Saturday, February 25, 2006

Fuck the Dumb Shit Homegirl!

The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza* is going to be soooooooo pissed at me. But read the title and repeat out loud 'Fuck the Dumb Shit Homegirl!' Venice and even the possibility of throwing a leg over a well hung, handsome stranger ain't draggin' my fat ass outta bed at that hour. 7.33 am at the station? Guess again, homegirl, for I'm thinking SO not!

So anyway, I have thrown caution to the wind and decided to get thee to Venice tomorrow sans entourage of half cocked war torn soldiers. I spoke to The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza* last night, planning and such like (loves the phrase 'such like' even when used out of context) the events that were to occur today. Blow jobs, however, were not on the agenda for her because, contrary to what I have previously reported, she has never blown a guy before. Word up, Miss Prissy: get some cock in that mouth before it closes over! Puh-leeeeease!

I digress......So I decided NOT to go to Venice, but I am totes (this is a word I THINK I created that is short for 'totally'. I know, I know it's so, like totes, like the plural word for a kind of bag. Like a tote bag, even! But, like, totes fuck off because I created the word with my own bare mind) going tomorrow. Solo! Woohoo! I totes love doing things solo. Mainly for the pure fact that I don't have to do anything that other people want to do if I don't want to do it. Uncompromising bi-atch? You bet your Cherry-kissin' ass I'm uncompromising!

Besides the uncompromising factor, there is also a totes niggling reminder in the back of my mind that still resonates from the phone call last night with The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza*. She said that Ben said (that they said, that I said, that her haridresser said) that, in actual fact, there would be a superfluous man pal present and that if she didn't find a third 'lady friend' to make the Superfluous One's accquaintance, then he QUOTE 'won't be paying her that much attention' UNQUOTE. Of course, hives ensued for The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza*, because him not paying her attention should be right up there with The Eighth Wonder of World, along with her not wrapping her laughing gear around his barely-there appendage as yet. I knew this half dick was just that: A Dick, but this takes the cake. Sorry to The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza* for my phone not working and not picking you up, but I hate to be placed in a situation knowing full well that I will be a totes miserably rude dog to all and sundry. I was so hopeful last night. There was a twinkle in my eye. Today I realised something. Pour moi, going solo is totes the only option.

Claudia, I'll still be taking crotch shots though. It will just be much more obvious. I don't know how to say 'Do you mind if I take a shot of your tadger?' in Italiano but maybe I should put that on my To Do list for today.

*The Friend Formerly Known As My New American Friend Maritza is now referred to as such because she may not want to be friends con moi anymore after today's little episode.

Posted by Cherry! :: 11:08 am :: 10 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

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