn't be bothered reversing and going around the block to get to my house, and to be honest, that sort of common sense rarely enters my mind. I have also adopted the Italian way of driving: 'Every Bitch For Themselves'.

So I drove up cautiously, saw the Polizia, who had parked their vehicle part way across the street in a 'road block' kind of way. The Polizia started walking towards the side of the road over to some shops. I seized the opportunity. I cranked the stereo with the music from Mission:Impossible blasting, dropped the clutch, smoked those bad boys up and fishtailed my way past the guy who was unpacking some fruit at his stall.** I got to the barricade that was blocking my road and tried to squeeze the car in between it and the truck. Alas! Trapped! So I had to get out and try and quickly and inconspicuously drag the barricade a little to the side, jump back into the get-away car and drive to safety. But it didn't actually end up like that.....

The Scene of the Crime: barricade, truck and super fast get-away car

As I got out of the car and had one hand on the barricade I heard it. The sound of the Polizia's whistle. Blowing in my direction. I turned around and he starts yelling something at me. Enter: 'Stupid Australian Tourist of the Female Variety'. He was saying something in Italian to me so I just said back in English 'I don't speak Italian'. Then sensing an asshole, I just quickly said the same thing in bad Italian so he got he was left with no doubt that he was dealing with a SAT of the FV.

He then pulled the barricade aside for me and told me to pull the car over and get out my documents. He started telling me I can't drive down here blah blah blah. I told him that I just lived here, and he told me that I needed to drive around because the markets were on. So I said 'Oh, I didn't know' acting all brain dead. He then signaled to the markets in a manner that implied 'Even Blind Freddy could see there are freaking markets on here today. Look at all the trucks you SAT of the FV!' Then I started apologising and he said 'It's just on Tuesdays'. So I repeated 'Oh okay. So only on Tuesdays? I understand'. I apologised again before driving the get-away car an extra two metres so I could park it.

Don't try that at home kids.

*name subject to change
**this sentence 'based on' a true story

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