Thursday, October 13, 2005

Don't Come On Aussie Me

Hi Fans and Well Wishers!Greetings and salutaions!
I'm currently having issues with visas for Italy etc and in general I'm hating being Australian. I know it's Un-Australian to say it but why can't we be part of the EU?? It's a nightmare despite the fact that I have delegated the ground work to my French and Italian counterparts. It would seem that people all over the world allegedly 'working' (I used the word allegedly because are they really working???) for these government departments are all of the same mould, just speaking different languages. They just give a text book answer and send you on your not so merry way. Take ownership? Think outside the square? Offer an alternative? I think not! Anyway, I hope the shinanagans are soon to cease as do my sleepless nights.My French classes are now in full swing! Trés excitement! I have been to two classes thus far and to my absolute delight the teacher can't speak a word of English! Oui! The whole class is done entirely en Français and since everyone in the class is a year or two up on me, I'll admit I'm failing to cope. Well, I think my accent is, at least, one up on the two ye olde English wenches that are in the class that have lived here for four years and are absolutely appaulling (even that is being generous). So in an attempt to enhance and improve my French I have just gone out and bought a few books to get into the groove! Let's hope I actually use them! My first day of class I dolled myself right up. Yes, I admit I had dreamed up some notion that there may be my knight in shining armour trotting up to the class on his big white horse ready to sweep me off my feet. This bubble was burst as soon as I stepped foot in the class room and Louis (Vuitton) and I came back down to earth with a loud thud (notice no 'bang'). I think I may have managed to look better than most of my classmates if I had just gone in straight from bed. The 'come as you are' ensemblé. So there is no knight, there isn't even a MALE in the class and certainly no one good looking. We are learning to say things such as 'I have long straight blonde hair', 'I have a small mouth with big lips' (the small mouth part was actually a bone of contention within in the class and probably is for all of the fans out there that know me up close and personally). As you can see these are all very nifty phrases that I cannot wait to hit Paris with!! Imagine walking into a bar, seeing a hot guy and then just putting the hard word on him with a bit of 'I am wearing a red shirt'. If that doesn't work, then frankly, I give up!!

*News Flash* The part just above this was written on the computer at the Limoges library. It was in this library that I was VIOLATED, shoppers!! True story but nothing I couldn't handle for I was 'en guarde'. This guy came and sat next to my computer (for the sake of the arguement I'll describe him as sketchy, shady and dodgy) and I didn't think anything of it. But then when I went out to a desk I noticed he followed me out and go to a nearby bookshelf eyeing me off, but not in the 'you're so hot' way that I'm so used to. So I set up camp and went about writing descriptions of people for my French homework (one of which included 'he is not wearing high heels' for a pic of a man named Laurent I can't wait to hand it in!!), then this joker came and sat, of all the three or four vacant chairs, right beside little old moi. Luckily I was 'en guarde' as he sort of moved his chair a bit closer, but I still kept doing my work. Then I feel that he is touching my leg!! VIOLATION!! VIOLATION!! EN GUARDE!! EN GUARDE!! I turned around with a look that said 'You've just fussed with the wrong person, you flamin' mongrel!', then looked down at where he had touched my leg and said loudly 'What the f*ck do you think you're doing?!?!?' Then the joker said something in another language and pretended to look around like he had lost a pen. Hello?!?!? I may be French impaired but I'm not THAT stupid to think that he had dropped something in my pocket! I think he was trying to pickpocket me. Everyone knows carrying something in your pocket makes a superfluous and very unattractive bulge, so he was wasting his time!! Anyway he packed up his props (books he had been 'reading') and then went back to the shelf and kept looking at me. I keot throwing him the abovementioned look and he went to hide in some other shelves. I packed up my books and started walking out and saw him, so again, The Look with 'Don't try and follow me out you so and so!'. I kept looking back for effect and even when he was at the bus stop outside the library and I was a block away I kept turning back. I think he was scared! So scared that's the last he'll ever see of Limoges library!! I met the gals that I'm looking after and told them and they said 'It's probably because you've got the bag and the great glasses and you look good and you he probably thought you were rich'. I simply couldn't argue with such a statement!

So, I will be putting some pics on tomorrow, I think, of my little weekend get away. We went to a fabulous little seaside village called La Rochelle and a neighbouring island. Oh, to be in Europe! Oh to be nearly breaking my neck on the cobblestone footpaths in high heels! (you would think I would have learned my lesson from the death trap that is Copenhagen) So we went for a lovely dinner in a very reputable restaurant of France where this little Aussie battler got locked in the dunny! Oh how I laughed and then, after five minutes of it, how I didn't laugh! I have a funny feeling this had happened before, they seemed to know what they were doing and why I was pounding on the door from the inside. As soon as I locked the door I knew it was one knob that was going to give me trouble.

All in all a great trip excluding part of the trip home which ended up adding three hours to the three hour trip. Outback Bill of France decided to show me some canals, took a wrong turn, couldn't find the canals he was after and two hours later decided he'd check the map. Biting my tongue became a necessity as did tearing out my hair and moving from one buttock to the other to stop getting pins and needles.

Over and out viewers, and thanks for the realness! I can feel it from here.

Posted by Cherry! :: 12:16 am :: 0 fans want a piece of The Cherry!

You want a piece too???

---------------------------------------