Friday, October 21, 2005

Bad Karma

Bonjour! And once again, what a delight to have you reading this, my heart, my soul, my memoirs.

Well, as the fans on my email list are aware, I am heading back to the land Down Under where people smile and give you a vegemite sandwich (or something along those lines if you refer to that song). I must admit I'm a little excited, yet apprehensive about returning to the mother ship. Only because with all the f*ck ups happening of late, I'll probably get stuck there and have to spend the rest of my life there. Well, like I said in the email, that's if the plane doesn't fall out of the sky on the way there.

Allow me to enlighten you as to the steady stream of what I like to refer to as 'bad karma' (I seriously think that psychotic Danish b*tch is behind all of this) that has happened since arriving in France:

*Arriving sans luggage, straight up it set the benchmark peeps.
*A lost parcel of mine, which to this day remains lost. Never mind the fact that it was sent over 3 weeks ago. Thanks La Poste! Mystery: UNSOLVED.
*Funds transfer to my account REJECTED! La Poste strikes again! They handle these matters too, much to my dismay.
*Take two funds transfer, this time with Wench as the beneficiary. It should take a mere 48hrs for the funds to be delivered. La Poste strikes again! No joy and Wench has left the country for a few days therefore the funds will be sent back again.
*The obvious, application for the Italian visa. I love the fact that applying for this visa is not going to cost me just the $85 to lodge the application. I love that it's going to cost me a return trip to Australia for the very low price of 1300euros!! Why not? I have the money to burn!!
*Trying to book the abovementioned flights home took approximately three hours, one 20 minute call to Austria and two phone calls to Australia. The flight, I hope, is now booked, but they took two lots of money from me and used up all of the available funds on the card.

These may not seem like huge issues to the naked eye, but when they drag on for weeks, that's when I start to lose my cool. Especially when I don't speak the language to be able to tell La Poste how much they are driving me mental. Every time I see a yellow La Poste car I want to kick it, but then stop and dream of it delivering my parcel........

Depsite these time consuming matters, I'm still having a WOW of a time! Not doing anything spectacular just things like rescuing mice from killer cats and picking raspberries from the garden with Pumpkin. Actually, the Great Mouse Rescue was in conjunction with Pumpkin too. Since it was her cat I felt it only fair that I 'direct' the said Rescue from the piano stool and shoo the cats away. She was really the one that did the dirty work. We used the usual apparatus that one requires when rescuing mice. Gumboots and t-shirts. The t-shirt was so the mouse could not escape the compound and the gumboots were for it to run into when shoo'd by Pumpkin. The gumboot thing worked a treat and the mouse was rescued in no time!

Tonight we are off to a food festival! Yum! Bring it on!

Over & out from the Princess of Realness.......
xxxxxxx

Posted by Cherry! :: 10:10 am :: 0 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

Don't Come On Aussie Me

Hi Fans and Well Wishers!Greetings and salutaions!
I'm currently having issues with visas for Italy etc and in general I'm hating being Australian. I know it's Un-Australian to say it but why can't we be part of the EU?? It's a nightmare despite the fact that I have delegated the ground work to my French and Italian counterparts. It would seem that people all over the world allegedly 'working' (I used the word allegedly because are they really working???) for these government departments are all of the same mould, just speaking different languages. They just give a text book answer and send you on your not so merry way. Take ownership? Think outside the square? Offer an alternative? I think not! Anyway, I hope the shinanagans are soon to cease as do my sleepless nights.My French classes are now in full swing! Trés excitement! I have been to two classes thus far and to my absolute delight the teacher can't speak a word of English! Oui! The whole class is done entirely en Français and since everyone in the class is a year or two up on me, I'll admit I'm failing to cope. Well, I think my accent is, at least, one up on the two ye olde English wenches that are in the class that have lived here for four years and are absolutely appaulling (even that is being generous). So in an attempt to enhance and improve my French I have just gone out and bought a few books to get into the groove! Let's hope I actually use them! My first day of class I dolled myself right up. Yes, I admit I had dreamed up some notion that there may be my knight in shining armour trotting up to the class on his big white horse ready to sweep me off my feet. This bubble was burst as soon as I stepped foot in the class room and Louis (Vuitton) and I came back down to earth with a loud thud (notice no 'bang'). I think I may have managed to look better than most of my classmates if I had just gone in straight from bed. The 'come as you are' ensemblé. So there is no knight, there isn't even a MALE in the class and certainly no one good looking. We are learning to say things such as 'I have long straight blonde hair', 'I have a small mouth with big lips' (the small mouth part was actually a bone of contention within in the class and probably is for all of the fans out there that know me up close and personally). As you can see these are all very nifty phrases that I cannot wait to hit Paris with!! Imagine walking into a bar, seeing a hot guy and then just putting the hard word on him with a bit of 'I am wearing a red shirt'. If that doesn't work, then frankly, I give up!!

*News Flash* The part just above this was written on the computer at the Limoges library. It was in this library that I was VIOLATED, shoppers!! True story but nothing I couldn't handle for I was 'en guarde'. This guy came and sat next to my computer (for the sake of the arguement I'll describe him as sketchy, shady and dodgy) and I didn't think anything of it. But then when I went out to a desk I noticed he followed me out and go to a nearby bookshelf eyeing me off, but not in the 'you're so hot' way that I'm so used to. So I set up camp and went about writing descriptions of people for my French homework (one of which included 'he is not wearing high heels' for a pic of a man named Laurent I can't wait to hand it in!!), then this joker came and sat, of all the three or four vacant chairs, right beside little old moi. Luckily I was 'en guarde' as he sort of moved his chair a bit closer, but I still kept doing my work. Then I feel that he is touching my leg!! VIOLATION!! VIOLATION!! EN GUARDE!! EN GUARDE!! I turned around with a look that said 'You've just fussed with the wrong person, you flamin' mongrel!', then looked down at where he had touched my leg and said loudly 'What the f*ck do you think you're doing?!?!?' Then the joker said something in another language and pretended to look around like he had lost a pen. Hello?!?!? I may be French impaired but I'm not THAT stupid to think that he had dropped something in my pocket! I think he was trying to pickpocket me. Everyone knows carrying something in your pocket makes a superfluous and very unattractive bulge, so he was wasting his time!! Anyway he packed up his props (books he had been 'reading') and then went back to the shelf and kept looking at me. I keot throwing him the abovementioned look and he went to hide in some other shelves. I packed up my books and started walking out and saw him, so again, The Look with 'Don't try and follow me out you so and so!'. I kept looking back for effect and even when he was at the bus stop outside the library and I was a block away I kept turning back. I think he was scared! So scared that's the last he'll ever see of Limoges library!! I met the gals that I'm looking after and told them and they said 'It's probably because you've got the bag and the great glasses and you look good and you he probably thought you were rich'. I simply couldn't argue with such a statement!

So, I will be putting some pics on tomorrow, I think, of my little weekend get away. We went to a fabulous little seaside village called La Rochelle and a neighbouring island. Oh, to be in Europe! Oh to be nearly breaking my neck on the cobblestone footpaths in high heels! (you would think I would have learned my lesson from the death trap that is Copenhagen) So we went for a lovely dinner in a very reputable restaurant of France where this little Aussie battler got locked in the dunny! Oh how I laughed and then, after five minutes of it, how I didn't laugh! I have a funny feeling this had happened before, they seemed to know what they were doing and why I was pounding on the door from the inside. As soon as I locked the door I knew it was one knob that was going to give me trouble.

All in all a great trip excluding part of the trip home which ended up adding three hours to the three hour trip. Outback Bill of France decided to show me some canals, took a wrong turn, couldn't find the canals he was after and two hours later decided he'd check the map. Biting my tongue became a necessity as did tearing out my hair and moving from one buttock to the other to stop getting pins and needles.

Over and out viewers, and thanks for the realness! I can feel it from here.

Posted by Cherry! :: 12:16 am :: 0 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

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