Cherry Goes Global

Fab weekend gone and another on the way!

2008-06-30T09:28:00.005+02:00

****This first part was written Monday morning*****

OMG! What a fabulous weekend! I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it and, despite the fact I'm about to fall asleep, I'm shocked I actually made it to work on time since I was coming into the Big Smoke all the way from K-Town rather than my own apartment. I may or may not have left a large Italian member in my wake (hence my amazement at getting in on time ;) Yes, so there is a definite spring in my step, the weather is glorious and it's all sunshine and lollipops from where I'm sitting.

This is one of the cutest pics of when she we first bought her home!!

After work on Friday I had two options. No. Make that three. I could've gone straight home or gone to the annoying, squeaky biatch's engagement drinks. Several issues with this option. She has the most annoying voice bordering on retardation and her parents need to be shot for not putting her into speech therapy as a child. Half the time you can't even understand what the fuck she is saying, which is probably a good thing since everything that comes out of her mouth is to do with work and how the people she works for just see her as 'one of them'. Word up biatch: Get a fucking life. Plus I happen to think engagement drinks are so 80's AND after T-Bird's and my little effort a few weeks ago with work peeps, probably better to just leave the drinking with colleagues on the backburner for a bit. I'm sure there'll be many an opportunity present itself where I can make a complete dick out of myself in front of work dudes. Whoa. I did not mean to dedicate that much of this post to her stupid drinks thing. Whatev's.

And this one was taken about a month ago! Awww!

What I actually ended up doing was going out to K-Town to see A-Boy and my dog! Bless her! She is sooooo adorable!! She even pee'd herself because she was so excited to see me!! Awwww!

*****This part was written Wednesday night*****

So with that weekend feeling well and truly gone and the midweek depression and suicidal tendencies well and truly settled in, tomorrow will be another day! Well until 5pm this afternoon and for yesterday and today i've been a rollercoaster of emotions. But come 5pm I managed to shake it off (still at work until 9pm so it's got nothing to with busting out of work for the day!). The cloud has lifted and so has the perma-scowl that's been etched in my face for the past 2 days.... Praise the lord!

Friday morning the boys and I are off to Madrid for Madrid Pride. There's supposed to be something in the vicinity of 2 million people there! That's alot of gay homosexuals waving their hands in the air like they just don't care! I can feel funness in the pipeline. And maybe even a little bit (make that LARGE!) Spanish hetro cock. Chirizo, if you will (that's spanish right?). I have told the boys that in the name of Global Whoring, Madrid cannot remain untapped. Or maybe that should be I will not remain 'untapped' in Madrid ;)

Global Whoring: Cockering Europe!

Well gotta run party peeps!
Have a fabulous weekend if I don't speak to you before!

Cherry! xxx

Out on the Tiles!

2008-06-13T08:43:00.008+02:00

Hiya!

This is a view of the city from the top of the hill where the castle is

Well tonight we're out on the tiles! Yeehaa! Everyone's been working like dogs so we've decided on an exclusive night out! haha! So exclusive there are only a few of us from work going as only a few of us cut the mustard. *hair flick* Should be fab and probably messy with lots of 'Awkward Moments' come Monday morning. But hey, that's how we roll!

A building outside Prague Castle. Not sure waht it is just thought the walls were pretty!

I had a fab time in Prague! The party was fun and my oh my, there are some hot looking people in that city! I'm getting hungry just thinking about it! *wipes drool from mouth* The city is also very beautiful! I've added a few pics that I took with my phone. I have more taken with the camera but need to get them put onto disc.

Prague Castle. Obviously not in it's entirity!

In other news, I have started a gruelling exercise regime! I've taken to walking to and from work and also gong for a run in the park of an evening. It has made me feel fab and got me out of the 'Life is Dull' funk I was in over the last week or so.

Inside the party!

I was accosted by a guy in the park on Wednesday night though. Did not appreciate this as I was lunging away in a quiet area wearing short, tight white shorts that could've been mistaken for underpants a tight top with a hint of cleavage! He said he's been watching me the whole time I was exercising. Some people have no freaking idea do they? Saying something like that does not make me want you or even become remotely interested in you. It makes me think you're a weirdo stalker. And trying to chat me up when I've got a bright red face and sweating like a pig does not help the cause!

This DJ and this song was the whole reason I wanted to go! AXWELL! Yay! What a great shot huh? Loves it!

Gotta run!

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Eventhough it's Friday the 13th I've got a good feeling about today!

Wooohoooo!! Bring on Wine Time!

Cheerio!

Cher xxx

PRAGUE HERE I COME!!!

2008-05-23T20:38:00.002+02:00

Prague is one city I've been dying to go to for a very long time and I finally booked tickets to go today! For next weekend! Hoorah! And, if I can tickets, I'm going to THIS!!!!! Depsite the fact that it's sold out I have the henchmen out on the prowl! Do me a favour and join me in asking the Universe to come through with the goods!

Global Whoring Part One

2008-05-20T21:07:00.006+02:00

I have decided to write a little series on the boys that have 'come and gone' of late. 'Entered my life', so to speak. Here's the first cab off the rank!

Name: Mauling Budapestian Jail Bird
Location: Budapest
Date: March 2008

This guy was fucking hot! Marcus, Brent and I ren dez vous'd in Budapest and let me tell you the boys were fucking HOT! Nice change from the ugliness that envelopes me the vast majority of times here in London. So I was in the club there and was looking for the bathroom. Unfortunately I mistook a big mirror for the entrance to another room and so was walking into myself and sidestepping to avoid, well, my own reflection!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!?!?! This is not the first time this has happened to me and I wasn't even that trollied at the time, surprisingly! After I realise I was walking into a freaking mirror I turned around to Mauling Budapestian Jail Bird, who wasn't even laughing at my mirror incident and was just generally oozing hotness, and asked where the bathrooms were. He seemed not to understand in a non english speaking, Budapestian kinda fashion. Then i asked if he spoke English, which he didn't so then I asked him IN ENGLISH (wtf?!?!) where the bathrooms were again! Ha! He said to me in English 'Sexy!'(obviously massive Budapestian accent coming through there) I said 'Thanks' and walked off and told Marcus that the hot guy had called me sexy. Then I went back grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him back to dance with us. Nice! Or was it? It was initially, making out and so forth, but the constant mauling that ensued was fucking irritating! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for inappropraite touch ups, groping, hand down the pants dance floor antics but at least let me dance!

One of the Budapestians we had befriended along the way had told MBJB that Marcus and I were siblings because MBJB was getting jealous (blind Freddy could tell Marcus is a gay homosexual!), so when I went to the bathroom MBJB was asking The Marcus if he could take me home and fuck me. Of course, The Marcus was all for it! Turns out he was straight out of jail (what are the chances of ANOTHER Jail Bird, by the way???), which I guess explains the constant mauling, but not the dick pierce......

Sluts Inc Slide Show

2008-05-14T21:02:00.001+02:00

A Tale From Hvar

2008-05-14T20:00:00.001+02:00

As you may or may not know, Sluts Inc went on their very first trip together in September 2007. As it turns out it will more than likely be the last with a great divide happening within the group. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! OMFG! What is a holiday without some kind of fucking drama! And by drama, I mean drama queens........mmmmmmmm! mmmmmmmm!

Anyway, that aside I had an absolute blast! Fun times in (mostly) places I hadn't been before. Amalfi Coast in Italy, plus Rome and then onto some of the islands of Croatia. Wow! Amazing!

The only story of me getting laid goes like this (Hvar, Croatia): One night, after doing am impromtu dance to a Justin Timberlake song at an ice cream shop (must get that video and post it for you all!) I was called to one of the yachts that was moored there. They told me to come on and hang with them. I assumed they must have see the dance and taken a liking to me. In short, they hadn't seen the dance, but had taken a liking to me. I told them I had 8 friends and it was all for one and one for all and on we got.

Then we went to a bar and after that trekked back up the million steps. Well, I say trek... the others did, I made the guy carry me up the many, many stairs. Poor bastard. I'm not even into blonds!!

Anyway, in the morning he woke up early and said he had to get back to the yacht. Much like a guy in the Navy says he has to get back to his ship before it sets sail back to Okinawa (or something?!?!). The guy was on holiday! hahahaha! So he asked me for my number and I said I didn't know it, because I didn't and then I told him to write his number down and leave it on the table. That's when he morphed into a girl and mumbled to himself 'Well I don't know why because you won't call me anyway.....' My thoughts were a mixture of 'Please spare me the tears!' and 'Well now that you've just acted like a complete whining bitch there isn't a hope in hell that I'll be calling you'. Yes, I know I'm a bitch, but I was tired and half asleep and he WAS carrying on like a girl. Who says that kinda gear?!?!?

But if you think that's bitchy then the next part will shock and amaze you. And this part was also unintentional......I was walking along the promendae with Marcus when I spotted a yacht which seemed to have hot guys on it. So I start walking along giving the fans model and laughing, oh yes laughing it up like I'm in some kind of tampon commercial. You know, 'so much fun!' kinda thing? We got past them and I said to Marcus 'Did you see them?' and he looked back and said 'Oh yeah!' and then I said 'I deliberately wasn't looking at them. I wonder if they were looking at me' to which he replied 'You bitch!' Although a little taken aback by the harsh comment, I carried on and we went to have some wine. Three hours later some of our friends come and meet us and Marcus starts telling them what a bitch I am because we walked 'straight past that yacht we were on' that I hadn't even looked, waved or said hello. Whoops! I didn't even know it was them!! Hahahaha! Damn! Then I did feel like a real bitch! But I had no clue until Marcus was telling the others three hours later.... Oh well, how was I to know?!?!

I've actually made a slide show that I'll post straight after this one. It's of pics of the entire trip. Oh yeah, did I say that after Croatia Marcus and I went and partied in Paris for my birthday?!?!?! Woohooo! Fun!

Here is one of my fave pics of me taken in Hvar sitting on the balcony.

Very Ibiza Chillout 2007 don't you think??

Cherry Goes Mobile

2008-05-13T22:31:00.002+02:00

How fabulous!
Yes, I am nowhere near as technologically inclined as some of you guys are but since buying a Blackberry just a few short weeks ago, I thought it was high time The Cherry went not only global (again), but mobile!

Fabulous fun times as the unfold!

Stand by, for I shall start blogging again party peeps!

Kisses!
C xxx

See you Sydney sluts later! Get your cocks out London boys!

2007-08-26T01:19:00.000+02:00

Leaving Tuesday. Thank god my licence came through just in time!

What's been going down......

2007-07-09T08:57:00.000+02:00

.....well, for a start The Cherry hasn't been going down. Not at all. WAH! WAH! I've been voicing this matter with my friends over the past few weeks and told them 'It's been so long since I've seen a cock I've forgotten what one looks like. I'm going to have to google it to jog my memory'. So funny, because it's so true. Ritchie then announced this to Freshboy's new bf, bf's sister and bf's sister's friend when they arrived for brunch at the same cafe as us a few weekends ago. 'An incebreaker' he told me, because it was the first time we'd met them. Whatevs. They thought it was highly amusing. Well, I challenge them to walk a day in my celibate-but-not-by-choice shoes! Then we'll see who's laughing! Ha!

To be honest, I really should make some kind of an effort. I mean there were approximately 5000 sailors from the USS Kitty Hawk in Sydney this weekend....I had planned to meet The Wench last night and do my bit (ie get a bit) for international relations. The weather was crappy and I had a nightmare the other night that my hair went curly and frizzy. I took it to be some kind of freaky premonition and steered well clear of all public appearances where there was the possibility of frizzed up rain hair. I guess I'll just have to keep reliving the memories of the last time the USS Kitty Hawk was in town......*sigh*....oh the fabulous memories!

So apart from a girth-less existence I have been in hiding pretty much. Just saving and hibernating. Actually, I say girth-less, but there has been a bit of light entertainment which I neglected to tell you about! How could I forget?!?!?! There's is a boy that I've been flirting with over the past couple of months. We've had a bit of a kiss here and there, but alas! 'Tis hopeless! Let's just entitle it 'Cherry's Life of Impossible Romances: Chapter 5019 (or thereabouts)'. I can hear all of you well wishers out there going all 'The Secret' on me (like I do to other people) and saying 'Ask the universe for for it Cherry!' and 'Nothing is impossible, Cher!'. I, myself, like to look on the bright side of life but this really is impossible, for he is a jailbird, hence his name 'Jailbird' or 'JB' for short. Yeah, that's right. He's currently incarcerated. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And no, I didn't join some freaked out 'Befriend An Inmate' club or anything he's just out on work release and I have to go to his work for my work. In the afternoon he goes back to The Big House and then on the weekend he's on house detention. No visitors unless they're authorised. How boring! And after the first time that we had a bit of a kiss he started spinning out a bit and called me and then did the whole 'You're going to hate me for what I'm about to say'thing and I said 'What? Girlfriend?' and he said 'Yeah' and I said 'So what?' Sorry Jailbird, you must mistake me for someone with morals! And I don't recall asking for your hand in marriage! hahahaha! Anyway, so yeah there's the jail thing and one would assume correctly that this is a bit of a problem. He actually gets out of The Slammer a mere 6 days after I leave Australia. If you've ever heard of a worse case of bad timing than that, please enlighten moi! Yet another case of 'Girth Gets Away'.....

Oh well, plenty more girth in the sea, as they say, and hopefully there'll be plenty more girth in the Meditteranean and Adriatic Seas when Team Slut rocks in to town.....

So as I was saying before I embarked on the Jailbird story, I've not been hitting the town or anything like that. A couple of weekends ago we went away for the weekend to a place called Bendalong on the south coast. My Gay Husband's aunt has a holiday house there pleasantly situated on Cherry Street (I'm not lying) just by the beach. Delightful! We all took fun bags down to keep us entertained for the weekend. We played board games, card games, cooked, ate, drank, smoked a million cigarettes, watched Catherine Tate DVD's, laughed....oh! how we laughed! and played Charades which was tops! We loved Charades so much we played it again the next day when we were sober! hahahaha. Whilst the boys slept in the following morning I took off down to the beach and had a quick dip. The water was actually warm, despite sub zero temperatures on land. On the Saturday afternoon we walked down to the beach and Azer and I had a skim off. Once we started skimming those rocks we just could not stop. My arm hurt the next day, but it was worth it. The Cherry was definitely born to skim! Oh I almost forgot. We also saw kangaroos. Shitloads of them! (Yes, a 'shitload' is the scientific term used for a group of kangaroos) Mo even fed one of them by hand and one had a joey in it's pouch! Cool! Mo was also feeding the resident kookaburra, now known as Ed' at the house during the weekend as well.

An action of the Cluedo game

There's another weekend away on the cards in a couple of weekends. A 'Girl's Weekend'. And by 'Girl's Weekend' I do not mean 8 gay homosexuals and The Cherry a la Bendalong, I mean ACTUAL girls! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everyone that I tell about said Girl's Weekend Away actually laughs out loud when I tell them because it's really not very Cherry. Not very Cherry at all. But I thought it might be a bit of fun, something different so I threw caution to the wind and said I'd go. Plus the gals are pretty cool. I play netball with them and one of them is my aunt. She's the 2nd youngest in Mum's side of the family, where they're NINE children!!! My mum's the oldest and Lynne (my aunt) is 38. Anyway, should be a fun weekend with lots of drunk girl cackling going on, I dare say.... I'll take pics to post on the blog. I'm planning on steering clear of the camera that weekend....

Must dash. Still many a preparation to made for the Team Slut adventure......

Air kisses for all!
Cherry xxx

Interview questions from jin FINALLY get answered!!!

2007-06-18T09:19:00.000+02:00

Ages ago jin gave me some interview questions to answer. I did half of it then left it and FINALLY I've finished them. Sorry for taking so damn long jin!!! Here goes:

1. I notice you have a totally new entourage of late. Please don't tell me you have given up on your search for girth?! Does the Cherry not fancy Australian men? What type of man would be your ideal soul mate?

It's not really a new entourage. I've known these guys for about 10 years, well apart from Marcus. But eventhough I've gone back to my fag hagging days (I only gave them up for due to lack of gay peeps I met overseas)let me state here and now that I'll NEVER EVER give up the quest for girth!! I do meet the occassional straight boy out, but I'm not really into Australian guys. They really are the two ends of the spectrumhere in Sydney. Of course, it's a sweeping generalisation, and for those of you reading this that may get your tadgers in a twirl, I will put the disclaimer in that I do assess on a girth by girth basis, but on onehand you'll have a massive bogan loser, and on the other you'll have someone who's got their head shoved so far up their own ass that they should consider giving up the job in margin lending and go into acrobatics.I guess that leads me to my next answer to the question of what my ideal guy would be. It's quite simple: My ideal man would have girth and a heartbeat! hahaha! Psyche! Seriously again, I stress girth by girth basis, but thegeneral features of the unit would be, in no particular order, as follows*:

-has girth and knows how to use it
-good body
-likes sport
-has a fabulous sense of humour
-has a job - any job is fine, I'm not really into the whole 'job = status' thing, just as long as he has a job
-has ambition
-not homophobic

That would be the basic list and if you want me to get really specific as to my 'type' he would be brunette. I realise the girth and good body are superficial, but thin apendages make me ill (and I'm not alone here. I've hadseveral conversations with other people regarding this extremely important matter and they are in agreeance). As far as the good body goes I have to be initially attracted to the person and I happen to like someone who has anice bod. YUM! The homophobic thing is a big one for me. If someone even remotely hinted at being a homophobe I'd never see them again because my friends come first and pretty much all of my friends are gay.

*this list may be added to at whim.

2. Do you miss Italy or are you glad to be back home? Where are you planning on venturing off to next...and when?

I'm not really missing Italy, I'm enjoying hanging with my friends and having fun here. Some Itals and their ways were starting to irritate me in the end. Plus I was kind of getting bored with work there.Next I'm off to live in London. I had initially planned to go to Canada, but London is alot closer to Europe which allows more travel for The Cherry! Yay! I'm leaving at the end of August, flying into London, staying there fora day or so then there are a few of us going to the Amalfi Coast in Italy for about a week and then Rome for a few days then we fly over to Croatia and go to a few islands! hoorah! I've been dying to go to Croatia for years! This time going overseas will be a completely different experience for moi. Mainly because I generally travel alone, but this time theI'll be with friends (aka Team Slut / The Gang Bangers) and I'll also have a few good friends in London, which means I don't have to start from scratch. I don't mind starting from scratch, but it'll be great to have people I've known for a long time around.
After Croatia I'll go back to London and start job hunting and for a week in October I'm going to Germany to see Lee and Joce (my Roman conquering companions). That should be fab because I've never been there.So lots of adventures on the card for Yours Truly! Can't wait!

3. You look marvelous!!! You can't tell me you don't have straight guys hitting on you all the time?! What are the top 3 worst pick-up lines you've heard?

-'You're with the wrong guy' this was from a short, fat, balding man named Lars when I was trashed one night at Arq and was pashing on with another guy. If Lars Had have felt what the other man was rubbing me up with (a very large cock), he would've realised that I certainly was not with the wrong man. Lars also threw in a few 'You've got a great ass' comments too, which always goes down a treat! Not! Well not during the first night meeting anyway.

- 'You are not a model, but *sigh*, I like you'. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Loves it! That was actually from the guy I was seeing in Italy for a few months, so imagine that in a thick Ital accent from a guy that could hardly string two words together in English. Fabulous!

-'Well if you feel like hibernating with me, just let me know' This one was froma guy that works at a depot where I have to go and pick things up for work. He'suber repulsive and that was his response when I told him I'd be going into hibernation one weekend. I laughed a little and maybe even threw up in my mouth.I'm not entirely sure though because it's something I've chosen to block out. Too traumatic.....

4. Describe an absolutely perfect day in the eye of the Cherry.

This one's a difficult one.....but I'll give it a go anyway. The main characters would be Team Slut and our extended family and we'd all be in an exotic location,like a meditteranean island. We'd have a delightful champagne brunch on a kick ass yacht sailing around and being served by hot, near naked guys with limited english speaking ability. After that we'd go to a big dance party (like Toybox) and party (obviously).After that we'd go back to the yacht and have a chilled recovery party, with randomhot guys that we'd pick up at the party.
Hmmmm....that scenario seems to be missing sex. So I guess somewhere along the way I'd have sex with one of the hot straight guys. Who knows where, but it would happen.

5. What do you want to be when you grow up? (heehee....insert EWD laughter here ;-)

One of those people that adjusts the packages on male models in underwear ads.

Now, if I can remember correctly, I had to ask you guys if any of you wanted me to interview you. If so, let me know and I'll send you 5 questions that you'll then need to publish on your blog.

Ciao for now!
The Cherry!

That's hot!

2007-06-05T09:15:00.000+02:00

FREE PARIS!!!!!

Finally! The pictures.....

2007-04-29T06:53:00.000+02:00

Hiya peeps! Well I know I've been promising you the pics for nigh on a year now (slight exaggeration, but only slight), but I'm sure you'll love them just as much as me. They say good things come to those that wait and because you little darlings have been waiting so long I've popped in a couple of fabulous videos for you all.

This video is at Toybox. You can't really tell because of the lighting, but I'm looking pretty damn HAWT! And by that I mean sweating like a pig...

I wasn't going to go to the Mardi Gras party, but at the eleventh hour my rubber arm was twisted and instead of watching the parade with the boys I was sent home to get ready for the fun ahead. Here we see me literally letting it all hang out, flabby stomach and all. HAWT! And yet again, sweating like a pig. At first I was like 'Oh yuck, I'm sweating' and then in the end I just sweated it all out with everyone else. The Cherry is not precious in that regard. It was even dripping off my face. hahaha. Loves it! Boy George played in the Horden but it was a really heavy set. We ended up spending most of the night in the RHI because the Freemasons were playing and it was going off! It was great in there! After they finished we danced outside and had a wander around. Fabulous night! We finished up there around 6.30 or 7am and then went home for an hour of beauty sleep.

Ronnie,Marcus, Enn, George & The Cherry!

Here we are for Round Two: Toybox at Luna Park. I love this picture. We weren't expecting too much because we were all a little tired, having only had an hour of sleep, but we ended up having SO. MUCH. FUN!!! Hoorah!

Marcus and I

You guys may have seen Marcus on Style Her Famous. We love Marcus! Love! Love! Love!

Da Boyz: Enn, Marcus & Ronnie

Trashbag!

A very trashed little Cherry at the Toybox Finale after Ronnie grabbed a whole stack of streamers and crap off the floor and threw them on me. This one was dedicated to my mother, I knew she'd love it and she did!

Elegantly wasted

Another great shot for Mama! The finale was a blast. We had soooo much fun! they hand out streamers and all sorts of great stuff for all to throw in the air. We were all in our own little world, laughing and having a hoot. I think we may have come across as the obnoxious group but we didn't care. Too much fun was being had!

Leaving Toybox

On the bus with Marcus leaving Toybox

Moi at DTPM

After Toybox it was a quick trip home to freshen up and change and then onward for Round Three: DTPM. The music was fantastic and despite all of us being a little edgy, we soon lightened up and got into the swing of things, dancing and having a gay old time of it. We stayed until around 5am and then Enn and I headed back to his place for a bit of shut eye.

Wifey and Freshboy at DTPM

We decided that this weekend was the best we had ever had. Fabulous times with fabulous peeps!

The Cherry @ Slide

'I wanna take you to a gay bar! Gay bar!' Here I am at Slide the following Friday after recovering nicley from the big weekend and having a great dinner with Enn, Ronnie and our very special international guest, Marcus.

Fierce model shot @ Slide. Marcus, me and Ennzo Doll

Me again. I hate the camera, but the camera loves me. Obviously.

To wrap things up I thought I'd finish with a video of the Toybox Finale! Enjoy!

Later!

Love and air kisses!

Cherry! xxx

Remain calm people..........

2007-04-05T21:11:00.000+02:00

I'm finally getting the pics this weekend from all the festivities! HOORAH!

Will post over the weekend or early next week......

Stay tuned!

The calm before the storm.....

2007-02-24T12:05:00.000+01:00

Hiya!

It's all happening here in Gay Sydney!

Could I be more excited about the impending gay party festivities? Ha! I think not! Mardi Gras is upon us and everyone's tres tres excited! There's waxing, solarium sessions, shopping for outfits and sms'ing to fellow revellers to find out who's doing what parties going on. Oh how I missed this when I was overseas! It's great to be back and fag-hagging!

I, myself, am doing Harbour Party possibly followed by arq although the jury's still out on that one due to some fabulous friends deciding at the 11th hour that they'd be coming to Harbour Party, so we'll see how the night goes. Allow me to outline the fabulousness of Harbour Party (now actually called 'Azure' but I don't think anyone gets into that sort of caper), dear reader. It's held at Mrs Macquarie's Chair with the backdrop being the gorgeous Sydney harbour. The Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, fantastic music and HAWT people dancing to wave-your-hands-in-the-air-gay-anthems outdoors as the sun sets and the city lights start to sparkle! I'm getting goosebumps just thinking of it! I cannot wait! And the best thing: It's tomorrow!! Yay! I hope I can sleep tonight!

I'm abstaining from the actual Mardi Gras party so I'm feeling fresh, alive and fantastic for Toybox at Luna Park and we'll follow it up with DTPM at Tank. Fun times ahead, peeps! Fun times ahead!

So what else has The Cherry! been up to? Everything and nothing really. Here's some highlights:

*I went to a solarium and stayed on the bed for 20 freaking minutes. The effect? Not a fucking thing. So the next day I took myself off to another place and went in the stand up (much preferred to the lay down thing, which is rather feral) for a mere 10 minutes. At first, I said to the fellow that perhaps 15 minutes would be the way forward. 'Let's just see how you go with 10 first' he urged. Right-i-o! So in I go and emerge happy and satisfied with my solarium expereience, unlike the previous day. Alas! The very next day I was experiencing third degree burns to 50% of my body and part of that 50% was not, repeat WAS NOT, my legs which was pretty much what I wanted to fry like a piece of bacon in a frypan due to short shorts being worn to the Harbour Party. Anyway, since I don't peel and always turn brown I think, in essence, it just saved me another trip to the solarium because I had planned to go yesterday. This experience also got me thinking. Can't say what about, but hey, I'm such an enigma that that shouldn't surprise you.....

* I went out to The Shift a couple of weekends ago with The Boys. Sort of a warm up for Mardi Gras. Just to see if we could do it. And let me tell you, along with our international guest the legendary Darrell, we put a fair dent in that weekend. The most fabulous story to come out of that weekend was the fact that I picked up at The Shift. Now, most of you don't know but The Shift is a sea of mostly shirtless gay men and then me and then perhaps one more girl. Some of my gay friends are loathe to go there because they find it too intimidating, but not moi. I LOVE it! However, I digress. I had seen a very hot boy during the night. Olive skin, dark hair, light blue/green eyes and lips to die for. The boy was hot! Naturally, I assumed he was a gay homosexual. A bit later in the night I was dancing and he went by me and then stopped and said hello. We started chatting and it emerged that he was straight and was there for a friend's birthday. We danced, kissed, danced, hung out, chatted and so on and so forth. A bit before the club closed The Boys and I decided to go to the Manacle to continue the partying into the day, so I asked Hot Boy (did I mention that he was moving to Queensland in 2 weeks??? Perfect for a gal that doesn't have 'boyfriend' written on her To Do List!) if he'd care to join us. He did and off we trotted. As we exited the club he got on his mobile and I heard him say 'Where are you?' No big deal. Then he says 'Wait here for a minute' to me. So Peter and I wait there.... and wait...amd wait....while he heads back down the street and starts talking to some people. Eventually he starts heading back up our way with *drum roll please* a girl! Peter was confused asking me 'What's happening here? Is that his girlfriend?????'. I had no idea who the girl was so we just started walking up to the cafe to meet the others. As we walked Hot Boy passed us with said girl, pretending not to have a clue who we were. Peter and I decided that the only thing to do was to run up behind them to eavesdrop on the conversation to try and ascertain if she was his girlfriend or not. Indeed she was. She was nagging the absolute living daylights out of him and continuously said 'But why did you leave me?' Ugh! I dread the day I become like that. Unfortunately for me, that meant no hanky panky (although in daylight Peter and I did decide that he could probably do something to improve his hair. hahaha!). Later that day Peter said 'I can't believe you didn't do hi the cubicle! What do you think they're there for?!?!?' True. But how was supposed to know that his girlfriend was just going to be around the corner when he was just checking to make sure the coast was clear? I mean, I didn't even know he had a girlfriend....Next time, if anyone's looking for me, I'll be in cubicle number 3, okay????

Hang on. This was supposed to be a list of highlights and as you can see above are some long winded, yet (I'm sure you'll agree) gripping stories.

Anyway, must dash!

I'll take some pre party pics and possibly con someone into taking their camera with them so I take pics at the party especially to post right here on this very blog! I'll see how it pans out, my lovelies!

Yours in fabulousness,

The Cherry!

2007-02-09T03:32:00.000+01:00

Like, hi!

I know! I know! It's been an absolute age since I posted. No rest for the wicked and all that.

Firstly, allow me to say RIP Annan Nicole Smith *bows head* and share a bit about how Anna Nicole has touched my life:
I'll always remember fondly the time you visited this great land of Australia and popped down to Bondi beach all decked out in your wetsuit and swimming cap for a surfing lesson. Unfortunately however, you weren't even able to stand on dry land, falling over a couple of times, so you had to give the ocean a very wide berth. That was during the same visit for the MTV awards and when asked if you liked Australian music your reply was quite simple 'To be honest, I'm not Australian, but I am here to learn'. Thanks for keeping it so real Anna Nicole. Peace out.

So now that the tragic part of the post is over let's get back onto more important things, namely, ME!! Actually, the tragic part of the post is not over. If you spy the pic of moi below you will see a small line in between my eyebrows. Looks as if I've been attacked by a minature ninja weilding a minature machete, doesn't it? Well, that's not what happened. What, in fact, happened was that this poor little Cherry fainted! *crowd gasps* Yes, I fell off the bed and smashed my head on the corner of a glass table. I'll allow you to speculate as to whether or not this occured before, during or after a healthy serve of c.o.c.k.

As you all know I like to pass on little lessons learnt by Yours Truly so that my faithful readers do not have to endure such trying circumstances as I have had to. As such, let it be know that one should never give their number to a semi hot lebanese guy in the next car at a set of traffic lights. By all means hand it out to VERY hot guys of any nationality, but never, repeat never, give it out to a semi hot guy. 'Why, Cherry-Kimber, why?' I hear you all cry. Because this is what will happen:

He will call, number withheld, and have a chat, say you sound like a nice gal. Nothing wrong with that. He will then sms you at 5am. Yes, 5am. The sms will say 'Hay. Wat u up2' which will make you sick because of all the spelling mistakes and unwillingness to spell the entire freaking word. You will reply with 'Who's this?' because you don't have his number. He will reply with 'It's **** we met drivin 2day'. You will reply 'Sleeping' and he will then develop an attitude problem and say that now that you know who it is you say 'ur sleepin' and then will follow it up by asking if you want to meet up tomorrow. You will not respond and when he repeatedly calls you and sms's you, you will never respond because now he not only has a chip on his shoulder because, heaven forbid, you were actually sleeping at 5am, he is coming across as all desperate and stupid because he won't get the hint.

Anyway, pop that one into your memory bank and only give your number to VERY hot guys because if they are VERY hot they can be forgiven for being slighty stupid and they wouldn't be all desperate. Although, having said that, alot of guys are, like, *hair flick* totally desperate to get a piece of The Cherry! *tilts head to side*

I leave you with the above image. There's a WHOLE lotta truth right there!

Bye bye lovers!

Peace, love and girth!

Cherry-Kimber! xxx

Cherry's Box

2007-01-21T07:28:00.000+01:00

This week I nearly did something really fucking stupid. Namely, booking into a friend's beauty salon to get waxed.........down there, if you know what I'm saying. I called to make the booking but I don't think she actually realised it was me. This threw a bit of a spanner in the works mainly because it meant that she may have been the one that was going to be doing the waxing. EEEEEK! Not good, party peeps, not good! So I called another place and booked in for the following day. But I was still toying with the idea of going to my friend's salon because it was closer, cheaper and the appointment was for that afternoon.

I opted to phone a friend hoping to get a bit of clarity happening. The conversation with Miss Olympia went something like this:

Miss O: Pronto?

Cherry: Hi. How are you?

Miss O: Good. What's up?

Cherry: Well *sigh* I'm in a bit of a dilema. I don't know what to do. I just booked in to get waxed at a friend's salon and I don't think she realised it was me and so I'm afraid.....

Miss O: No! No! You can't go there and get waxed! It's too close to home.

Cherry: You think? I just wasn't sure. Like what if she isn't the one waxing me? It could be someone else.

Miss O: Nope. Too risky. You don't need her staring at your box. You just can't do it. It's like having a gyno that looks like your father: you just don't do it!

Cherry: Okay, cool. I'll cancel it and go to the other place.

Miss O: Okay let me know how you go. See ya.

Cherry: Bye.

So, I didn't go to that salon and I went to another one. Before I left work I quickly changed into a fresh pair of underpants and trekked off to the salon. Upon arriving, the gal instructed me to take off my tracksuit pants and hop onto the table and then left the room. I did as she said and then when I jumped up onto the table, imagine my horror when I realised that my underpants were, in fact, on inside out. I leapt off the table, quickly put them on the right way just as she started knocking on the door. Crisis averted. Praise the lord!

BEST.DANCE.PARTY.EVER! hair flick

2007-01-08T08:09:00.000+01:00

Wow! Toybox was indeed, as the title suggests, the best dance party ever! I was a toybox virgin and now I'm on a mission to have other cool revellers pop their Toybox cherry. It was so fucking awesome!

We arrived a fashionable half an hour early. Okay, so it's not so fashionable but we were so excited there was only so many times I could fix my hair, Peter could check that the doors were locked and only so many times Shane, Paul and Joe could swap seats and go to the bathroom. We were so excited we just decided to go. Yes, we were the first ones there but we decided to go and have a bevvy to kill time. By the time we went back there were a few more peeps there and we were soon allowed to stroll down the red carpet and into the Fun Central.

Walking into the main dance floor was, I kid you not, like walking into some kind of fantasy wonderland. And in case you just jumped to the conclusion that there must have been large cocks everywhere, you're wrong. Nothing like that. It was like I was a child. I felt like jumping up and down. The lighting and the decorations they had up were SOOOOO unreal it really created a fabulous atmosphere. An later when the lasers started up....well....be still my beating heart! Too fantastic! Peter took a pic on his phone so I'm endeavouring to get it from him so I can post it on the blog.

The music was pumping inside and out and I ran into SOOOOO many old friends that I haven't seen since before I went overseas. God, it was just unreal!! The amount of times the fans said 'What the fuck?!?!?!? I haven't seen you for AGES!!! What the hell are you doing here????' Too much fun!

They gave out toys, icypoles, gay flags, bags, mints, heaps of things, which was fun. Tiger, my old flatmate, also managed to walk away with a full box of eyedrops (nicked at the end from the bathroom)!!! He started giving them out to any hot guy that walked past at one stage saying to the recipient 'Here you'd better have some eye drops. You look like you haven't blinked for days!' hahahaha! We couldn't stop laughing. After a while he had an ingenious plan to sell the rest of the eyedrops on ebay. You can take the boy out of Greece, but you can't take the Greek out of the boy.... hahaha!

So that's the summary of the best dance party ever. And now I'm really looking forward to Harbour Party, which is one of my fave parties of the year, held a week before Mardi Gras and I'm thinking to give the Mardi Gras party a miss and just go to Toybox the day after Mardi Gras. Just so I don't look like shit, and am fresh and funfilled for the good dance party, namely, Toybox. Ooooooooh soooooo much fun to be had!!!! Yay!

On a side note, I started back at work today, but I'm in the kitchen instead of the warehouse/oraface (aka office). The kitchen is much closer to home and has me pondering the thought of cycling to work. The only thing that is keeping me from definitely riding is that there are a few scary bends going down a mountian kind of thing. It's just that I don't want fuckers to come and knock me off my bike. I mean I just don't think tar embedded in my face would be very becoming. Having said that, I think I'm going to do it. I estimate it will take circa one hour, perhaps less, but if I can't be bothered riding home I'll be on the old dog and bone to my father to come and pick me up. hahaha.

That's all for now my little pretties!

A very happy new year to all. I hope you had as much fun celebrating as I did. I think 2007 is going to be a rip snorter! I still haven't really decided what I'm going to do but I'm keeping my options open and will see how much realness (and girth) I feel and decide when the time is right!

Later dolls!
Kisses!
Cherry-Kimber!

Puttin' the HO back into the festive season: Cherry! Style

2006-12-29T23:34:00.000+01:00

Hi there lovers!

First and foremost I must wish you all a belated very Merry Christmas! I hope you all have been having a wow of a time as have I!

Being the festive season and all it's only right that I have spent the past two weeks in varying states of intoxication but all that will pale in comparison to the big motha of a celebration that is just around the corner! *i'm so excited! and i just can't hide it! i'm about to lose control and i think i like it!* (insert legwarmers and some cool hair flicking, arm swinging, leg kicking 80's inspired dance moves here) Since being back in Sydney I have reverted back to my fag hagging ways of old and will be going to Toybox on New Year's Day! I haven't been to any of the Toybox dance parties before but the boys have told me how fantastic they are! A great time will be had that's for sure! Then when Toybox ends we're heading home to relax, shower and costume change and it's off to The Shift for Indulgence. Hoorah! Can't wait!

On the actual New Year's Eve we're going to a guy's house who has a view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge to watch the fire works, then maybe for a drink and then home to bed.

So that's what's on the horizon, but here's a few things that have gone down *smirk* in the past couple of weeks:

* The Cherry! working her anus off
* The work Christmas party on a boat on the Hawkesbury River at Wisemans Ferry. Everyone looked tres tres gorgeous and had lots of fun. After that I caught up with some other friends and proceeded to trash myself which was lots of fun also.
* More drinks, fun and stuff with other friends in the Big Smoke.
* More drinks, fun and stuff with other friends in the Big Smoke. (not the same friends. Different ones so I had to write it twice)
* Drinks, fun, backyard cricket (played in the front yard me scoring a rather large 2 runs and not in the same innings, now that's hawt!), bocce and food with the relo's on Christmas Day.
* We dressed the dogs up and even put 'Pawlish' on them. I'll whack some pics up of them dressed up in another post.
* The Cherry! may or may not have got some girth. Unfortunately, it's classified information, so I can't throw any of you dogs a bone on that one. But if anyone's got a bones to throw my way please do so sooner rather than later!

Okay, gotta run peeps. I have to go and find some suitable outfits for the parties and also some new shoes. None that I have are comfortable enough to wear for the entire day and night. I just don't know what though..... ho hum!

Ciao for now and I hope you all have wonderful New Year celebrations!
Get down, and more importantly, GET DIRTY!
Kisses!
Cherry!
xxxxx

Bloggolympics Champion Of The World!!!

2006-12-07T10:52:00.000+01:00

'Wow! There are so many peeps I need to thank! I'll start by saying that I truly never, ever believed in my wildest dreams that I could possibly become The Bloggolympics Champion Of The World! Ha! Who am I kidding?!?! Suck it bitches! I won! I am the CHAMPION! But really, I'd like to start by thanking God, Good Times and Girth. Without the magical combination of each of these (God is questionable and under investigation at the time of print) the result would not have been so fabulously successful.

Here she is just prior to the announcement being made looking like death warmed up. Extremely nerve wracking. Could drive a gal to drink red wine in copious amounts and not remember things the next day...... She looks fat too....Good god.......

When you're the Bloggolympics Champion Of The World, understandably there's oh so many media committments. Here's just a sample of one whilst in a radio studio. Rest assured, it was hectic. (BTW:check out how much the earphones suit my cheek contour!!!!! UNCANNY!)

Anywho, in other news, I saw this green tree frog shit itself. The pic is living proof. These creatures are beautiful but really, must it shit?????

Next up: I hit and killed a bird with my car. I don't think that's even remotely amusing, but what does make me smile is that a creature of the night came and pulled the carcass out of the grill (barfing yet???) of my car and as such I did not have to remove said carcass from said grill. Amen.

The Wench and I went out on the weekend. What a fun time was had! I can't even begin to tell you the luck I had! Lots of girth to be felt up! But due to circumscisions beyond my control there was no wrapping my laughing gear around anything. Ho hum.... Alot of pashing/mauling and 'heavy petting' (a term that always gets a giggle out of moi) but that's all. So boring.

Must dash darlings. I also want to add: Just because I have been quite out of the loop for a bit does not mean that I don't think about you all. I've just been super duper lazy and now that there is jack shit on TV I'll be blogging more........

Love youse all!

Thanks for the support!

Cherry-Kimber!xxxxxx

Kisses, Love and Girth!

The Cherry Lays..........Bets.

2006-11-08T21:14:00.000+01:00

Some of you may or may not be aware / give a toss that on Tuesday was 'The Race That Stops The Nation' here Down Under also known as The Melbourne Cup. I've been known to punt on the ol' horses from time to time. Not too much money and only from other people's tips. That way if I lose I have someone else to blame! Ingenius!

Anyway, on Tuesday I got very excited and had a few horses to put bets on as well as going in the sweeps at work. Well, I got to the TAB and was very concious of the horse numbers and that I was betting on the correct horses, because I had money of Lee's and also in the past have bet on the wrong horse because I got the numbers wrong. Up I trotted to the counter and laid the bets onyl to walk away and see that I had been up to my old tricks again! Lo and behold I had bet on the BARRIER NUMBERS!!!!! Not the freaking horse numbers. Some of them were still the correct horses but the others were donkeys. I mean who in their right mind would seriously put a bet on a horse with such a boring name as 'Kerry O'Reilly'? Boring!

One of the mistakes came in third so I guess it wasn't all bad. I got a second and third. Not too shabby, but not fabulous either because after I stuffed up the other bets I had to go and put more money on the ones I really wanted to bet on. I think I may throw in the towel as far as betting on the horses goes. Perhaps I'll dabble in greyhounds next.

Better run peeps. I nearly burnt the house down this morning by forgetting about the coffee and must clean before going to work.

Over and out.
Cheery Cherry!
Kisses!

Pissed Cunt / Walker - A game for the entire family!

2006-11-05T01:49:00.000+01:00

Hiya! I know it's been a long time between blogs, but basically between hard working weeks and trashy weekends, I just haven't been in the blogging zone. Contrary to Jin's belief, sadly, I haven't been getting any. No girth for this Little Aussie Battler. *sob*

Anyway, so like I say I've been working, got a hair cut, been partying, hanging with friends, attending trivia nights (both teams I have been on, The Rainbow Whores and Beckham's Ducks have not done so well. From here the only way is up. We'll keep trying until we at least get a $3 drink voucher!), drinking enough alcohol to kill that trusty old blue whale a few times over, smoking copious amounts of cigarettes and I've also lost a big 4kgs since the Bloggest Loser Launch! *high kick*

In the pic you can't really see the absolute fabulousness of the actual hair cut, but you can see the absolute fabulousness of moi (even if I do look a little pregnant in the dress...), and that's really the main thing. I'll try and capture the haircut in a more close up fashion at a later date.

Yesterday I learnt a brand spanking new game to play whilst driving in the car early in the morning on either a Saturday or a Sunday. My boy buddy Lee taught it t me as we drove to work at the Pyrmont Growers Markets yesterday. Upon seeing a man out in the cold, raining weather at 5.30am running, I said to Lee 'Gee he's keen!' Lee then proceeded to tell me a game he and his sister in law loved to play when they drove to te markets from a suburb with a dense population of bogans. It's called 'Pissed Cunt / Walker', and what you do is when you see a person off in the distance you say either 'Pissed Cunt' if you think the person is drunk and on their way home or 'Walker' if you think the person is a fitness freak. You accrue points and when you reach your destination and tally the points, you have a winner! What a tops game! I urge you all to play it yourselves!

That's about all I gots for ya at this present moment. I'm still trying to catch up on everyone's blogs and will def be blogging more from here on in!

Peace out!
The Cherry Bomb!

Sorry about that....

2006-10-19T13:24:00.000+02:00

Yeah. Sorry about being away for so damn long! I know how you must've all been suffering withdrawals....

I know I promised that I'd give you the low down on what happened THAT Saturday night, but I'm not really in the zone right now. Next time, I promise.

This is just a quick one to let all and sundry (that care) know that The Cherry lives on! Through starvation and a couple of little bits of exercise I continue to live large with The Bloggest Loser competition. Everyone (that's doing it) needs to post how much they've lost so far this coming Monday, okay?

I've pretty much just been driving around (borrowed my sister's car) and getting lost. You know trips that should take one hour end up an hour and a half because one little road is blocked and you have to take a different route and end up going through the back streets and ultimately drive in the wrong direction? That's me. I'd also like to blame my father a little for yesterday's efforts (yes, that's right last night and this morning going all around the world). He assumes I know where I'm going which is a huge mistake to begin with, and then gives me main roads and ends the directions with 'and then you just take the back streets'. Hmmm....very informative! While I was driving the streets aimlessly last night I was taken back to a time in December last year when I dropped the parents off at the airport and then had to drive the 15 minute drive back to my bro's house. When asked for directions my father replied 'Oh! You know the way! Just get out onto such and such and you'll know where you are!' Let it be said that one hour and many a phone call later, I found myself still driving around searching for my bro's house. I nearly ended up in the big smoke which is completely in the opposite direction. hahaha! Loves it!

Ummm.....can't really think of anything else to write for now, except we'll be having a large one Saturday night and another large one next weekend (hopefully both nights). I just trekked into the big smoke and bought two fabulous new frocks! *squeal* Cannot wait to frolick in those at the discoteque. 'Twill surely be nothing short of murder on the dance floor!

Gotta run peeps. Sorry for the neglect, I'll be more diligent in the coming days!

Rock out!
Love youse all!
The directionally challenged Cher xxx

The Bloggest Loser Launch

2006-10-08T14:20:00.000+02:00

Tired of feeling overwieght? Want to rid yourself of that spare tyre? Or simply just want to tone up and feel fantastic? Well 'The Bloggest Loser' may be for you!

Some of my blog buddies as well as non blogging buddies have decided that we should start losing weight together! We'll measure body fat using this method and check in every Monday with improvements in weight etc. No need to publically disclose your start weight though as this could prove to be a humilitating experience and after January 1st the one that has improved the most will be declared The Bloggest Loser! All interested parties email me or leave me a comment to let me know you'll be playing along.

If you feel like purchasing some fabulous sweat bands such as the ones you see being mwardelled by Ms. Olympia (Emma), Lady T (Wendy) and The Cherry then knock yourself out. I feel they can enhance any workout regime.

So in updates for this weekend. Friday night we went and saw a show in Newtown. The first singer wore some sort of psychotic smile whilst singing her original songs. Despite the applause I could see the peeps just wanted her off that damn stage. After she finished Ms. O and I ducked up to the bathroom and who should walk in but the main 'act'. She popped into a cubicle and then left without going through the social norm of washing her hands! Ha! Immediately knew she must have been snorting some of the good stuff in there and went into to check for evidence. Lo and behold, our suspicions were confirmed....I would never have thought this particular singer would be into the good times. Anyway, they were awesome and then we rocked onto RWC for a boogie.
I met a nice chap, kissed him and then left. He called me and said he would see me next weekend. So we'll see. He was hot and I suspect HUNG! On Saturday night I went back to the parents place where a MASSIVE drama unfolded! I'll be posting about that tomorrow or the next day along with pics. I'm not giving away any hints, but I will say that I'm still a little edgy. Well more than a little actually.

That's all for now folks. And remember if you want to get physical by participating in The Bloggest Loser let me know.

Edgy Cherry saying ciao for now.

*blows kiss*

'My body is a movie and your penis is the star!'

2006-10-06T05:12:00.000+02:00

That is my fave profile pic from the Don't Date Him website. He looks like a bit of a catch, don't you think?

Anyway, something's brewin' here in blog land so I urge you all to check back here tomorrow because I will be posting details, sweeties, details!

Not much to tell y'all folks except that I chatted to someone who I hadn't spoken to in a loooooooooong time. And you know who you are and I thought you had gone all MIA on me.

Also there was contact made with the Lebs across the street. I'm thinking we need to have a 'Meet The Neighbours' fucktion if you know what I mean! Bring Neighbourhood Watching to a whole new level. We thought they were drug dealers (hot AND drug dealers?!?!? The Cherry! should be so lucky!) but it turns out they just have a large family and that's why there's the coming and going of cars.

As well as this I have been pumping out a bit o' the ole Vanilla Ice. Loves that shit! Oh and what about Tiffany 'I think we're alone now'?!?!? Or my personal fave Mel & Kim 'Tay tay tay tay tay tay tay tay takin' chances....' from 'Respectable'. It's stuff that you can skip around to in a gay fashion swinging your hair, possibly even bring out a couple of break dancing manouvres or do some sort of robot routine.

Today I have many a thing to do. Check this astonishing list out and ponder how I will get it all done:

Have shower
Wash hair (whilst in shower)
Get dressed
DO THE FREAKING HAIR PROPERLY BEACAUSE I AM MAKING A PUBLIC APPEARANCE
Go INTO the bank because I don't have a keycard
Travel to the Big Smoke
Meet my friend
Meet my other friends
Go to dinner and a show
Consume intoxicating substances at the local - RWC
Possibly pash/grope/touch up a fellow punter in my intoxicated state**

**this will be done to carry on with my life's work on getting girth measurements. Like a survey. It's for scientific purposes.

That's about all I have for you today. I urge you to check back tomorrow where something fabulous will be launched and some fucking fantastic pics will be on here and when you see them you too will say they're fucking fantastic too!

Peace out biatches!
Cock Whore & Certified Cock Sucker signing off for now.....
Kisses and blow jobs all 'round peeps!
Cherry!

Cherry's an Addict

2006-10-04T06:44:00.000+02:00

I'm happy to announce that another addiction can now be added to the following list:

* red wine
* cocks with girth
* blog whoring
* msn messenger
* Valentino Rossi
* The Canterbury Bulldogs

The new addiction is
I am telling you that thanks to visiting Angie's blog today where she spoke about this that I have not been able to stop reading it. At first I thought it was just American guys up there. Imagine my delight when I realised there were Australian guys on there too! *squeal* This is some pretty funny shit, even if it is simultaneously humiliating the crap out of the guys in question. I mean bitches cheat too! It's like an online version of Cheaters, which you all know I LOVE to watch. I love it when they say that they have sexual problems or a small penis. hahaha! Honestly some of the stuff on there is just priceless! Whilst chatting to Kris earlier I had to warn her that she had better go to the bathroom before reading this one because she may actually piss herself laughing when she read it. I urge you to do the same and don't drink anything whilst reading it either because you might spit it over the computer.

I don't think I'd ever go as far as putting anything on there because then I think that it actually shows the guy that you give a shit and it's all about dignity with The Cherry. Having said that it's fabulously entertaining and so I shall keep on reading it!

Take it easy!
Kisses!

Does my butt look big in this colour?

2006-10-03T09:21:00.000+02:00

Well, well, well! What have we here??? A cocktastic blog make over! I don't think a crew of stylists and hair and make up peeps with promises of caramel chunks and highlights teamed with fantastic new bangs working on Ricki Lake could have come up with something of this calibre!

So what do we think? We like? I particularly like that the gal up there in the corner seems to be losing her inhibitions with a wild hair flick.

News Flash: The Cherry has been given a new nickname derived by ancient greek gods on the island of Delos. You may now refer to me as 'Death By Girth' (or you can still just keep calling me as Cherry or Cock Slut as one dear reader's hubby prefers to call me, whatever floats your boat).
Ciao for now and remember GYCO!

Press Release

2006-09-26T05:39:00.000+02:00

In a message released by her publicist today, The Cherry has stated that she would like to thank each and every one of you for your warm birthday wishes. Your ongoing support means so much to her. As she is currently trying to claw her way back to sobriety after partying with her beloved Gal Pals and Man Pals all weekend she regrets to inform that she cannot respond personally to each message and good wish that was bestowed upon her by her fabulous fans. She also warns that the above picture has been altered by the tabloids in an attempt to turn her angelic public image into that of a trashy ho. She also wishes to inform the fans that although several vagrants did offer their 'services' to her as she stumbled out of the dumpster on Sunday afternoon, she declined all offers and had a very cockless birthday. Despite having little recollection of the birthday celebrations she declared her 30th a 'truly memorable' occasion.

Give it up for The Cherry!

2006-09-22T05:00:00.000+02:00

Nigga's! Wigga's! Pimps & Ho's! Now hear ye! Now hear ye!

One score and ten years ago in the spirit of '76 was born the creature that is now recognised as The Pinnacle of Divinity and goes by the name of

CHERRY!

*crowd cheers*

*The Cherry bows*

Lock up your husbands and sons, ladies! And break out the Lazy Susans! This is said to be the age that a woman reaches her sexual peak! Perhaps a leash for The Cherry would be a fitting birthday present and I'm not talking as some kind of kinky bondage thing (although I'm open for discussion).

Really, though as a gal, dare I say 'woman of the world', I want for nothing on this fabulous occassion that is the celebration of my birth. Well nothing except for the following:

*THE BULLDOGS TO WIN THEIR GAME THUS ENTERING THE GRAND FINALE! UP THE MIGHTY DOGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*VALENTINO ROSSI TO WIN ON SUNDAY IN JAPAN THUS EDGING CLOSER TOWARDS THE 2006 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!! FORZA IL DOTTORE!!!!!!!!!*

That's all I can really be bothered with biatches! The game is on tonight, so I'll be watching that and then it's party time with The Gal Pals and a few others on Saturday afternoon / night! YEEHAA!! Saturday night should be wild and I can only hope that this time Drew gets up to his old tricks before I fall asleep. Namely, twirling repeatedly on the dance floor, dramatically leaning against the glass door before the glass door swings open and he falls flat on his face due to inability to catch himself (too intoxicated, reaction times had slowed).

That's all for now! Love youse all!

But for the love of god peeps, on this Special Day pay tribute to Yours Truly and GYCO!!!!

Peace, love and large cocks, sweeties!

Kisses!

Cherry!

BTW: A Happy Birthday to my blog Gal Pal ANDREA! A fabulous day for it, huh?!?!?!

BTW # 2: I did have a pic to post BUT it won't effing let me!!! I didn't see 'anal probe from blogger' on my birthday list did you???????

The Key to True Happiness

2006-09-20T09:31:00.000+02:00

I was reading an article in my the weekend newspaper and they had an article on 'What Really Makes Us Happy'. It went on about how people have more money etc these days but aren't necessarily happier. Well have found the key to happiness, ladies and gentlemen. I think if every household was to have one of these every member of that household would find true happiness. I present to you.............*insert drum roll here*...............

The Lazy Susan!

'I'd never known such happiness until the lazy susan entered my life!' quote Hogan Logan runway super mwardel

Here we see the ever glamorous Hogan Logan runway super mwardel showcasing the lazy susan. The night I arrived in Dubai we decided since we hadn't seen each other for over a year (it can happen to the best of any super mwardels with gruelling work schedules) that it was most certainly an occassion to break out the lazy susan.

'Hogan Logan is that my bacardi and coke?' 'Sure is, Cherry-Kimber, here you go!' *SPIN*

At one stage I attempted to stretch across the lounge to reach the smoked salmon. Hogan Logan was quick to show me the error of my ways simply stating 'Cher, don't stretch. SPIN!'. Wise words that would make a fabulous advertising campaign if I do decide to act / cash in on this brainchild and key to happiness and start making them myself. Can't you just see The Cherry woodworking away (I have worked with wood before but this will be woodwork of a different kind), handcrafting lazy susans complete with safety glasses and the rest of the fabulous woodwork get up? Hogan Logan and I were talking on the phone the other night and we were thinking 'Why not personalise them with some cool stencilling or wonderful decoupage?' That would just increase happiness levels tenfold!! I need some feedback on this peeps, before I get production underway.

Deep throating with lazy susan backdrop

Again we see the lazy susan. Actually, this was just a ploy to put a picture of Hogan Logan attempting to deep throat a pringles container. hahaha! Loves it!

Apart from the plans to get the lazy susan production into full swing and enrich people's lives with true happiness there ain't much going down here. I have a couple of days work tomorrow and the next day which really should be really exciting (yeah right). I am feeling a bit ripped off that I'll miss Cheaters but I plan on recording it so as not to miss out! Monday's episode was the best one I've seen yet where the 'Cheatee' *Dan Newberry, age: 49* went a bit psycho at 'The Confrontation' and after exclaiming 'I can't handle this!' planted his foot on the gas peddle and took off with the host and all the crew chasing him on foot, not knowing WTF was going on!! He then rammed his truck into the car his wife and her lover were in and kept ramming until the car went into the water and the two making out in the back seat scurried to safety!! Fabulous viewing! And the 'case' prior to that one was quite the twisted outcome with the Cheatee finding out that the gal her man of 2yrs was 'cheating' with was a gal he'd actually been with for 5yrs! I mean, who would have seen either of those outcomes happening?!?!? Great stuff! Where do they find these people?!?!

And let us not forget that it is THE CHERRY'S 30TH BIRTHDAY on Friday peeps! Hoorah!

Cock or Two?

2006-09-18T10:09:00.000+02:00

Moi complete with a cocked up crest (ie cockatoo crest)

Look at this mesmorising picture of moi and don't focus on the green solarised hue in the facial area. That's just a bit of my artsy prep to disguise early morning imperfections (as if there were really any imperfections! I just went a little crazy with the photo program bitches! I wake every morning like I just walked off a Bold and the Beautiful set....obviously apart from the hair). Allow yourself to focus on the fabulousness of the hair. I woke up with my hair standing on end, my mother and sister in law laughing at me over the hair, but my halo in tact! The hair looks like a guy may have taken a shot in the wrong direction, if you know what mean.... If you woke up beside this vision, wouldn't you just chew your own arm to get away?!?!?!? (Shut up jin!)

Cock or two?

Well as tough as it may sound I continue to lead a life of well earned leisure. I went to the interview with the agency on Friday and I do believe the term 'Amazing candidate' was being thrown around. Anyway, she’' been out the night before, slipped in the 'f' word accidentally which made us laugh our heads off and when she asked what my future goals were I said 'Evil World Domination' and we laughed some more. So we shall see if that leads to anything but secretly I hop it doesn't because I may be getting a job with my friend just around the corner from my parents’ place. Obviously, this would be the best situation for saving the cashola to get up and running again. The only problem with it is that if I ever get stuck for a lift to work and back I’d have to drive the Porn Star Porsche and I think it's hard to change gears in that thing. Nevertheless it's a set of wheels even if the fuel consumption is completely obscene.

Here is one of the kangaroos. I think I'm going to name one 'Valentino' and the other 'Rossi'. Thoughts?

The weekend has come and gone and the weather was glorious! On Saturday my sister in law came over, as did my sister and her girlfriend and whilst my bro and dad went for a motorbike ride we ate lunch and got stuck into the trusty old vino. Later Christina (sister in law), mum and I all danced a merry jig which was highly amusing! Trust me when I say we were pulling out some awesome manoeuvres! Call of the day was when Mum asked Christina if she knew what muffdiving was. According to Christina it came way out of left field and had us laughing for quite a while. Sunday my parents and I watched the MotoGP and may I say it was an extremely unusual and interesting race due to on and off rain. Our Boy Valentino Rossi made the podium at third place with a nailbiting finish (ie: all of us jumping up and down in the lounge room) and Nicky Hayden coming fifth and Pedrosa finishing waaaaaaay back. *insert Evil World Domination laugh here* This means Our Boy is still a chance of winning the world championship AGAIN!! Forza Il Dottore!!

This is what I saw this morning. Clouds often float over the river in the morning here. They sit above the water and kind of move on down. Quite magical indeed!

In other news we have had many a visitor of the wildlife variety too, much to my delight! This morning mum was feeding a king parrot out of a container she was holding whilst the bird was sitting on the balcony rail. Tops! And not so long ago I was sitting here minding my own business when our regular kangaroo visitors hopped on by! How cool is that! It hopped away a bit, but I went outside and got some pics but they aren’t really close range, but you can still get the drift I'm sure. They were just kickin' it kanga style. I hope the're back tomorrow. Oh and what about the cockatoo?!?! Not just a ploy to slip the word cock in. He has been hanging around, calling out to his friends and getting his crest out there for all to see.

Hello sailor! Cousin Jazzy came to visit us with Christina and Michael. Christina and I are currently obsessed wth dog's clothing, but secretly I think The Christ of Ina is more into it than The Cherry.....okay probably not but I didn't want to come across as having problems, you know?!?!?!

The male king parrot. Why are the men always prettier????

What else do I have for you????? I'm trying to think. And since thinking has never been my forte I guess I'll just have to leave it here. Enjoy the pics!

The female

Still beautiful but I mean the red face on the male is pretty fucking cool!! This one actually seems to be a little braver. Which I must say are typical traits of gals in general right? hahaha! This is the one that my mum got to eat from the container! AWESOME!!! Soon I hope to have it eating out of my hand. A bit the same way Evil World Domination, men and I will soon work!

Love youse all and GYCO!
C xxx

PS I selflessly volunteered to whore out my fellow Australian’s blog on this post. So I’m doing just that! Get on over to Kiki's blog and see what he has to say for himself! Do it! You know you want to!

The New Angelic Look

2006-09-14T11:17:00.000+02:00

So what's everyone thinking about the new improved profile picture?!?!?!? You've all seen the pic before but I snazzied it up somewhat.

Not much happening here except that I have just been lazing around in leisure suits kickin' it with the dawgs. I wasn't going to start looking for work until next wek to give me some R&R time but I thought since I wasn't doing anything I might as well send out the trusty resume to some angencies. Lo and behold a couple got back to me immediately (I'm in demand you know) and now I have a freaking 'interview' with one tomorrow in the city. There goes a the R&R. For tomorrow I shall be up at the crack of freaking dawn and *shudder* commuting in my skin tight suit. Why skin tight I hear you ask. Because I have taken the term 'bulking up' to entirely new levels. All I can say is thank the lord that I always buy these types of ensembles in sizes a couple of sizes too big to allow for things such as becoming three shadows of my former self. I did try to coherce the lass into seeing me next week but I sensed a tone of urgency in her voice. I just hope that means I will have work next week thus allowing me to rise above the poverty line. Goodbye to fabulous television viewing such as 'Cheaters' (loves that show!!!) and real life stories about weddings and shit! Hello rat race and having to deal with other people in a 'professional' environment!

Let's hope this is the only chick I have to waste my time going to see!

Peace out my pretties!
Cherry!
xxx

Lights! Camera! Action!

2006-09-13T05:16:00.000+02:00

Yesterday afternoon when I arrived back at the ranch, Dad immediately decided to get the dogs frocked up and ponying down the runway to do a welcome back fashion show for me. It was exhilerating to be honoured in such a way. So much so that I could not take photos. Today I frocked them all up again (inspired by Jin's post with Brioche in it) and decided to let them become mwardels once again. Here's the magic that the camera captured.....

A group shot at the end of the show

Due to the demands of the competitive industry, and their desire to stay in shape, the mwardels no longer dine on raisin toast on a daily basis, instead opting just to eat this special treat every now and ten.

Here we see Lily with a somewhat distant look in her eye. Exactly the look we were trying to achieve during this particular shoot. A sort of bored / I have better things to do with my time look that has come to be so popular in mwardelling over the years. The purple leopard skin is a popular choice amoung young ladies today in the upper class society.

The one thing I really like in this look that Sonny Bill is sporting is that he really has been able to retain his masculinity despite a rather flamboyant tiger skin garment and matching black collar with orange diamontes. I think it screams 'I'm tough, don't fuss with me' whilst simultaneously sending out the messag that he's completely in touch with his feminine side.

Poppy is dressed in a fabulous pink ensemble which is complimented by her fuscia diamonte collar. The look is classically girly, but hints that inside there's a wild side wanting to break free. Ever the professional mwardel, you'd never know from these inspirational shots that she has an ear infection and threw up just minutes before the show due to 'nerves'.

*All mwardels are represented by The Cherry Presents Mwardelling Agency*

Malaria anyone???

2006-09-12T08:17:00.000+02:00

Cock or not?

Hey peeps!

Well finally arrived back Down Under and let me tell you it is as freezing as a mofo (and that's freezing!!!) and it has been pissing down like a mofo too, ever since I touched down. Apparently, it was 31 a couple of weeks ago, but the weather gods just know how to toy with a Cherry's emotions. I know it's selfish because we need the rain, but fuck it! I really don't think it's too much to ask to at least turn up the old heat a little.

I'll be posting at length tomorrow with pictures too, but for now I'm going to curl up on the lounge and watch MotoGP races from the beginning of the season that I didn't see and hope to kick this malaria once and for freakin' all. Okay, well it's not malaria, but Hogan Logan and I were sure there for a while that that's what we had come down with. The flight didn't help my throat and now with this cold weather it's actually turned into a cold. Generally I don't feel too bad and I haven't let it stop me from seeing the fans and having the 'odd drink' (read: copious amounts of alcohol) here and there as I delight the fans with my presence.

On the bright side, my voice is now an extremely sexual husky tone. I've even been trying to chat up myself.

Last but by no means least, I'd like to wish Jin a fabulous birthday! I wonder how she feels now that she's clocked up half a century.......*insert Evil World Domination laugh here*

Over and out peeps!
Cher xxx

BTW My football team kicked some ass on the weekend and Valentino Rossi won in Malaysia too! Hoorah!!

A quick hello from the dessert, sweeties!

2006-09-05T10:47:00.000+02:00

Yo! 'Sup dawgs?!?!?!

I just thought I'd say a quick hello to all y'all from Dubai, Land of Camels and hot arabian men in dish dashes. I had forgotten how highly alluring I find a man in a dish dash. Yummy! The only downfall is that you have to use your imagination in the crotch region. It's not like a nice tight fitting pair of jeans where you can see what's on offer in the lunchbox before you make it to the love nest. Know what I'm saying? The dish dash is a little riskier...... It's a risk I'd be willing to take.

So let me get you up tp speed. Major panic attack just before I left my house in The 'Ganza. Not even three glasses of vino and chain smoking calmed me. It's was kinda crazy. My suitcase was as heavy as a mofo. 39kgs to be exact. At the airport when I put it on he just looked at the bag, and then at me and simply said 'No way'. hahahahahaha! So the next part is embaressing but I shall tell you all. The Cherry had to open her suitcase and take shit out of it right there in the freakin' airport in front of everyone!! hahahahahaha! OMFG! I mean I think that was karma coming back around to bite on the ass because I have been known to chuckle a little (read alot) when I see this happening to other people. Either that or it was one last ass rape from Italia as a farewell present.

The flight was okay. It would have been better if it wasn't for the Malaysian guy sitting next to me. You know the kind that think they're black and so act like some sort of brother. Firstly the flight was a Saturday afternoon arriving in Dubai at midnight so I was kinda curious as to why the hell he chose to wear a suit! ha! Loser! And to make matters worse: CHEAP POLYESTER! Nigga please! And his shirt was unbuttoned a bit to show off a bit of chest hair. That shit was making me gag. He also hogged the arm rest the entire way! Bastardo!

I must say it's been fabulous to see all of my Dubai peeps. Really fabulous and like I never left! It's making me want to extend the stay. But since I have fans awaiting my arrival in Sydney I guess I can't. Tonight we're all ponying (that's MWARDEL TALK, btw) down the runway of life and into the launch of H&M. Will Madonna be making an appearance?!?!? According to my reliable sources 'the guest list cannot be confirmed'. Screw you Madonna, we don't need you to have a good time! Should be a fun night though. And then tomorrow I'll be going on safari. Yeehaa! I hope I get to ride a camel. I will be taking pics for the blog, so fear not my little pretties, fear not!! I have also watched the entire Series 3 of nip / tuck. Only one way to describe it: 'Damn! That shit is whack!' Loves it ALOT!

Thanks for keepin' it real guys! You've been a wonderful audience! *blows kiss* (or maybe just blows. I'd have to see what was on offer *insert Evil World Domination laugh here*)

Love Cherry-Kimber Banchele

The Cherry Presents..........

2006-09-01T11:45:00.000+02:00

THE CHURCH OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION!

Well hung, or what?!?!

Hey good lookin'. What ya got cookin'? How about cookin' somethin' up with me! This here apron is my pride and joy. This is how I greeted the dinner guests, Matteo and Manuel last night. Talk about Getting Your Cock Out!

Murder on the dance floor!

So anyway, the boys came over for dinner last night and a fabulous time was had by all! These are just a few of the pics taken.

'The Man' aka Manuel GYCO's. He has aspirations of having a dick the size of a black man's.

Well having a bit of a dig at bitches is becoming a weekly thing, it would seem. Today's gripe is about how they can just get the screaming shits with you one minute, not enlighten you as to why they're pissed at you, let it be known to the whole crew present that they're pissed at you and then five minutes later start talking to you like nothing ever happened! hahahahahaha! Fuck me! Some bitches need to come with a warning that mind reading is essential if you want to hang with them. This is yet another reason why I hate gals. Well I have a select few that I like and that's mainly because they're on the same wave length as moi. I mean if you're annoyed by something just fucking say it and get it over with instead of making a huge production out of it, you know? I could go on with a few other things that are getting on my tits whilst simultaneously boring me to tears, but I don't want to bore all y'all with that crap and besides I've already had a bitch to a couple of you via chat today (thanks Jin and Mike!! hahahaha! Katy when you get on you're not safe either!! *insert Evil World Domination laugh here*).

The delightful Matteo!

So below are the photos taken at the Church of the Immaculate Conception. Quite a fascinating place and if you ever make your way to Roma, I urge you go there and check. it. out. So apparently, all of these monks wanted to be bureid like right there in the church because it was the place of conception blah blah blah. Soon it became so packed that they had a more skeletons than they knew what to do with. They did what anyone would do and decided to decorate the freaking interior with the freaking bones!!!! It's eerily revolting, yet ooooh so intriguing!

Proudly presented by Cherry & Joce!

Here's the lovely Joce!! One could be mistaken for thinking 'tis moi that is preggers, not her! So this is out the front of the church.

Again front of the church.

Front of the church.

Boner anyone?

Here are the bones! I mean check that shit out! It's just like 'Hey Franco, can you grab that C5 verterbrae and throw it over here? I'm thinking of doing some arrow kinda things on the roof. What do you think?' All that decoration there is made of freaking peeps bones!!

A unique form of interior decoration

Here are somefull skeletons still with their robes on. Some of them looked kind of mummified. Like I said really very cool, yet feral all at once! These are actually ILLEGAL PHOTOS!!!! Are your eyes burning just looking at them and is the computer screen melting? Because there was a big sign saying no photos, but we threw caution to the wind. She did see us snapping away and yelled out over a loud speaker thing, but what's she going to do? Confiscate the camera?!?!?! I don't think so!! Plus it said don't touch. But this sneaky little Cherry did touch a bone! And not the type of bone I'm accustomed to!!! It felt like wood. And not the type of wood I'm accustomed to!!! I know it was naughty of me to go against the rules, but being a non conformist I did what I felt like at the time. So spank me!

'I just love what you've done with the dining room, daaaaahling!'

More bone decorations. It's only a small place and there are about four different rooms. Below are some more of the full skeletons, standing in arches made of like femurs and skulls and stuff. I think they're femurs anyway. It's been a while since I finished the massage course and really must freshen up on the old knowledge.

Spooooooooky!

So that's that! I hope you found it as cool as Lee, Joce and I did! This is my last post from Italia!!! Can you believe that shit?!?!?! I leave the house tomorrow at midday. As I said to Kiki yesterday, very little time to teach many more Italians the word 'cunt'. I fly from Milano into Dubai. AAAAAAAHHHH!!! Excellent! I cannot wait to see the other mwardel. Not just any mwardel! But a runway supermwardel! (I wish I could put audio on here so you could actually here the way we say it. It's hilarious!!!) Tonight I'm off to Soe and Lucio's again! Hilarity should ensue! I'll try and get another ass shot. No doubt it will be out and proud! hahaha!

The next time I post I shall be in the dessert, sweeties! I advised Hogan Logan that I would not be making any public appearances whilst there due to embaressing weight gain. He said there was one public appearance to made at the H&M launch. I said to him that I'd just have to don a burqua so nobody could see the fat etc. I mean if it's anywhere I can get away with a stunt like that it's in Dubai! Problem solved! Fabulous!

That's it for now! If anyone needs me I'll be in the middle east kickin' it with camels in my burqua.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone! GYCO!!

Love youse all!

******BTW can everyone nick over to Scott's blog for his Freaky Friday question!?!?!?! Link on the side there! Kisses!!******

The Cherry Presents.........

2006-08-31T12:40:00.000+02:00

PIAZZA VENEZIA!

So this was one of my fave things in Rome. I must have taken a hundred photos of this due to loving it so much! Let me know what you think!

Walking down the road. See the horses on the roof there in the distance? That's where I'm heading!

Ain't it fabulous?!?!

Check it out!

Lovely!

Some kind of marble statue thing on the edge of the stairs (I think!)

Carvings into the marble. Loves it!

Is that an orgy I see before me?

There were guards in front of this thing

Tops!

Horses

Another horse!

That thing again

With the flags! Fabulous!

Poles

More poles

And more poles! All these poles are making me hungry, if you know what I mean...*wink wink nudge nudge*

HAWT SHOT!

Pretty!

Awesome!

Last one!

So what did you think? Did you love it as much as I did???

Tomorrow's presentatin is going to be AWESOME! So make sure you pop back over then to have a quick squiz!

Ciao for now party peeps and keep on GYCO'ing!

Cher xxx

The Cherry Presents.......

2006-08-30T10:29:00.000+02:00

ROMA!

Here for your viewing pleasure are just a few of my photos of Rome. There are quite a few but these, my friends, are but a drop in the ocean. You should see how many I actually took. In the end I kind of got sick of taking photos! Enough talk! Let's get straight into it, shall we?!?!

A picture of the Vatican taken from a bridge in from of the castle.

Walking up to the Vatican.

If I'm honest I was very disappointed with my pics taken of the Vatican solely because of the lighting. Obviously, I have learnt a valuable lesson and I pass on this information to you. Don't go at this time of day. Haul ass there in the morning, even midday. Just don't go with the sun like this because this is what happens!

The Vatican

As I walked up to the Vatican I was listening to some really phat and funky beats. I remember the one I was listening to as I approached this fabulous place was really make me funk out. It was a song about Mohammad Ali and it was saying 'Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee'. I really just wanted to stop right there and dance my ass off, but I had to settle for a bit of a dance / walk scenario. I'm sure it looks kinda funny to the untrained eye, but really there is an art to it.

Moi

Just to prove that I didn't get these pics of the internet and that I really was there. Self portrait. One of the downfalls of travelling alone: head shots only. Yes I could ask someone to take a pic but I hate people, strangers in particular, strange tourist even moreso. And when I cruise around alone I tend to get in the zone and just want to 'be' and not have to deal with other people. I know this makes me sound entirely deranged, but when did I claim to be otherwise?!?!?!

The Vatican

I did love the Vatican, but being the faithful Catholic that I am (oh stop laughing you bitches! Jin, I said STOP!) I had hoped for some sort of spiritual awakening or perhaps a rod of light (or rod of any kind would have done come to think of it) to envelope me and do whatever it is that rods of light do when they envelope peeps. Alas! I was left rodless and the spiritual awakening did not occur until about an hour later by way of Mojito. That was when I was joined by the lovely Lee and Jocelyn and that's when all the games began! Lee and I were fabulous friends in high school and Jocelyn is his gorgeous wife who is currently up the duff with their first child! I can't wait until the little munchkin's born! Lee and I consumed dangerous levels of alcohol over dinner and then walked back to the hotel using imaginary nordic walking sticks, whilst Joce captured the magical moments on camera. When I get these shots I shall post them!

I quite like this shot

This kind of an up close shot of the roof in the last. Check that out! AMAZING!!!

Stop and think about how packed this place would have been when the pope died? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Uh huh! Packed like a black man's undies!

The guards. I hope they get paid danger money for wearing this sort of get up.

Fountain in front of the Vatican

The front of the Vatican

That fabulous part with the fantastic roof again. This time with the clock in it so I can always remember what time I was kickin' it at my main man's joint, the pope.

I'm loving this photo something chronic

The Vatican...again

The castle

Tres romantic!

So I was strolling along, took a wrong turn and ended up walking along this very picture-esque river. Tree lined with gorgeous bridges. Oh the romance just looking at these pictures kills me! *sigh*

Go the Doggies!

WTF?? I hear you all cry. I took this because my football team in Aus is the Bulldogs. hahaha! I'm obssessed!

Ancient stuff

Near the Coliseum

Pullin' out the big guns.....The Coliseum!

Ain't it something else?!?!?!?!

Again....

Fabulous nostril shot!

And again....

A church or something I think

Sorry I can't give you more info than that peeps. I'd have to look it up and I have no time for that no, frankly. Think yourselves lucky you're getting the pics! hahaha! Just kidding. I'm really not very well read as far as this Roma thing goes. But it has inspired moi to read more about history because it really is very fascinating.

A big pole with girth

And speaking of fascinating.....I know you think I just took pics of this pole because it's like a huge cock, but in actual fact I took this close up, not because of the girth, hell no! Check out the detail on that big mutha there! When you think of how old all of these things are the mind boggles! I'm flat out waking up in the morning let alone carving pretty pictures into stone and building churches and coliseums. Mama mia!

On the walk to the Coliseum. More ancient stuff and a church in the background. Pretty shot. And I took it all by myself! *pats self on back*

More ancient stuff and that.

Svetlana kisses Hogan Logan backstage at the Versace Winter Collection Show.

And here we are at the end of the presentation for Part One of the Roman Series. I hope you have all thoroughly enjoyed it! I leave you with this picture of two hawt mwardels (read hot models), Hogan Logan and Svetlana (our mwardel names) taken last July. The relevance? This was the last time I have seen this beautiful speciman of a human being and I think it was the last time I saw my toes too, I don't see them much nowadays due to excessive weight gain. I digress.....In just a few days time I shall be greeted in Dubai by Mama Cass (aka Paul). OMFG I totally cannot wait to see him!!!!! I'm practically squealing sitting here just thinking about it! It will be four days of fun, sun and laughter! Hoorah! All the things I love! When Hogan Logan and Svetlana get together hilarity ensues. In fact, I am killing myself laughing as I type. *high kick*

I suppose I had better start packing or something, huh?

Hello Little Cherubs!

2006-08-29T22:09:00.000+02:00

The Usual Suspects: Soe, Lucio, Mimo, Gaetano & Allie

Ciao party peeps! I trust everyone had yet another fabulous weekend as did I! Here is an assortment of pics taken over the weekend. I have tried to post more but ye ole' blogger is back to doing what it does best! Jarring The Cherry up the clacker sideways. As a result this weekend's pictorial escapades will be posted in two lots. One today and, all going well, one tomorrow! I know I was going to present to you Rome as well as Pisa & Lucca, and I will but you'll just have to wait!

This cake was divine!

I think the the pics of tomorrow will be better than today's, but there's nothing I can do about it. Nevertheless allow me to enlighten you as to what went down.....On Friday night I picked Allie up from the train station then armed with all the necessities, namely booze, cigarettes and a chip on our shoulders. I think the latter was due to exhaustion, but it was there nonetheless. So we sat in our usual positions on the step in the garden and caught up. We were also drinking quite quickly which made Allie pipe up and say that if we didn't calm it down we wouldn't see 8 o'clock. Well we stayed up long enough to watch Bridget Jones' Diary, dance a very merry jig to Van Morrison and then crashed at 10.30. Woohoo! Huge night in!

Soe and Lucio

Unfortunately, due to my early night I missed out on a ren dez vous with the delightful Plan B, but I did wake up early enough to go for breakfast with Gaetano. We ate and then went to walk in the park and we were pleasantly surprised to find the bar open so we ate icecream. There's something cool about eating icecream at 7am. I think it's called fatso whale status here I come.

Spicy Italian sausage anyone?

Saturday night was the BBQ night at Soe and Lucio's. As always tops fun! Eating, drinking, dancing, hilarity, talk of sex, a sprinkling of nudity and sausage sucking! As you can see the pic above shows a bit of the sausage scenario. Tomorrow I'll be posting a pic of the star of the BBQ and by star I mean Lucio's ass which he likes flashing around just for the hell of it. It's getting to the stage where it's a surprise not to see his ass.

Unless you want the place burnt down don't let me cook pasta

The above picture shows an oven mit that came off second best whilst I was trying to cook some pasta for Allie. I was trying to get the damn pasta to go into the pot (it was long stuff) and the handle was hot. So I got the mit, put it on and perservered with trying to get the pasta in. Then I smelt a funny smell and thought it was the pasta leaning against the hot pot. A few seconds later flames! After some quick action of water to flame, I laughed my head off and waved the old white flag to signal to Allie that I was giving up.

Need a hand? A statue in the park

On Sunday I watched DVD's all day long at Allie's place and then came home with enough time to do a quick tidy up before the gorgeous Plan B came over for a bit of lovin'. I chilled a bottle of wine that I bought in Chianti, bought a tiramisu and got the DVD's ready. Not porn, just ordinary movies. Spicy Italian sausage two days in a row! Fabulous!

Hello turtle!

This is a pic taken of a turtle swimming around in the lake in the park. Cute!

Just hanging, Euro Trash Style

Here's a picture of me just kickin' it in the park at that crack of dawn, pre ice cream eating.

Please see the other post for more pics!

Peace out!

Hello Little Cherubs! (Part Two)

2006-08-29T10:25:00.000+02:00

So I figured out how to upload pics without a problem! I really feel like I have evolved technologically speaking. Fab! Without further ado, here are some more pics of the weekend, but be sure to read the other post as well because that's where the stories are.

The real 'Just Got Out of Bed' look

If you're going to do something, do it with confidence. And if that means going out to the car to fetch your clothes with a sheet wrapped around you, high heels on and gorgeous bed hair, then so be it! Take the bull by the horn(s) hehehehe and do it! As you can see the look is really working for me.

Tiramisu from my fave ice cream shop

This is the tiramisu for Plan B and I. Dessert after 'dessert' if you catch my drift.*wink wink nudge nudge* We didn't eat it all and yesterday after only a few hours sleep, I was struggling to get out of bed. Suddenly I thought of the left over tiramisu in the fridge and voila! Out of bed I sprang and tucked into a bit of tiramisu! Yum!

Piggy in the middle

This is moi with Mimo and Gaetano. God I need to shed some kilos!! Terrible shot of me!

Self portrait

Gaetano and I. We also took some shots of Gaetano and I doing a few 'Titanic' moves but due to glaring double chin I have refrained from posting them. This shot cuts out any double chin, and that's the way I like it!

HAWT!

Lucio with a bit of cake on his face, courtesy of Mimo and the top of some wine bottles over his eyes. In the same way that the 'Just Got Out of Bed' look works for me, this, obviously, is a very happening look for Lucio.

It's murder on the dance floor

Mimo busts out some broom stick manouvers on the dance floor.

Cherry licks the cream

I think this pic speaks for itself.

Everyone dipping into the cake

This is what was left of the cake. As you can see every last morsel was being devoured.

Getting cheeky!

I have saved the best for last. Presenting the star of the show: Lucio's ass! It was quite a performance by his ass to say the least......

Tomorrow I will start the Rome series! Ciao for now my lovelies!

My Last Weekend!!!!

2006-08-25T14:41:00.000+02:00

Siena

I'm finishing this week of blogging with a few pics of Tuscany and a few randoms. It's my last full weekend in this wonderful nation that is Italia. I'm planning FUN! FUN! FUN!

Grapes, oh the grapes!

Tonight I'm catching up with Allie as she returns from Chianti and a possible ren dez vous with Plan B. With only one week left, we'd best be getting busy! hahahaha!

The church through the vineyards

Tomorrow night is a BBQ at Soe and Lucio's. Let's hope the sausage they'll be serving there isn't the only spicy Italian sausage I wrap my laughing gear around this weekend.

I think I'm more patriotic towards Italia than I am for Australia. Or maybe the Italian flags just nicer.

So yes, just one week left to go! *sob* / *squeal* / WTF do I always leave packing to that last minute?????? I'm sad to be leaving fabulous friends behind, excited to be seeing my peeps in Dubai for the week that I'll be there and dying to see my fantastic friends and family back in Australia! Eeek! Alot of fun on the horizon! Alot of crazy crazy crazy fun!

Ass Rape courtesy of Italia anyone? Look no further!

I thought I'd whack this photo on because it I saw that this company existed after the repeated ass rapes I received from this country, Italia. Maybe I should have tried to gain employment there to prevent them. Surely they don't go after their own.....

Soe & Lucio demostrate 'The Renee Kiss'. Yes, they were inspired by moi! I'm so proud! *sob*

Here we see Soe and Lucio doing 'The Renee Kiss' (Renee is moi BTW, Cherry's a nickname!). They give me a demo almost every time I see them and take a pic almost every time they give me a demo. This one was taken in a restaurant. As you can see Lucio is really getting into it!

The spectacular sunrise!

Okay this one's of the sunrise this morning. I was fortunate to wake up to a lovely message from a Certain Someone and then when I actually got out of bed this is what I saw. Beautiful!

My bro, Mikhail (aka Michael). Maybe getting hacked is similar to getting punked.

This is a pic of my bro. I received an email from him and his wife a while ago and only just now realised there was an attachment. This is what is was. It says 'you have been hacked'. So I guess I'll get the story behind that upon my return to the Land Down Under. It wouldn't surprise me if they were on drugs at the time and wanted to experiment with whatever that program is where you can use the spraypaint and shit. Bless their little cotton socks!

Smokin'!

And last but not least I leave you with a pic of Yours Truly. 'Why, oh why?' I hear you ask. Just to equalise. In other words: butt ugly bro versus stunning sis. And because it's my flamin' blog, ya flamin' mongrels (said like Alf Stewart from 'Home & Away')!

Next week I shall endeavour to post every day. There'll be three posts on Rome and one for Pisa and Lucca. I know that's only four but there'll be other things too. So stay tuned!

Cheers to everyone having a truly wonderful weekend, sweeties! Ah! I can hear the pop of the cork now! Not that cork (I wish!), the vino bottle, ya filthy animals!

Cheerio my little buttercups!

Air kisses and cheers-ing to all!

Hung Like A Horse

2006-08-24T12:51:00.000+02:00

She's HAWT!

Who's that fabulous, foxy mama flying that Italian flag? It's me! Obviously with a future so bright I have to wear shades 24/7. Rockin'! This picture was taken after we'd seen the palio in Siena. It's sheer madness, I tells ya, sheer madness.

A gate into Siena

So this is the gate to Siena (or something), the streets are lined with the different flags of all the different districts of the city. Then each district (well the districts change each race) has a horse that goes in the race. The race is fucking crazy. No one knows the order that the horses will line up to start the race until just before they start doing so. Each of the horses names are called out one by one and they go behind a rope. That's all just a rope, not like in a proper horse race. Then when, and only when, all the horses are lined up and facing the front and as under control as what they could possibly be then the race begins. If there are horses acting up they all have to go back and the start lining up again. I think the horses were lining up for a good 30 - 40 minutes in this race. I think they should change the rules and disqualify any horse that is a repeat offender because it was the grey horse's fault that it took so long. It was mental and would only face the back.

A street lined with flags

Anyway, the race only goes for three laps of the piazza and doesn't last very long at all, given all the pomp and ceremony that goes along with it. Leading up to it there's a whole lot of peeps in brightly coloured costumes, throwing flags around, banging drums, riding horses and the like. The jockeys are also wearing brightly coloured costumes but nothing too fancy as it would clash with the nike running shoes they were all wearing. They also ride bare back. Scary shit going at the speed they do on those psycho horses.

This is a little piazza decked out with all the flags etc.

Before the actual palio started we went and checked out the piazza to soak up the atmosphere. Really soak it up before hitting a bar, watching it on the TV and soaking up some vodka. Well the real reason we went to a bar was so that we could actually see the race. You can stand in the middle of the track which is packed and not see anything, hire a seat on the outskirts of the track, which will set you back about $500 or hightail it to the comfort of a bar.

Horses of the carabinieri, not the horses in the race. I love the carabinieri. Tasty!

Allie and I chose the latter. It was a pretty cool little place and we were soon joined by peeps from all walks of life. One group of young teenagers. Two guys and two gals. The older boy was decked out in very gay-esque clothes that reminded me of the 80's. Think Wham, think 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go' (fuck I totally loves that song!!). So he was wearing a tight, fluro green shirt and his girlfriend was one of the gals in their posse. At one stage the Wham Boy's telephone rang he answered it and then his gf signalled to him to say hi to whoever it was on the phone. From what I could gather he either didn't pass on the message or she got the massive shits and started sulking because he said 'Auguri' (best wishes) from her instead of the simple 'Ciao' she had wished for. He tried to make amends by buying her an icecream, which after he bought, she refused and continued to sit there sulking for quite a while. They made up somewhere along the line but I must have missed that because when I turned back they were making out like madmen. If only I knew how to say in Italian 'Please keep Public Displays of Affection to a minimum'......

The opposite side of the piazza to the belltower side. Taken just so you 'get a feel' for the place. If you want to 'get a feel' of me, just let me know and we'll work something out.

When I was thinking this morning about what I was going to write in this post I started thinking about that gal's little performance and then it made start thinking about the way bitches just start sulking for no reason purely to get attention from their bf's / husbands / whatever. It's like that baby talk thing I posted a little while ago. There are so many things about the way gals behave in relationships that kill me. It's as if as soon as they get a bf or around their bf their brain goes fucking crazy. Why not just act the way you are around your friends? The way you really are. I mean if a friend wasn't paying you the attention you wanted would you just start fucking sulking until they said repeatedly asked 'What's the matter?' and you replied repeatedly 'Nothing' in a pouty kind of way.

Yes, what a fucking hot shot! Makes me look like a little teapot: short and stout, which is all the rage at the mo'.

Also when I was out and about this morning thinking of what to write I stumbled across a porno on the pavement. Not of the magazine variety but of the DVD variety. How does that happen? I ask you?

The piazza. That bell tower is SOOOOO tall.

Another funny thing we saw on the TV the other night whislt drinking scotch on the rocks, wearing wigs, fake ears, singing into bright pink dusters and dancing to some sort of pathetic music at Soe and Lucio's was an ad for a series of DVD's. It was a whole stack of movies who's theme was serial killers. Silence of the Lambs was one of them and the rest were of the same mould. That's not the funny part though. The funny part was that the next ad that immediately followed was for a set of knives and then the ad following that one was some sort of cartoon character wielding a machete, kung fu style. Maybe they're trying to promote serial killers in society.

The bell tower (the one in the pic above but from a diff angle)

That's pretty much it for the mo'. Besides stepping on the scales yesterday and then immediately wanting to step off a cliff, most things are pretty damn good! I have been out exercising for the last two days in Cittadella a beautiful park in Parma where everyone goes to be seen exercising. It's quite amusing to watch all the people. So this is the start of my effort to get back into shape ready for the summer! Yes, that's right suckers! Two summers! *insert Evil World Domination laugh here*

All pray to the Vino.

2006-08-23T11:07:00.000+02:00

Inside the shop

Hi beautiful people! I hope you are all feeling fabulous and GYCO'ing. I'm a little tired but not too tired to give the low down on one of our fantastic adventures (read shitfaced episodes) in Chianti.

Down in the cellars.

As we all know Sunday is the holy day. So being a dedicated follower of the Vino Bottle I embarked on a spiritual journey by way of a Vino Tour of the wonderful Enoteca del Castello Di Brolio . The winery itself was absolutely awesome, the tour guide was very informative and last but by no means least the vino was just divine!

The vino tasting room

There were three very cool Belgium peeps also along for the spiritual quest with Allie and I. We ended up sitting there from 11 until around 2pm chatting and having a merry old time. I was instantly fascinated by Michel who is a sports commentator for cycling in his country. So I was quizzing him on the how's and why's of getting into such a field. He also had a very nice ring. hahahaha! Not that kind of ring, but I did find him quite attractive.

Delights that awaited our arrival!

We all chatted, joked, shared many a story of times gone by and laughed. Oh! How we laughed! We tried these three reds all quite different from the other. We also tried the Chardonnay and the Grappa as well as the sweet wine and the olive oil they produce. All very good. The chards was so good I bought a couple of bottles for The Wench (one of my best gal pals) as a gift for when i get back to Australia. Together The Wench and I have prayed to many a Vino Bottle, so I thought it was appropriate.

At the luncheon

The tour guide soon had to go back to work and later came in to find us all still getting along like a house on fire. She commented that she had never seen a group get along so well. Must have been because it was a holy day. We all decided to rock on to lunch together.

The Famous Michel: fabulous man, fabulous indeed!

Michel was in charge of ordering further Vino bottles to pray to. And what a fine job he did! Most impressive choices and the quote of the day was by none other than this connoisseur when he tried one of the wines for the first time and exclaimed 'This is like an angel pissing on your tongue!' He was right it was divine!

A pot that they store the olive oil in

I aksed him if he was famous in Belgium and he replied modestly that he was not. So I asked his father, his father said yes. I just google his name and there were quite a few entries! He is famous!! I knew it! I'm going to email him right away and tell him that he has been found out by Detective Cherry! Nothing gets by moi! Anyway, fabulous day, fabulous peeps, fabulous food and a fabulous day of praying to the Vino Bottle!

The sunset. *sigh*

If you ever get the chance to go to this place of worship and do a tour I highly recommend it!

Kisses!

PS Notice my blog is barring up again? By that I mean the sidebar is back! Finally!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!

2006-08-21T11:04:00.000+02:00

View of the house we stayed in from the pool.

Hello my little pretties! Did you miss me as much as I missed you??? Well don't get your hopes up that this is going to be anything wildly exciting. Bit tired after a fabulous 'Hey We Just Got Back Into Parma From Holidays Let's Get It On' session with Plan B.

Also at the house

This is just a warm up of fabulous pics and stories of hilarity sans sobriety that will follow over the next few posts. It was a wonderful week, kicking off Chianti style then onto Rome, Pisa and Lucca!

This is the vineyard right where we stayed in Chianti. Not the greatest day skywise, but I kid you not, the scenery was nothing short of amazing!

WARNING: Food Porn Following!!!!

Here we see zucchini flowers.

Here we see zucchini flowers being cooked after being battered very lightly.

Here we see BBQ'd fishcakes with the finished zucchini flowers. I urge each and every oe of you to get some zucchini flowers!! Divine!

Here we see Goran with the fish ready to be BBQ'd and Cherry acting the fool as usual.The sunset was beautiful that night too. I took pics so will put some on another time.

Here we see fruit salad. Delighfully refreshing and completely delicious just like everything else we ate that night! Yum!

Pretty boring post, but as sure as a cock rises first thing in the morning the next one will be better!!

Peace out!

Cherry Goes To Rome

2006-08-17T17:53:00.000+02:00

A bit like Gidget going to Rome but this time it's Cherry.

Finally leaving Tuscany tomorrow after many a day stuffing around trying to find accomodation blah blah blah. I should have just slept in the Vatican, but whatever have found a place and will report back on the entire week, including some of the fabulous pictures I've taken, upon my return to Parmagedon.

Oh, and guess who's been trying to call me today?!?!?!?! Jimmi! The one who went for a quick shag or whatever whilst I was a the disco. hahahaha! May have to meet up with him again when I get back just the blog!! hahahaha!

Ciao peeps!
Anyone needs me I'll be in Rome strutting my stuff.

Yo....'sup?!?!?!?!!

2006-08-12T16:10:00.000+02:00

Hiya my little cherubs aaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllll the way from Chainti!! So excited I could possibly be doing high kicks and throwing my neck and back out! Or maybe I'm just drunk............again!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (that's a trhrow your head back and roar like there's no tomorrow laugh. That's pretty much my everyday laugh in actual fact)

So anyway peeps, had heaps of pics to post BUT (there's always a but) it would take me one million years to post them now. They're just of The 'Ganza (my town) 'n' stuff. Unfortunately for now all you get is a whole pile of my crap. Sorry guys!

Allora.......Jimmi = gone........too jealous. Ha! Didn't even believe that I'd taken my shoes to get repaired alone. Then took a gal to his car whilst I was on the discoteque dance floor, fucked her and proceeded to lie to me about it. I don't give a fuck what you do because I'm not your mother, but please do not assume that I have the intelligence of a freaking gnat and piss on my leg and then tell me it's raining. Not cool, man, not cool. Also do not stop the car after two minutes of driving to volunteer the info that you weren't with another gal, tell me you love me and then ask me how I feel. Oh yes peeps it was pretty to watch!! He told me he loved me (ha! fucking ha!) then said 'you?' I actually laughed his face, not caring about the crotch size int he slightest. The next day he called me twice. On the latter call he asked if we should see each other that night. Once again, laughed and said 'Nooooo! Nooooo! Nooooo!' as if it was the most ridiculous notion ever to have crossed my mind. Haven't seen that assface since. Thank fucking Cock for that! (Cock being my God, BTW)

After that I sms'd 'just friends' Davide. I'm soooooooo off him I had to terminate the friendship. Imagine having to break up with a 'friend'. Let me tell you the way it all happened. We went out for a beverage, then a couple of nights after that we went for pizza (been congested ever since FYI, my stomach can't handle these complex carbohydrates) and he told me in the car on the way there that AND I QUOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'It's difficult to be friends with you. I like you. You're nice and I always have a good time with you. But I like you. But I'm really trying to just be friends with you'............HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mother fucker!!!

Jesus fucking christ mofo, don't strain yourself on account of moi! I digested that info over the next day and then analysed it with Pam. No disecting needed to be had, for it was clear and concicse: He wants to fuck me therefore the whole alleged 'friendship' is based on a lie. I mean if you really must try to be friends with someone, then surely it's not really worth it. I'm not saying that friendships are as easy as wrapping your laughing gear around a large throbbing member being thrust in your face, but what I am saying is that if it's a fucking struggle to keep yo bad self from barring up in my presence, then perhaps it's better to re assess the non existent relationship......Is it not?!?!?!?! After the consultation with mi amica Pam we decided it was best to send him an sms calling it quits. It went down like a cup of cold sick, but I didn't respond and I haven't heard from him since. Hoorah!! So happy about that because I fear he was becoming obssessed. I'm not even fucking joking. Got a translation program for his computer etc just so he could translate exactly what he was on about and all this other crap. Oh yeah, and sending me sms's telling me that I get more and more beautiful every time he sees me. Nigga puhlease!!!!! I'm on the verge of vomitglia!!!!!!!!!

So he's gone, much to my delight and now I just have so many fucking wonderful things on the horizon that I literally need to pinch myself to realize that I'm still alive and haven't died and gone to heaven. My life is soooooooooooooooooooo fabulous (with interims of fucked stuff, but hey.....) that I'm 100% loving myself sick right now and can pretty much guarantee that I'll still be loving myself sick in a few months time. I think it's because I'm In Love and can't get a Certain Someone out of my head.

Of course the romance of Chainti doesn't help the love sickness at all. I feel like I'm in the movie 'Stealing Beauty' which is prob my fave movie, like evah!, and it has been a dream of mine to spend time in Tuscany just chilling like in that movie. Ti amo mi amore.

Tomorrow we're going on a wine tour, tonight it's a bbq with the Swedes. Wind's blowing like a mother fucking gale. Not my type of blowing. though..............

Ciao peeps!

2006-08-11T12:23:00.000+02:00

Just in case you have forgotten what I look like and wanted proof I'm not dead here I am! I shall post again this evening with the week in review!

MWAH!

Florence: City of Cocks

2006-08-04T10:37:00.000+02:00

Slutty (it's actually one of my nicknames, a story for another time)

Here is a word I learnt quite quickly when I was in Denmark, argueably the most boring place on this earth (that could be because I'm not really into blonds but I do tend to assess on a girth by girth basis so I don't think it really was the excessive amounts of blonds getting around). It actually means 'sale' or something like that but I prefer it to mean a spirt (spurt) of sluttiness, although I don't think that gal in the pic looks like a slut. Having said that with a smile like that it looks as if she's just spotted her prey and is about to release her inner whore.

A beautiful view of Florence taken whilst on the three hour short cut to god knows where. Post wanker.

I'm spoiling you rotten, yet again, my pretties. I have dug into the archives and dragged out some pics of the first time I was in Florence in December. Ah yes! I remember it like it was yesterday! I took a wrong turn after lunch, strolling through some streets minding my own business when a punter obviously admired The Cherry. So much so, viewers, that he actually took the time to get off his Vesper and then actually proceed to get off, by way of masturbation right there on the pavement. Now this happened to me reguarly when I lived in Japan at the ripe old age of 17, but in Japan I would literally laugh in their faces. Something they were not accustomed to and I'm pretty sure they would have consequently lost their erection. I must be getting boring as time goes on because I didn't have time for this wanker of the Florence variety. Not even to laugh in his face for old times sake. I simply sighed and waited for a car to come along and scare the freak show off. I mean really what was he hoping to achieve? I'm all for GYCO (Getting Your Cocks Out) but this was too much too take on a full stomach.

A piazza full of cock

As you can see in the above photo (well not exactly clearly) there's many a cock flashing statue in Florence. It really is my kind of city. I did waste alot of time that day though, with the wrong turn which took me circa three hours to get back to the train station which was pretty cool actually because there were lots of fabulous houses to look at. I also a great looking roof. Yes roof, for some reason I have a thing for rooves. Anyway, so away I went in the direction of said roof searching all over the place and then I finally found it. Turned out to be a Jewish synogogue. Not exactly the slice of Italian culture I was after, nor was the al fresco masturbator for that matter. One slice of Florence I did fall in love with was the Statue of David. Be still my beating heart, that is one amazing sculpture! WOW! And I'm not just saying it because his cock out for all to admire. Hell no. I could stand there and admire that piece of art for hours......*sigh*

Taken from Ponte Vecchio. It took some intestinal fortitude not to throw myself off the bridge or go on a rampage due to the sickeningly high levels of PDA (Public Displays of Affection) going on around me.

My walk down memory lane is now complete as far as Florence is concerned and now I urge you to come back to the present. Back to the Slutspurt I'm going through. Well, that's not exactly true because I have only frolicked with one of them. So last night I went out with the guy that accosted me on Tuesday night. He was supposed to pick me up at 6.30pm and called at that time and said he was leaving his house. I liked this. It gave me 20minutes to just stand there and stare at myself in the mirror and have my critical eye assess my hair. I was having a perfect hair day, which is damn near impossible for me, but it was all ruined by the humidity and the rain. Well I had an umbrella but as soon as a slight bit of moisture gets anywhere near one strand it's all over! We went for dinner. Lots of food, way too much, but it was delicious seafood. Jimmi (strange name for an Ital, methinks) After that we went to a few places for a drink.

This is a copy of the Statue of David. You can't take photos of the real one. Bummer.

One of the places we went to was XXL (which BTW did I mention was quite fitting given Jimmi's crotch is definitely on the XXL side of life! I could hardly drag my eyes away from it and found it difficult to be discreet!!!). This is the place we drank 5000 drinks at during the World Cup. Anyway, I was going to the bathroom and a guy says to me 'Your the Australian!' I immediately thought 'Thank fuck I'm getting the hell out of here! This town is shrinking on me!' hahaha! Turns out it was none other than Red Card Elvis!!!! Hahaha!! Can you believe that shit?!?! He was quite nice actually and wants to do something on Sunday. I said yes, but may cancel. I'm yet to decide. He still crapped on about me being in Milano. I have no idea where he initially got that idea from. I know I told him I was in Milano when he asked but that was just to get rid of him. Then on the way back fromthe bathroom I heard some fans calling my name. Turns out it was 'just friends' Davide and co chowing down on some tucker. I said hello, gave them my autograph and then went back to Jimmi.

I just like this building for some reason.

So Jimmi is actually a really, really cool guy. Very chilled, not out to prove anything. Speaks not a word of English and talks as though I can understand every word he says in Italian (ie normal velocity and words he would use when speaking to native Ital). He wants to go to Forte Dei Marmi tonight to a disco and then to the beach tomorrow. I think I'll cancel Plan B which will be a booty call scenario anyway. I'd rather go dancing in a new locale with Jimmi and his sizeable crotch.

I'd now like to take the opportunity to wish everyone a fantastic cock filled weekend!

Over and out!

Love & kisses cherubs!

Cher xxx

The week.

2006-08-03T14:50:00.000+02:00

I got this off the Post Secret site. It struck a chord with me. I cannot stand it when chicks (some guys do it too) start talking like a pre teething child to their partner. Or even when they make their voices go up an octave or two. An ex friend of mine used to break out into this fucked up baby talk calling her partner 'lamb-o' or 'lamby'. I wanted to reach in and tear out her voice box every time I heard this shit. I'm thinking of going into politics to make this illegal and then have repeat offenders' voice boxes surgically removed, for they should not have the power of speech! Hahaha! Yeah, it's laughable, but mark my words! I'll do it!!!!!!!

Flower in the Dolomites

Well this week, thus far, has been lovely filled with afternoon naps and a date with a different man every night. When your friends are out of town what else is there to do? On Tuesday night I went with Gaetano to the festa in Fornovo. I was ready for a huge dance off but the music was crap. I don't know what the 'dj' (term used very loosely) was trying to prove, but if he was trying to prove what sort tracks do not a good dance off make then he really was going the right way about it. There were lots of hot peeps out and about. The perving was good and the actual festa itself was pretty bloody big and they had fireworks etc. When we were leaving a handsome stranger accosted me and gave me his number. Who was I to argue? We're going out tonight. hahahaha!

Dolomites

Last night I went out with 'just friends' Davide. Surprisingly, there was no need for commando rolls into bushes or driving into far away lands to avoid his girlfriend. Weird. She must be out of town or something, because we went right into the centre and then went for a drink afterwards and we even went to Dada to see if we could go dancing. Unfortunately it wasn't open. It will be tonight and if the weather clears up we'll probably go tonight. He didn't try to jump me which was marvellous and it really would appear as if we are 'just friends'. On Sunday we're going somewhere but I don't know where. I told him to figure that part out. Delegatation is my forte.

Before the festa, Tuesday night

So tonight, I'm off with the new guy. I don't know what we are doing or where we are going, but he is picking me up at 6.30pm. Hello? Are we school children? What about 8? 8.30 even? the inital plan with Davide last night was that he'd pick me up at 9.15pm. That's not what I really consider dinner time, more a midnight snack. Anyway, I plan accordingly. Nap after work and then leave approximately 1.5hours to get ready. Just when the beautification process was about to get into full swing I received and sms from him saying would it be okay to pick me up at 8.45? Obviously, he was having a moment of temporary insanity so I told him no it would not be alright. He said 'what about 9.10?' What fucking difference does 5 minutes make? So he got here at 9.10 and I let him wait for 10. *insert Evil World Domination laugh* He had to call the restaurant to tell them we'd be late. hahaha! So the point I'm trying to make here is that isn't there a happy medium here? Like, one guy wants 6.30 (actually he wanted 6 but I told him 6.30) and the other wants 9.15. Here's a question: What about what I want?!?!?!?!?! hahahaha!

After. Of course I tried to make this as hideous as possible. Tragic (pronounced 'tres chic')

Tomorrow night I was supposed to be going out with Gaetano and co dancing again. I've had to reschedule to Saturday night due to arrangements now made with Plan B. He should be looking hot to trot given he's just had his wisdom teeth taken out. Says his face looks like a ball. Should be interesting! Not really the type of ball I'm after though..........

This week The Cherry on Top goes to CHERRY!!!!!!

2006-08-01T16:14:00.000+02:00

Today I have decided to post random pics. All taken quite recently.

The Cherry On Top

Hey, I bet you didn't believe moi when I told you that I looked like a dog's breakfast when I got back from the discoteque on Saturday night. Well here's the evidence. So atrocious did I look that I decided I needed a photograph. Look at the damn hair! It's a hideous sight! Can you imagine me prancing around at the discoteque thinking I was some sort of catwalk model when in actual fact I looked like this! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I could die from laughing!!!

Nice beaver. Or not?

Here's what may or may not be a stuffed beaver. hehehehe! Although I can't be too sure having never seen a beaver before. I did see this type of creature in the Dolomites the day before I took this pic at a souvenir shop. A real live one! It was sniffing the air like someone had let one rip and I wondered what it was. So when I saw this stuffed version I thought I'd better take a pic, post it on the blog and see who knows what the hell it is. I really hope it's a beaver because that would be juvenille-ishly hilarious.

Food porn with girth

This is the strudel I bought My Boys when I was in the Dolomites. Namely, the group that I taught at a nearby business. It was just to say 'I still love you all eventhough I don't teach you anymore'. Apparently, it's a speciality of the area. Look at the girth on it!

Food porn, handpicked by The Cherry

Here's some freshly picked goodies out of the garden. Let me tell you viewers, what a taste sensation! Nothing like eating food freshly picked out of the garden! Yummy!

More food porn, made by The Cherry.

Here's my dinner from last night. Octopus salad. Unfortunately, it was missing the mint I usually put in there. The usual suspects were present, however. Octopus, obviously, in all it's glory. Rocket (an ingredient spelt incorrectly right throughout a menu in Florence as 'racket'), lettuce (not sure what type), fetta and a dressing of red wine vinegar (I think balsamic would prolly be better), lemon juice and olive oil. Sprinkle with pepper and drown the mother of a dish in salt as I usually do, but not too much so that you spoil the taste of the dish, which I do regularly. Man that pisses me off when I do that! I get a tad carried away in my quest for hardened arteries by way over indulgence in salt.

Ya wanna piece????? Huh? Do ya???

What can I say? This one is one HAWT pic. Just hanging at Allie's place on the weekend and I had to take out the garbage. We both dared me to walk down the street to the big garbage bin and see what would happen (bear in mind she lives next door to a bar that the mafia frequent, no shit). Want to look as HAWT as me? It's quite simple to achieve this look. Take a pair of your ex boyfriend's thread bare boxers. For the best effect it's best that you can almost see your ass crack through the worn / practically falling apart fabric and a make sure there's a button at the front that constantly pops open, peek-a-boo style. Then take a fifty million year old, shrunk in the wash singlet and go sans bra so you can see your nipples through the top. Leave your hair as in the first picture of this post, team it all with a pair of very high heels and a pair of Christian Dior sunglasses and voila! Your look is complete!

Now peeps, there's some sort festa happening in Fornovo tonight with a bit of outdoor dancing. The Cherry is so there! I'll take a photo upon my return to casa mia (my house for all of you more Italian imparied than me) and we shall compare which look is the most feral.

Also the thing that I was freaking out about yesterday went oh so very, very well!! *squeal*. And The Break Dancer keeps sms'ing and calling me off the fucking hook. Get a clue asswipe! Not interested!!

See you on the dance floor, suckers!

Ho'ing around, embracing the cock.

2006-07-31T11:34:00.000+02:00

This is the hike I went on the second day I was in the Dolomites

Okay so here are some pics. I tried to put more up but that old Blogger insisted on doing what it does best. Namely anally probing Yours Truly. Never mind. Something's better than nothing..... See the captions beneath for the goings on of last weekend. Although I will say that when I went to the Dolomites I had hoped to get away from the sound of power tools. No such luck! Woke up to a lawn mower and renovations being done in the freaking apartment below. And the renovations on the house next door continue here in The Ganza too. Where's the serenity? I ask you! Anyway, keep reading this rest of this garb for all the juicy goss of The Cherry.

If I see another pair of these nordic walking sticks I may shove them up their owner's ass. I even saw one hiker walking as though the bottom of the sticks were tied to her shoelaces. She wasn't walking naturally. She was walking like right arm, right leg together then left arm, left leg. I had to start running to pass her, she was irritating the shit out of me that badly.

On Thursday I sent out an email to selected fans of mine letting them know I'm going back to Australia. Plan B was amoung The Chosen Ones and emailed me back. I wrote a lengthy response and whenI pressed send the computer shat itself. You can imagine my delight, no doubt. I surrendered and just sent him an sms saying that I had replied but that the computer died (I wasn't sure if he knew the past tense of shit so I kept it at died). He replied with an sms saying 'Are you free tonight?' At the time I receieved the sms I was in a serious situation (well as serious as my life could really ever get) and I could hardly keep from squealing like a school girl. It was then arranged that we'd meet later on Via Farini. Allie and I went to meet him and I didn't think it was game on at all, but Allie said from the start she knew it was. During our analysis (afterwards, of course) of the scenario she said he was touching moi at any given opportunity. I wasn't complaining. After going back to Allie's for bit, Plan B and I decided yet another frolick was on the cards. And it looks like there'll be a bit more frolicking to be had too. I have discovered that the best way to get an Ital into bed is to utter the magic words 'I'm leaving in a month'. Works a treat! If only I'd have known this months ago!

Just a beautiful shot!

Davide (the drama queen) has also decided 'he really values our friendship and that he really exaggerated the situation between us' and asked me out to dinner sometime this week. We ended up meeting his posse on Via Farini on Fuck Around Friday. Just as we arrived there we saw Marcello and he quickly came up and headed us off at the pass, muttering that Davide's girlfriend was there in between kiss hello's. Davide acting 'natural' follwed it up with kiss hello's of his own and a serious look that said 'You understand what's happening?'. He sms'd when the girldfriend left and it was safe to approach. The stupid thing is though, if we're 'just friends' why can't we meet his girlfriend. Fucker. So then we all went dancing at Dada.

I'm really annoyed that the part of the roof is in this shot. I did take two more of the same church though. Phew!

As soon as we got to Dada a sexy blond man from another night we went out appeared. We actually all went out together and I remember commenting on how hot he was without realising I was actually saying it to his girlfriend. Whoops! Never mind. So, let's call him 'X' because I don't know his name and that's what I've had to put his number in my phone as. I don't care if I never end up knowing his name, he's just so fucking sexy. He took me for a walk as he was leaving to exchange numbers. Yipee! But then when I got back Davide started asking me where I went. What is this 'friend'? The bloody Spanish Inquisition? Let it be known that I did not even kiss Davide on Friday night in true 'just friends' fashion. During the analysis of that situation Allie decided that he wasn't as hot as she first thought and was rather leprachaun-ish. It's true, he is and that's why I didn't want to go there. He is a nice guy though and continues to sms me each and every day the way 'just friends' do.

Italia! Italia!

Saturday was rather trying. We laid around the house willing the masses to sms us. Psychologically preparing ourselves for the bombardment that never actually happened. Well that in between analysing situations. In the end I ended up smsing the boys we met at Soe and Lucio's BBQ a few weeks ago. They were hitting up a 'discopub' (a term I loathe) in the neighbouring mountains, so we went with them. It was a blast. Alot less pretentious than Dada and the average age was about 12, nevertheless it was tops and the peeps older than 12 were hot!

This is the typical style of the houses, hotels and apartments up there in the mountains. Tres Swiss chalet, sweeties!

At first I couldn't get my groove on. Even when Shakira came on I couldn't get the moves happening. I retreated to the bathroom to regroup and when I stepped back on the dance floor I had my groove back and ho'd my booty with any hot guy on the dance floor acting like I was the bees knees. In fact, I couldn't have been further from the bees knees if I tried. Despite being in the mountains and alot cooler than Parma, I was sweating like the proverbial and my hair had totally gone frizzy / curly and I generally looked like death warmed up. We stayed until the end and just as we were about to start the engine to the car, a fellow reveller The Break Dancer, opened the car door and thrust (no, not his large throbbing member) his phone number into my hand. No name, however so he went into the phone as 'Y'.

This is the hike I went on the first day. Spectacular!

The Break Dancer and I went out last night and I had tee'd up with Plan B to go for another frolick if he didn't get back too late from Forte Dei Marmi. Alas! He got back too late (postponed until tonight) and I was still in the centre with The Break Dancer, so NGS (No Go Scenario) there. At the same time that I receieved the sms from Plan B, Davide sms'd asking me what i was doing and that he was also coming into the centre. Abort mission! Worlds colliding! Eventhough we're 'just friends' The Break Dancer was laying it on a bit thick romance wise and frankly, I didn't want any of the fellow punters subjected to his dating prowess, let alone Davide. The Break Dancer wants to take me to Rimini next weekend. The beach and awesome discoteques is going to make it pretty hard to turn down. So I'll have to think about it because he kind of pissed me off last night. But since I don't want to keep you another 5 million hours reading this, I'll leave it.

A little church from the first hike I went on. Weird though because I didn't see a bottle of wine or a cock there. What are you supposed to be worshipping exactly?

Today I'm excited / nervous / having a freak out. But I can't tell you why!! *insert Evil World Domination laugh here and maybe a goat named Satan for morbid*

Later dudes! (See how out of sorts I am? I'm saying ridiculous things like 'later dudes')

Cher xxxx

BTW Just want to apologise to all of my blog pals for not being my usual Blog Whoring self. I'll be around very soon!! Love youse all!

Oh the excitement! Oh the exhileration! Oh the anticipation!

2006-07-27T17:32:00.000+02:00

Well, I know I promised pics and stories from the weekend. Good things come to those that wait, as they say, so just hang in there a bit longer. Okay my little buttercups??

Everything's coming together nicely. Like I mean, I'm as happy as a pig in shit right now! Hoorah!! I haven't booked my flight home as yet, but I'm still checking out things for the good ole' London - NYC - Sydney route home. There are so many things I'm looking forward to! I'll be leaving at the beginning of September which means I'll be backin time for my friend's 40th, my 30th and my friend's 30th. As well as this I'llbe able to catch a few games of the Rugby League. I think my team will be in the grand final and that the Doggies are going to kick some ass! I also hope I haven't just jinxed the darlings!! Not to mention making it back to see another round of the MotoGP at Phillip Island with my fellow MotoGP Mole, Stacey! Yeehaa!

The weather will be getting warmer as the weather gets colder here. And I love a bit of fun in the sun with my gal pals: The Wench and The Little Goer! Showtime peeps, Showtime!

The best thing about it is I don't have to hang around for too much time!! I'm not one for hanging around after a decision has been made. I like to strike while the iron's hot, in more ways than one! *wink wink nudge nudge* For one week in August I'll be having a couple of International Guests, Lee and his lovely wife Jocelyn from Australia and we'll be going around doing who knows what at this stage. Needless to say it will be fun, even if the million degree heat gets a bit too much at times.

Celebrate good times, come on!

That's all for now peeps. Keep on feeling the realness, as am I!

Stay tuned. there may be pics tomorrow..........

A decision????? Maybe.........

2006-07-26T13:01:00.000+02:00

Well, I had pictures here and stories of my weekend, but what do you know? One slip of the finger and it all vanishes! If I didn't have bigger fish to fry I'd actually care. But no I just sit here typing and laughing like that of a crazed woman with no direction in life.

I'll post about the weekend tomorrow with pictures etc because I can't be bothered with trying to re do it all over again now.

But I have made a decision. Well, for now anyway. This mind of mine is currently unstable and I change my mind on a moment to moment basis. For now, I've decided to go back to the Land Down Under. I feel like I want my peeps around me. I'll stay there for about a year, make some decent money, save and then get the working holiday visa for Canada and live close to the border of the grand ole US of A. I did want to move to America, but it's a bit of a bitch to get into without working illegally etc. This way with Canada, no mess, no fuss and I can do work that I want to do. I hope anyway!! hahaha! I have put the feelers out there though and I'm still gathering info.

I was planning on staying an extra year here, but I just feel like I'm wasting my time and money too because in December I have to go back to Aus to change my visa over and then fly back. Pain in the ass and alot of money if I don't really want to be here.

Thoughts fellow bloggers? All opinions and advice will be appreciated. And I don't want you all to say 'If you feel it's the right thing to do......' No! No! No! hahaha. Thanks in advance.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-25T14:03:00.000+02:00

Hi peeps.

Had a good weekend. Actually it was fucking awesome, but that's for another time. Right now I'm trying to make some big decisions. I am torn. And pretty much the only word I'm capable of using right now is FUCK!!

So many options, so many decisions. What to do when the world is literally your oyster??? Retreat? Endure? Venture?

Retreat involves danger. The danger of complacency.
Endure involves wasting time. And I ain't getting any younger.
Venture involves risk. ALOT of risk. Risks I want to take. Ultimately I will venture, it's just a matter of when and how.

I know what the ultimate goal is, but it's just a matter of trying to decide how to get there......... And me being the most indecisive person ever to roam this earth can't figure it out. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! At this point in time The Cherry feels as though she is bent at the waist and copping it up the anus royally.

Dear Powers That Be, please give me some sort of guidance! The mental anguish is fucking killing moi! I feel sick. Like I'm going to throw up from all this shit. And now I'm shaking. Whoa! Greetings anxiety attack!

I leave you with this food for thought. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck to Our Boy!

2006-07-21T11:52:00.000+02:00

The Doctor aka Our Boy

I wasn't going to post today but then I thought with the MotoGP race on this weekend I'd better wish Our Boy the very best of luck! I can't wait to see it! Having said that I need each and every one of you, my precious readers, to say a little prayer for The Cherry so that I make it back on time from the mountains on Sunday night! If there's traffic I may not make it. Jin perhaps you could perform some kind of traffic spell for me. Just so we get a clear run all the way through back to the land of the Parmajites. I wasn't going to risk it, but I've decided to go anyway.

Backstage at the MotoGP. I HEART THE DOCTOR!

So I'm back off to the Dolomites this afternoon. I can't wait to see what it's like there in summer. It's supposed to be quite the spectacle. Nice and lush and green! In the mornings I'll take walks and be alone with my thoughts and in the afternoon I'm nuding up and hanging at that spa again! Damn that was good last time! Maybe this time I'll sneak the camera in and take some cock shots, all in the name of the blog! However, if memory serves me there weren't any decent guys there last time...... Maybe I'll give that a miss.

Here's hoping John Hopkins gets on the podium this race!! GO JOHN GO!!

Another reason for going to the mountains is to escape the constant drone of fucking tools and the sight of saggy bitch tits on one of the men using the tools. They all topless and, let me tell you: It's no oil painting!! String beans and saggy bitch tits (much bigger than mine) are tough to take first thing in the morning. At any time of the day actually.

Moi at the beach in my Vale hat

There'll be no untoward beahviour from me this weekend. I'll be keeping it all on the down low this weekend because I'm heading off with The Clan. So I expect everyone else to make up for my lack of lewd conduct by upping the level of you lewd conduct. Do it for Cherry!

Have a fabulous weekend, cherubs!

Kisses!

FORZA IL DOTTORE!!!

Another Piece of The Cherry

2006-07-20T13:34:00.000+02:00

Well, dear readers! What a surprise I have in store for you today! For I have decided to shun all talk of Italia (shock! horror!) and turn my attentions to The Land Down Under. The Kid got me thinking about my parents' house and the lovely setting that it is, so I thought I'd share with you all. They live on 19 acres about an hour and a freaking half from Sydney. Peaceful setting just a fucking long way from The Big Smoke. Hence, when I lived in The Big Smoke it was on rare occasions that I visited them. Tsk! Tsk! What a naughty little daughter I am! But then approximately eight months before I made the decision to spread my wings, by way of an aeroplane, and haul ass overseas, I returned to the nest......Here are some pics of the said nest.

This is the back of the house, which is really kind of the front. Confused? Me too!

This is the front of the house that looks over the Hawkesbury River

A story I remember from when we were moving in there goes a little something like this: My parents let us choose our own colour schemes for our bedrooms after they built it. I went for a kahki (sp?) bicuit kind of colour for the walls with weird shade of (nice!) purple for the cornices (okay sounds kind of feral but really it's not). My parents said that it would look hideous. I just said 'Let's just give it a good old Aussie go, you little Aussie battlers!' and they let me. It's not like I was painting it black and red, for crying out loud! So we painted my room the colours I wanted and lo and behold every single person that came to see the house (you know how peeps have every man and their dog coming around 'to see the new place!' said roughly two octaves higher than that of their normal voice?) commented on the great colour shceme of MY room. HAHAHAHA! I think it's safe to assume that two people, who remain shall remain nameless, namely my parents (I know it doesn't make sense but I didn't name them did I??) were well and truly laughing on the other side of their faces!! (I've never really understood that saying, but it always makes me chuckle. If anyone would care to explain it to moi I'll be very thankful).

Now to the view. I think you'll enjoy this *drum roll please*

This is taken from the same place that I took the second pic of the actual house from. Nice flowers and wildlife and shit. The property goes right down to the river.

Remember the steps from the second pic? Well that railing in the foreground is the same railing. This is the view you would get if you were kicking back, shooting the breeze with your peeps, having a BBQ, morning coffee, five million bottles of wine and so on and so forth.

There's also a big old bath in the bathroom down that end of the house. You know the ones with the legs? Really old skool stuff. Anyway, there's one of those there with a big window, so you can just kick back, relax and enjoy the view all while hoping like hell no one walks past! hahaha! Well the nearest neighbour is 2kms down the road so chances of that happening are non existent.

Stumpy the Sulphur Crested Cockatoo

Here is a regular visitor to the house along with many other varities of birds, but this one here is the most brazen because he always comes up to the house if Dad hasn't been down to fill up the seed trays (see that white stand there in the background? that's one of them). You can see why Dad named Stumpy because one of his feet is just a stump. He must have been attacked or something. I put these pics in of Stumpy the Cockatoo, not only because he's so gorgeous, but it was also the only way I could manage to get the word 'cock' into the post. Not just a pretty face, am I? hahahaha! There's also a couple of wallabies that hang out in the yard but that's usually at night.

Clearly Stumpy was not happy with the angle I got him at just moments prior and opted for another more sophisticated angle.

Onto the dawgs!! Oh how I love these dogs! Lily, Poppy and Sonny Bill. Clearly, Sonny Bill is mine and clearly it is the tough Alpha Male of this pack of wild beasts! They're toy poodles. They stay in the living room area when everyone goes out, but one day they broke into the next room and ripped the living shit out of some coasters and other things in there! It was hilarious. You just can't get angry with them!

Lily, Poppy & Sonny Bill (not in that order)

They've now got a cousin, Jazzy. My bro and his wife bought a miniature one not so long ago. When they go to get their hair cut they come back with diamontes and bows and other cute little things. Not Sonny Bill though. He's way too butch for that sort of thing! hahaha! Mum, Dad and I took them all to puppy pre school when we first got them to try and regain control of The Castle, but they weren't the best of students. They didn't really listen and, to be honest, we didn't really make them. They're too spoilt.

The tough Sonny Bill

Here we see Sonny Bill with a bone in his mouth. Like me, this is when he is at his happiest.

THE END

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Just to get you up to speed.

2006-07-19T10:26:00.000+02:00

Angelo & Giuseppe: The Cherries On Top

I'll quickly give the low down on these two handsome boys from Napoli. Actually, Giuseppe is definitely the more do-able one of the two. When Angelo (is that right Stacey?) took off his glasses he wasn't all that. Anyway, when we were walking back to catch the bus after the MotoGP many a moon ago these two boys stopped and offered us a lift. Who was I to say no? After all I was sick of walking and they were pretty hot. So they drove us a way took pics of us and I (obviously) took a couple of them because I wanted a memoir of just how hot Giussepe was. When they dropped us off they insisted on getting a group pic of us all and asked a stranger to take the pic. So there was the group shot and then Angelo decided he wanted one of just the two of us. So for the shot he saw it fit to stand behind me and rub his erection in between my buttocks. I was having none of it (eventhough I thought it was quite hilarious!!) , but silently wished it was Giussepe. Anyway, I give this week's Cherry On Top to these two lads. Angelo's only included for trying it on The Cherry and failing miserably. Thanks for the lift and for the cock rub!

Sardinia: Ain't it purdy!?!?!

Onto more pressing issues such as the Italian boys. Basically, as you probably got from the last post I'm totally off Lack of Dignity Davide. Without getting into to each and every sms to and fro, let's just say he's a fucking drama queen! He sent me an sms saying he was 'confused' and he just wanted a simple answer as to what was going on because he felt something had changed. Duh! I just wrote back that I just wanted to be friends and that in the end it would me be the one getting hurt because he had a girlfriend. Then he crapped on about how he knew I had said that, but he still kissed me, and that I have no reason to feel guilty and that I'm a fantastic girl blah blah blah. No shit I don't have any reason to feel guilty!! Fuck you! Oh yeah he also added a very dramatic 'Goobye Australian Beauty' to which I replied that I wasn't suprised that he said 'goodbye' because this was typical behaviour once a girl said she just wanted to be friends. He can go and get fucked as far as I'm concerned. Jerk off. Like as if we can't just be friends and hang out. But no, he has to go and be all dramatic. So I'm hoping they don't rock up to the bar on Friday night for the party because I'll be pissed if he dares. But since he has stalking tendencies it wouldn't surprise me, because Marcello told Allie he'd see us on Friday night. We shall see.

Forte Dei Marmi: A view of the moutains

I was supposed to go out with Dennis last night. I was having one of those days where you wake up, eat something and then just cannot keep your eyes open. So I was forced to sleep practically the whole day!! And then since I wasn't teaching at all last night I just wanted to hang alone and not have to drive into Parma and then have to converse with someone in Italian that I'm not really interested in. So, being the bitch that I am, I cancelled even after having arranged to meet etc. Then being even more of a bitch I didn't answer the phone when he called. Well that mainly comes down to hating speaking on the telephone most of the time and in Italian no less. And this guy talks very fast so it's kinda hard to understand what the hell he's crapping on about. So I said we'd change it to tonight, but I think I'm just going to cancel altogether. I'm just not interested. I think it's because he's too much of a pushover. I don't really know.... Fuck psycho analysing it, though, if I don't like him then there's no point in wasting my time or his. He wants a relationship (a rare Ital that does!). I don't with him. So I guess there's no point in leading the guy on.

Here is a pic of the top my boob fell out of. I had a body double take this shot for me. In reality, my boobs are, like, soooo much bigger than this and I don't have a double chin. Does that sound convincing???

So onto Plan B. Allie has asked the question if I could go there again with Plan B on a casual basis. I'm not so sure. I haven't bothered to call him, sms or anything because I don't want to come across as some sort of Fatal Attraction Freak. If he wants to go for Round 2 then he'll have to initiate it because I can't bothered. Last night, however, I received an sms from him which I thought was really sweet. At the end he wrote 'A great kiss', which is unusual for him because he never writes anything like that. It was just general chit chat about the MotoGP so we'll see if he attempts to tee anything up for this weekend. Like I said though, I'm not going to be pursuing anything. Can't be bothered.

And lastly, a warning to those mofo's with power tools fucking around at 7 in the morning outside of my window: If it happens again I'll come and stick the freaking things up your ass and maybe even whatever it is your working on too. No lube! All I ask is for a bit of peace and quiet when I'm trying to sleep and now that it's 11.15 they have stopped......

How to Win Friends & Influence People (according to The Cherry)

2006-07-17T14:15:00.000+02:00

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend and got your cocks out or at least had access to a cock (or several cocks) to get out!

Friday night saw us dolling ourselves up to rock out at the school party. First of all, we met at the bar across the road, where we were met by Davide, Marcello and a bit later by Max. Interesting scenario when Davide arrived. Last week when we met them there, Davide wouldn't come within a five kilometere radius of me because he has a girlfriend. Then this week he strolls up and kisses me on the lips. Wow! What a freaking difference one whole week can make huh?? Who knew?!

Anyway, I knew having Plan B and Davide there was a fatal mistake. Simply because I've had the hots for Plan B even when I was with Mr. W, hence the name Plan B. Andrea, Plan B and I hadn't seen each other for a while so we just hung out, drank, joked, flirted and I think I really only spoke to Davide once. Plan B and I didn't stay very long before leaving to go and frolick in a field until the wee hours of the morn.

Allie said Davide was asking where I was...Whoops! Note to self: Do not invite a date to a party and then leave without saying goodbye to go and frolick with another man.

The next day I really did not expect to hear from Davide after my little performance, but in fact, I did hear from him! I was quite astounded and said to Allie that perhaps he was lacking in the dignity department because he must've known I'd gone off with Plan B. So he sms'd saying he was sorry he left the party without saying goodbye but he couldn't find me. I wrote back that it wasn't a problem. And then he wrote back to me 'But where did you disappear to?' I thought it best just leave that one right alone and didn't respond.

It was a bit later at Soe & Lucio's awesome BBQ that I received more sms's from Davide. Somewhere in between eating delicious food, drinking wine, dancing on the terrace, playing limbo (I was the champion, BTW, despite wearing some kick ass heels) and general frivoility he asked what I was doing that night. I replied that I had eaten and that I was going dancing later, I didn't want to ask him to come along because I wasn't in the mood for the questions etc.

After the BBQ, Allie and I went to find Giorgi, but we couldn't actually locate the place she was at. The directions were so damn good though, so I'm so surprised that we didn't find it. Here's the directions we received:

- after McDonalds
then when asked for clairfication
- after McDonalds on the left
the next
- oh you have to go past the supermarket (which coincidentally was a fair way along)

and so these fabulous directions went on. I asked what the name of the road was but can you believe that no one knew?? Madness. All we could see were a couple of prostitutes waiting for business on the side of the road, so we went to Cortes Dei Sole instead which wasn't very interesting and we decided we probably should have just stayed at the BBQ.

Sunday was a great day for me with Our Boy, Valentino Rossi, coming up trumps in the MotoGP race! What an amazing rider! He started off at 11th and won! Go you good thing! I'm currently planning a weekend to the Czech Republic to see Our Boy in action once again! I'm obsessed! Thank you Stacey for introducing me to this awesome sport!!

After the MotoGP finished I got an sms from Davide. He was asking what I was doing. I said I had just watched The Doctor kick some ass on the track. He then responded with quite a scary sms saying that he had gone to DaDa hoping to find me there. STALKER!!! I said we went to the other place and nothing interesting went down. He responded by saying that DaDa was also not very interesting because I wasn't there. *puke* I just received another one from him asking if I'm free tonight. I don't even know why he's acting like this if he has a freaking girlfriend! Go and fucking harrass the living daylight out of her!!

In other news, I sms'd Mr. W on Saturday (naughty!) to ask if he wanted to watch the MotoGP with moi. Well, guess what? Surprise! Surprise! No response! I ran a few messages past Allie to send to him after still not receiving a response circa four hours later. Pick which one you think is the best:

-I take it that's a no then?
- Clearly, due to your lack of response, you've had both eyes gauged out and therefore no longer have the ability to 'watch' anything.
- Well assface? Is that a yes or a fucking no?

I thought they were all pretty good. hahaha.

I'm supposed to go out with Dennis tomorrow night. Why is it the ones we like aren't into us and the ones we aren't into are into us???? Or live in different country or are just always im-fucking-possible situations?!?!?! I ask you, oh I ask you!

No pics today. Sorry but Blogger had Anally Probing: The Millionth Installment in mind instead.

Midweek Dance Off and Dating

2006-07-14T14:06:00.000+02:00

On Wednesday night Giorgi and I hit the town for a spontaneous Hump Day dance off with even the possibility of a hump. We went to the discoteque and prayed to god that the outdoor dancing coupled with humidity didn't make our hair too frizzy. It really is touch and go at times and you never can tell when the frizz will set in. There wasn't too much talent around and we met up with Vito. After the dancing finished we went to Vito's and hung for a bit until his dickhead mate started saying shit to Vito about Giorgina like 'Get her out of here' etc, not knowing that she can speak fluent Ital. Loser! So we left and I got back to my place about 6.00 whereupon I did the unthinkable and *insert drumroll here* sms'd Mr. W before falling asleep.

I woke at about midday and, to my surprise, there was an sms from him. So there were a couple of sms's back and forth. Chitchat. Then I also started getting sms's from Davide asking me out. I said yes to him and we arranged to meet at 11pm. But then Mr. W started asking me what time I was finishing work. I answered 9.30pm. This instantly threw me into a spin almost resulting in a nervous breakdown. Questions running through my mind. If he asks me to do something should I cancel with Davide? Should I just pop over to his place in the window of time that I had available for a quickie? Should I decline?

Then another sms came through from Giorgi. She was with Matteo, who seems hellbent on whoring me out to one of his friends. Since I'm not at all interested in Giorgio another one of his friends, Dennis, (such an Ital name, huh?) was the next in line. Giorgi sent me an sms saying that I was going to meet Dennis for an hour and then I could go and meet Davide. A bit like speed dating. hahaha. So I agreed and then I felt a bit better because that way if Mr. W did ask me to do something that timeslot was now filled! Phew! I needn't have worried though because after I told him that I was finishing at 9.30 he didn't write back. hahaha. Prick. hahaha.

So Giorgi and I met Dennis and went for a drink. He was a really sweet guy and we're all going out for dinner one night next week. Should be fun. He dropped me back off at my car at precisely the time I was supposed to be at my house ready for Davide to pick me up. So I arranged to meet him in the carpark of the school, which was where Dennis was dropping me off. Worlds colliding. I didn't want one seeing the other. hahaha!

Davide and I ended up just going back to his house, which kinda made know exactly what he wanted. And it was exactly what I wasn't going to give him. He was like 'If you don't want to go to my house we can go somewhere else'. I said it was fine to go there, so we did. We drank wine and watched a movie and made out a bit. Running on only six hours sleep I decided it was time to go at 2.30am. Poor Davide had to get up only 2.5 hours after he got home. Whoops!

Tonight is the party night at the school. All the students are invited and Allie and I are taking Davide and his friends too. This morning I got an email from Plan B telling me he was coming. Damn! If I had've known I wouldn't have invited Davide.... Maybe anyway. The one thing I'm not looking forward to tonight is that Red Card Luca will be there. I ran into him on Sunday night. He was like 'Are you going to the party?' I said that I was and asked if he was going. And, indeed my friends, he is! I forewarned Natalia, who has also come before by asking for here phone number in the middle of the class. I said I was lucky because Davide would be there and I'd be hanging with him. She said she's just going to have to write herself off so as to appear very unattractive. Good plan! hahaha! I hope it turns out to be a fun night. If not we're hauling ass to Via Farini or possibly the discoteque.

That's about all I've got for the mo'. Oh except that for some fucking reason my hot water is not working. And eventhough it's a million degrees outside, the freshness of the water is taking my breath away. And this afternoon I have to wash my hair! So fucked. But such is life. I'll pretend I'm in Scandanavia (not Denmark though because that place is one massive yawnfest) and that I have just had a sauna or got out of the hot tub or something.....The power of the mind....

Before I forget I just have to say GOOD LUCK TO OUR BOY*, VALENTINO ROSSI!!! I so hope he wins this weekend!! I can't wait to watch! I'm so excited!! I know he can do it this week!
*Stacey & Cherry's Boy
FORZA VALE!!!
VIVA #46!!!

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!
Love youse! Love youse all!
Peace out!
GYCO: Get Your Cock Out

The Plot Thickens......

2006-07-12T09:25:00.000+02:00

The Cherry On Top today goes to this crotch rider I saw backstage at the MotoGP. Oh how I'd love to ride his crotch! He is HAWT!

I've got goss peeps. So listen up! It was all happening on Monday evening. Firstly, I was up at the school minding my own business (not entirely true because every person I saw gave me a bit of gossip from the previous night's festivities), when my phone honked a message. I love it when I get a message because I have it set on to a tone that is pretty much the same as the whistle peeps like to use when referring to sex and don't want to actually say the word. You know when they go 'So did you *insert whistle & eyebrow raise here*???'

A lovely little side of the road prayer thingo in Sardinia.

I digress. Where was I? So I received a meesage from Davide saying 'Are you free tomorrow night?' Interesting question Davide! Are you doing a survey? Did you send the same message to your girlfriend too??? I answered the way any of you would have** (** this statement not based on factual evidence). 'Yes from 9.30pm I am free'. Then he asked if I'd like to go out. I couldn't answer straight away because then I had a class to teach. Way to keep him hanging on!

Anyway, I was in the middle of class and Giorgio called to ask if I was going to Matteo's place. I have no idea why he kept on about going to Matteo's house because Giorgi is seeing Matteo and she knew nothing about it. So I said I was working until 9.30pm and he said 'Let's do it tomorrow night'. Being evil and knowing that I was working until 9.30pm once again and also knowing that I was going out with Davide I said 'Okay'. Another reason I just said okay was to get him off the phone because I was teaching, but my student had urged me to answer the phone.

Again in Sardinia. I love the brilliantly coloured flowers they had all over the island

When I finished the lesson I replied to Davide's message simply saying 'Yes' to his offer to go out. Then, again whilst minding my own business, another message comes through. I was expecting instructions on where to meet etc from Davide.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Imagine my surprise / delight / sudden increase in heart beat when it was none other than Mr. Wonderful!!!!!!! Go on! Just for one second, humour moi and imagine it!

So I'm guessing by this stage you all know I didn't delete the number!! Bend me over and spank for I've been very naughty, haven't I dear reader? Here's how the convo went down with my thought process at the time sending / receiving:

Mr. W: How are you? (*SQUEAL* & *high kick*)

The Cherry: Good! How are you? What are you doing? I just finished work' (Wouldn't mind throwing a leg over if you're up for it. Throw a Cherry a bone, so to speak)

Mr. W: Fine!!! Now I go to sleep yesterday I fall drunk (Shit! Your english is still as woeful as my Italian)

The Cherry: ok! Sweet dreams! See you soon. Kiss! (Testing the waters to see his response)

Mr. W: Tanks kiss! (You still can't spell)

This is for Kid. Taken whilst enduring The Greatest Ass Rape Of All Time in Mugello on the Friday before the MotoGP

So after this little convo, there was nothing else I could do but go over to Allie's house and 'analyse' the whole thing whilst attempting to give myself lung cancer right there and then. During the three hour period we ran through different scenarios that could possibly occur. We also discussed Davide and his friends and inviting them to the school shindig on Friday night. In regards to the Mr. Wonderful situation our analysis was that I simply had to refrain from sending him messages. Which I have thus far. And, frankly, I know for my dignity it's the only way. I don't want to be seen to be chasing him. If he wants me he can come and get moi. In the meantime, plenty more girth in the sea!! (thanks Stacy for that one! If you were here we could draw up a diagram of the situation and stand there for hours analysing it!! hahaha! OMFG!! I could die laughing!!) And on the Giorgio topic, after only a small period of time allocated to him during the analysis, the verdict is I don't like him and I'm not interested. I know he's only after a piece of The Cherry and he didn't kiss too well, and he's not that hot so I'm not too interested in seeing what delights he's got tucked away.

Last night rocked around and I arranged to meet Davide and I received an sms from Giorgio saying to meet him at his house instead of Matteo's. Well, no surprises for guessing what he thought was on the cards. Can't even take me out for a drink or a dinner. Fuck you Giorgio, fuck you! RED CARD!

The clear blue sea in Sardinia

Davide and I went for a drink. At first it was a bit like 'Oh shit! He doesn't speak English (not a word!!!) and I speak Italian really really badly' and I thought we would just be sitting there in silence the whole freaking time. But as it turned out he didn't start smashing his head against a brick wall through frustration whilst I struggled with Italian and we had a lovely time. I asked him if he has a girlfriend why was he out with me. He said he likes me and it's the first time he's ever been sneaking behind a gal's back (a likely story). Apparently, he's been with her for four months. Before we even got to the bar he asked me out for Saturday night. This rules out seeing Mr. W (if he wants to see me that is.....*sigh*) at all this week because Saturday was really my only free night. Another weird thing about him asking me out on the Saturday night is that Saturday night is Couple's Night in Parma, as opposed to Fuck Around Friday (previously referred to as Cheat On Your Partner In Parma Night).

Anyway, we shall see what transpires. I think we all know what I want. But I daren't say it. I think the link speaks volumes......*sigh*

This is the name of the sailing course I didn't actually end up doing in Sardinia. See the last word is quite similar to the English word 'mysery'??? Hmmmm?!?!?!

It's like they say.....

2006-07-10T13:55:00.000+02:00

MAY THE HOTTEST PEEPS WIN!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*insert pic of the victorious Italian soccer team here*

will Blogger never tire of anally probing me????

Sweet victory! Oh, sweet victory!!!

Giorgi and I rocked on to Lino's Bar just off the piazza to watch the game with some guys. It was tense, especially after the Ital's handed that first goal to the French on a platter. But then when it got to the penalty shoot out, the tension went through the roof.

After the match was totally mental! It was such a great atmosphere. People letting off fireworks, driving scooters, flags flying, dancing, jumping, singing. Peeps were even throwing water out of their windows onto the revellers down below! I'd give about 7kgs of my body weight to go back to last night and soak up that atmosphere. Apparently they drained the water out of the fountain. I smell a rat in the form of 'conspiracy'. They must've heard all and sundry were going to get in there and swim some laps and drained that mofo before any fun could be had!!

Enough of that because we all know who won blah, blah, blah. I want to give you the low down on the man scenario. When Giorgi and I were walking (read: struggling in million degree heat, make up melting off, hair going frizzy and wishing we didn't wear such high heels) who should cycle past but none other than Mr. W!!!!!! In fact, this is the first time I have laid eyes on the guy since all that crap went down. When I was with him we once went out for a drink and he saw a gal he had slept with before and he totally ignored her. Didn't even say hello. So I thought this would be the way he would treat The Cherry. I was wrong! He actually said 'Ciao!' and smiled!! Whoa! I nearly died.

Then when we arrived at the bar Matteo (Giorgi's new beau) introduced us to Giorgio. He was pretty hot. The best one there. He took a liking to moi (he's only human after all) but after the match Giorgi and I went to Via Farini to drink and be merry and were going to meet them a bit later back at Giorgi's place. So off we went to the Malve which was going mental. The whole city was just going insane. Then I received an sms from Davide a guy I met last Saturday night at the discoteque. So I meet them, said a quick hello, air kisses all round and then they went off to play on the scooter and we were going to meet them later. Then I get an sms from Davide saying 'Sei bellisima!' (you're beautiful!) hehehe. Then a little while later I got an sms from him again saying he couldn't meet me later because his girlfriend was sniffing around the piazza as well. When we met up with them on Friday night he was being all weird, and then he told me he had a gf. I said that was fine by me because I only wanted to be friends with him. He's not really my type, but he is a nice guy and his friends are cool too.

So then Giorgi goes off to meet Matteo and bring him back to us and I got chatting to a handsome Greek stranger in the meantime. I got his number and we'll probably meet up later this week. He was sms'ing me to go and meet him at the Tapas Bar, but we were already back at G's place at that stage with Giorgio and Matteo. So I kissed Giorgio but I'm not really into him. Nice guy, but no sparks there at all. Plus this whole friends with friends couple thing kinda makes me gag.

Now, hear this! When we were leaving to walk back to Giorgi's place we had to walk through the piazza. Who do I run into for the second time that day except Mr. W!!! Can you believe that shit?!?! I haven't seen him for so long and then twice in one day. So I stopped to chat. In hindsight even if I got the vibe that he didn't want to chat I probably would've stopped just to make him squirm. I'm such a bitch! I love it! Anyway, so I stopped, kisses, how are you's blah blah blah. Then I said to him 'I lost my phone so I don't have your number any more. Squillo (squillo is a subject I will post about at a later stage) me so I've got it.' So he says 'Sure no problem', get out the phone and squillo's immediately. I had to go because the others were waiting, but I gave him a kiss on the lips before I trekked off.

When I lost my phone I actually thought it was a good thing because then I didn't have his number. But now I do and I don't think it's a good thing. Because when I got back to Giorgi's house I rang that mofo!!! 'NOOOOOOOOOOO!' I hear you all scream in unison. But yes I did. There was no answer so I'm just pretending it didn't happen. Deep breaths and self control. Allie asked me today if I would 'revisit' that sitaution on a casual basis. The answer is yes. But really I know the correct answer is no. So I'm going to be strong about this and breathe deeply and visualise other cocks besides his.

Anyway, I think it's for the best to have several on the go at once, plus there is a Certain Someone that I can't get out of my head!! I'm not going to meet the love of my life in this Country of Eternal Bastards & Mental Cases so I've decided to join them at their own game. Fuck them. Fuck them all! Literally! *insert Evil World Domination laugh here*

Fractured Ears & Lock Jaw With A Crotch On Top

2006-07-07T11:25:00.000+02:00

Random crotch shot at the MotoGP, the rest of him ain't too bad either.......

I wrote a whole section on The Commander In Chief of the Spanish Inquisition getting on my tits this morning, and oh how I wish someone had been getting on my tits in the literal sense.......*sigh*......but this was just someone making my Irritable Bitch Syndrome flair up again. Anyway, I deleted it. I'm not wasting this blog on that crap. I decided the above crotch shot was a definite way to cheer myself up! And being the selfless gal that I am I thought I'd share the crotch. Oh, I spoil you so!

View from the beach in Cinquale. The mountains a mere stone's throw from the beach.

So today I was just stuffing around in my apartment when suddenly some freak started 'singing' on a microphone in the piazza. Her song of choice was 'It must've been love, but it's over nooooooow' by Roxette. Rest asssured, if it wasn't over before she started singing whoever she was singing about would've pulled the pin well and truly by the time she'd finished. Wow! Two dying cats would've sounded more musical than her. I'm suprised my ears are still functioning.....

Forte Dei Marmi. View of mountains from the ocean

My jaw is killing me for some reason. It feels as if it would after giving the entire Italian soccer team blow jobs in quick succession *loses train of thought briefly* Lock jaw, I do believe, would be an appropriate description.

This is my fave pic from Sardinia. I sat on a beach on night to have a quiet bevvie and this was the divine view.

Tonight we're hitting up the bar across the road again. The one with the crazy, whistle blowing man where we watched The Match the other night. There's a mexican party on. I dare say he'll be wearing the his sombrero again and will start throwing us around like he did last time, all in the name of salsa dancing.

I had more pics to post but I just can't figure this shit out. You'll have to make do with these ones and wait with baited breath for the rest. In the meantime pray to *insert your god's name here* that Italia come up trumps on Sunday night. We're going to hang with a few guys in a bar near the piazza. It's closer to the fountain and all the action that will be going down. Yeehaaaaaaa!!!!!

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Admittedly it might make for a funny blog post to watch grown men cry over a game of soccer if they lose. *insert Evil World Domination* laugh here. Yeah, you guessed it I'm totally off these mama's boys that are the Italian 'men'. Not bad to look at, but anything more is just a turn off. For now anyway.....hehehe.

Have a fabulous weekend my little cherubs!

Kisses!

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-05T12:00:00.000+02:00

I swear to God, Allah, Buddah, A Bottle of Red Wine, Cocks, Tits, Ass, whatever you're religious tendencies sway towards, that this World Cup Fever is giving me lung cancer and a poisoned liver.

Yes Totti, I will marry you! GYCO! (Get Your Cock Out)

Last night was so fucking awesome!!! The gal pals and I were going to go into the piazza to watch The Match on the big screen with all the other Parmagedons. But it didn't turn out like that because we ended up just going to a samll bar across the road that had a TV and a few fellow revellers as well as seats to park our asses on. It was the best move ever!! The guy running the shop was totally crazy! Blowing whistles yelling 'Tonight it's a big party!' and generally being hilarious. It was a great atmosphere with lots of alcohol and great food all round.

The alcohol was required to handle the stress as was the five million cigarettes we each smoked. Next time we are just getting the cigarette suppliers to park the truck at the bar. One punter was telling the owner to call the ambulance at one stage, so I think we might get a few of those parked behind the cigarette truck.

When they kicked the first goal everyone jumped up and were hugging each other and dancing around yelling, blowing the whistle, running around with the flag and other such fabulous antics. Then they scored again and it was more of the same, but since it was the end of the match the crazy guy ran and grabbed fireworks and started letting them off in the car park. Then he went and got a bottle of champers and started spraying it everywhere. The dancing started after that with the music pumping and all the cars started driving the streets again honking their horns and flags flying out the windows, cheering and going wild. The main street was totally gridlocked, you couldn't get anywhere.

OMFG! SO. MUCH. FUN!!!!!!!!!

We're going back to the same bar tonight to watch the match and then again on Sunday night to watch THE BIG ONE!!! Apparently, if they win (fingers crossed!!!) on Sunday night Jenny's going in the fountian. I don't think she'll be alone, somehow.

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**I had more pics to put up but blogger is anally probing me once again! Thank you Blogger!

Exposing The Cherry

2006-07-03T14:35:00.000+02:00

My computer at home is dead. So how I'm able to breathe at this point in time is beyond me because I'm addicted the internet, msn messenger for chatting to a Certain Someone and The Blog and blogs that I read. Sad but true.

I pretty much took Morbid's advice and plyed myself with enough alcohol on the weekend to kill a blue whale. I had been on the wagon for a couple of weeks and then suddenly I fell off it. I also smoked enough cigarettes to almost make one of my lungs collapse. What is it about intoxcating substances that entice me so? In fact, I could do with a glass of the red right now....

So I went to Forte Dei Marmi for a few days last week. There was no eye candy, just lots of families sunning themselves. We had a nice time and I now have a bit more of a tan happening. I have always said that 'Tan does not maketh the person', but this year I'm getting into it. Brown fat is better than white fat.

On Friday night a group of us went to watch the soccer. Approximately 5000 drinks later we left. We found a fabulous shooter on the menu, so after the first one there was no stopping us. Really tragic.

Saturday we watched England go down. A bit of a shame. Becks injured and Rooney red carded for NOTHING!!! There was a vile creature there at the bar who I made the mistake of talking to for a second and after that he wouldn't shut the fuck up. I had to ignore him after that, but I didn't manage to escape without him going in for a bit of a kiss goodbye. Ew! I stepped back and told him to step off. He really was revolting.

Dancing was on the cards on Saturday night. Allie and I whacked on the glad rags and danced up a storm. The club was pretty cool because there was outdoor dancing. Cherry loves outdoor dance offs. For some reason there were alot of fat chicks out which pleased Allie and I no end, because most of these women here in Parma are like emaciated twigs. To quote Emma when she was here 'Yes I remember my last meal. It was in 1996 and I ate half a lettuce leaf.' And apparently the don't eat in front of men. Please! Plan B once told me of his suprise when he met some gals from Reggio Emilia 'that actually ate'. He really was actually suprised.....weird.

Yesterday I hit up a bar to watch the MotoGP and was propositioned by a fellow punter. I was watching the race and he indicated to me to follow him to the bathroom and then stood by the window waiting for me. I shook my head that I wasn't having a bar of him. Especially his bar. He was also quite revolting and the weird thing was that he was with what looked like his boyfriend. Someone's swinging both ways by the looks of it.

I ended up going to eat icecream with another lone punter. We got talking about the race and then went to buy icecream which melted in the million degree heat. After walking me back to my car I accidentally flashed him my boob. I was in a halter neck top, braless and out it came. Whoops! This is not the first time it has happened. In Denmark I was actually talking to a lesbian for quite a while with one of my boobs exposed. She must have been enjoying the view because she didn't tell me!! hahaha!! This guy was nice enough to let me know that my boob was hanging out, though. How sweet of him!

Heading off to France this weekend or the next. Rockin'!
That's all I've got for youse at this stage.
Peace out biatches.

Good Times & Happy Days Recipe

2006-06-24T17:55:00.000+02:00

Dish:
Good Times & Happy Days
Serves 1
Best served in a 'People Free Zone', preferably the comfort of your own home.

Ingredients:

1. Music pumping out some FUNKED UP, PHAT beats
2. TV on sports channel
3. Every window open
4. Warm breeze floating on through (don't be tempted to add air conditioning the warm breeze achieves much better results)
5. Random dance off sessions with yo' bad ass self.
6. Random singing at heartfelt tunes
7. A MotoGP race (on the TV)
8. Sunbaking on the balcony
9. Occasional ass scratch

Method:

The method is really quite simple: mix it all up adding only what you like, when you like.
Add clothing to taste.

Enjoy!

**I'll be back down at Forte Dei Marmi over the next couple of days, making like a beached whale & sunning myself on the beach. Don't miss me too much, sweeties!

Red Card, My Friend, Red Card

2006-06-23T23:44:00.000+02:00

Somewhat caught up in the frenzy that is World Cup Fever I've started issuing my own red and yellow cards.

Following are just two examples of circumstances that were totally beyond my control and I had no other alternative but to issue RED CARDS:

RED CARD NUMERO UNO:

I received a phone call on Tuesday night at 12.45am after a month of me 'allegedly' giving the caller my number. He was Italian, claimed to be named Elvis (I'm not even joking and he wasn't either from what I could tell) and asked me if I was still in Milan. I spoke quickly in English to him, knowing he couldn't understand a word (it's the best trick in the world) before hanging up on him. He called back. When he asked me again if I was still in Milan I said yes and hung up again on 'The King'. I'm not, and never was, in Milan but I thought I'd throw him off the scent a bit. Create mass confusion, if you will. Quite clearly I did cause mass confusion but only for me. I thought hanging up on him twice was message enough. Can you believe he called again?? By this stage Elvis was getting on my nerves, so I just ignored it. Then he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me for coffee. Dream on Elvis!

I think Elvis had his wires crossed. Firstly, I don't know anyone going around claiming to be Elvis, secondly I don't want to know anyone going around claiming to be Elvis. I've only ever been to Milan once, so I think he has the wrong person. But even if I was the correct person, why did he wait a month to call and then until 12.45am.

RED CARD NUMERO DUE:

Last night I was sitting at my computer, just Blog Whoring my way around blogs as I so love to do. Then at 11.45pm I received an sms. Before I delve into the details I'll just give you a bit of background info on this guy Luca. We met through one of KJ's students also named Luca and then te next night all four of us had dinner, and then I ran into him one night on Via Farini. I am not attracted to him in the slightest. He is so not attractive to me and he has a dress sense that even Blind Freddy could surpass. And I'm not being nasty there, I just speak the truth. Here's how the conversation went:

Luca: Hi how are you? Kisses Luca (bare in mind the kisses mean nothing. They throw that around like it's going out of fashion)

Cherry: Hi! I'm really well. Good to hear from you. How are you? Kisses

Luca: I'm fine. Where are you now? (WTF????)

Cherry: I'm in Parma until Tuesday morning. Doing nothing, just relaxing and enjoying it!

Luca: Are you at home alone? (Yes, and I have some racy red lingirie on, porn on the TV now all I need is you, big boy!)

Cherry: No. (A lie, I live alone but in an apartment above my boss. I don't want worlds colliding, if you know what I mean)

Luca: Would you like to meet me? (I'm thinking in a group scenario on Via Farini maybe, but you're freaking me out!)

Cherry: When? Next weekend is better for me. I don't want to do anything this weekend.

Luca: On Monday night is for me is good...at your home. (Actually, I don't believe I gave you the option of Monday night and in my house?? WTF??)

Cherry: No. I'm working Monday night. My house is not an option because I live in the apartment above my boss. Sorry.

Luca: So when for you?

Cherry: I'm afraid never for me, Luca. I've just had to issue you with a RED CARD!

WARNING: Cherry is a jerk free zone and if you try to get near her she will have no choice but to RED CARD you.

Chasing Cars

2006-06-21T16:38:00.000+02:00

If I lay here.....

If I just lay here.....

Would you lie with me

and just forget

the world?

**All photographs taken by Cherry!

Saltwater & Sailing (or lack thereof)

2006-06-19T13:30:00.000+02:00

I'm not in the greatest of moods today, but I shall endeavour to do my utmost to humour you all with a report on my trip to Sardinia, Island of Hope, Island of Dreams. That crap after the word 'Sardinia' is merely for dramatic effect, BTW.

So we got there after a long overnight ferry trip where there was a screaming child. Clearly by the intensity of it's howling there was something wrong with the little one, but the mother saw fit to just add to the noise by banging on the floor and doing that yell/whisper thing that peeps do and telling her to be quiet. And then instead of just going straight to check into where we were staying so we could freshen up and slightly resemble humans again, the peeps I was with wanted to dick around. Go and drink a coffee (in public looking like fucking dogshit...dignity people! Ever heard of it???), lie on the beach eat sandwiches, stop at another freaking bar for another freaking coffee and THEN finally check in. My god! And just when I thought it was safe to relax we have to go to the sailing course 'briefing'.

Though it's always fascinating to listen to a Roman man drone on and on in Roman dialect demonstrating rigging up the sail, after just having tied several knots for a couple hours (YES HOURS this shit was going on for !!!!!!!), I decided to high tail it, sans crew, back Base Camp and finally have a shower. Then I decided to part ways with the group and check out the bar, watch a bit of soccer and cook some dinner. One thing I learnt on this trip away is that I'm not into this whole group thing. Especially with Italians. I didn't know WTF was going on half the time. Whether we were coming or going. And that was only after 24hours.

So the next day we listened to the same Roman guy, obviously in love with the sound of his own voice, crap on for a couple of hours again. He was even chastisin peeps for talking and telling them to turn their cell phones off. After five minutes I switched off and marvelled at how high he had his pants pulled up, displaying his crotch for all to see which side he 'dresses to'. If only he was remotely good looking I may just have enjoyed staring at that crotch. After those couple of hours off me sitting there thinking I'd much prefer to be swallowing razor blades or sticking pins in my eyes we finally went to the boats. And we did an inventory check (fucking excitement) and then rigged up the sail. Yeah, hot stuff. So I told the teacher I was not going out to sea with them and that I was heading to the bar to watch Australia Vs Japan. And that, my friends, is as close to sailing as I got. Yep. Just stood there on the boat in the marina.

I didn't go back after that and opted, instead to watch the soccer matches, lie on the beach, swim, read. You know those things that you do to RELAX on a holiday. It may have been nice to go out one or two days, but one of the posse said you always had to be working and there was no time for relaxing. Fuck that. Am I the only person that has ever paid for something like this and then just ditched it due to intense boredom? Perhaps but I need to unwind.

I ended up meeting some really cool English geezers. It was awesome hanging out with them. Gaz and Becks are travelling around in a big fuck off motorhome that has all the comforts of home and Testy (aka Craig) was just overr for a bit of fun in the sun relaxation. One day the boys hired a speedboat and Becks and I went in it for about half an hour. That was very cool. The water is so blue and beautiful!

We went and watched the England soccer match and all the geezers were out of the wood works. Gaz and Testy had everyone in stitches with tales of when they were strippers for a year. Apparently, 'Tripod' and 'Lethal Magic' had quite the following!! There was also alot of discussion on whether anyone had ever 'lost their ring on the beach'. One lady's daughter had, in fact, lost her ring on the beach and that's when Gaz started quizzing Becks and I on whether we'd ever lost our rings on the beach. The lady heard and seriously thought I had lost an actual ring on the beach. OMG, it was hilarious.

Gaz then embarked on a story of the engagement of Testy and I and she seriously thought we were. She thought we had gone to the island together and that we lived together in England.

The second night we hit up the discoteque. The boys cut the rug and Becks and I sidestepped on the outskirts of the dance floor. They only played about five songs (true story) but it was just enough time for me to pull out some funked up aerobics moves which double as hot dance moves. The two chestnuts I pulled out were 'Grapevine' and 'Easy Walk' which had one punter declaring 'Grande!'. Yes, take a bow Cherry! Hot to trot!

There were clearly no age restrictions or dress codes at this hotspot. I was there in flip flops adn there was also a toddler flashing her diaper on the dance floor. Start them early! That's what I like to see. I was disappointed that there wasn't a smoke machine, but the strobe lighting more than made up for that.

Another day of relaxation and we were back on the ferry and back to reality. Namely Parma and the allergies it gives me. My eyes are like piss holes in the snow and the nose is shot to bits. Lovely!

Tomorrow I'm back off to Forte Dei Marmi for a few days and then back to Parma on the weekend. I think there is a party happening. This could be the chance for something to happen with Plan B.

On a side note, you'll never freaking believe this but it seems Mr. W. has had enough of wearing those high heeled boots, listening to my CD's and perusing the pages of my massage course notes because he has handed the loot over by way of Alex. I don't know why that fuckwit just didn't give it back to me ages ago. He has practially been with my CD's longer than he was with me! hahaha!

Sorry no pics because I'm on the computer at the school. I shall post some for you later!

I hope you have all been happy and healthy. I myself am about to embark on a spiritual journey. I'm not talking about vodka (although that may be involved). I have no idea of how I intend to take the said 'spiritual journey', but I'm searching for something. Not sure what it is either. But I need to get back to basics.

Take it easy peeps!

No spell check again. If you don't like bite me!

Gone Sailing, Sweetie!

2006-06-10T12:10:00.000+02:00

Loving myself sick as per usual in my Valentine Rossi get up!
I HEART THE DOCTOR!

This is just a quick one. I'm in Cinquale at the moment (just near Forte Dei Marmi) and the weather is divine! Tonight I'm setting off for the sailing expedition in Sardinia. I think the entire time may be spent plying myself with alcohol (after sailing each day) due the lack of exciting company I'll be in. Don't get me wrong, they are nice peeps, just not my kind of peeps. I'm considering flying solo and propping up the bar at a local hang out and playing the Italian impaired tourist. You never know what may come of that. But apparently each day we change boats to mix it up a little. I don't think I need to tell you what I'm hoping for: Well hung, handsome stranger with girth.

Replacing Lost Cock was never so much fun! This is moi trying on sunglasses whilst replacing my mobile phone

The drive to the ferry is, thankfully, only one hour. I'll be in a car with one person I've never met and another who I was stuck talking to at dinner one night. I was impressed that his English was self taught. But then the topic of conversation turned to his father going to Australia for a couple of days on business 12 years ago and that he was amazed that people stopped at the pedestrian crossings to let people cross. This was all delivered in a montone and, needless to say, I was beside myself with excitement with this topic.....*yawn*

This is me 'trackside' bitches!

The last couple of days I have been toying with the idea of returning to The Land Down Under for good at the end of the year. It's still at the stage of being nothing more than a thought, but nevertheless it's something I'm considering. I was really leaning towards it when last night I got an sms from someone who shall be known as Plan B. Some of you may know I had been thinking of sabotaging the Mr. W. romance before it actually ended and Plan B is the guy that was part of the reason for the possible sabotage. Anyway, I had sent him an sms complaining that I had not seen one hot person in this town sonce arriving, apart from when I have looked in the mirror. He replied that if I wanted to see the hottest guy then I should go to ****** (insert name of town here). I put the stars there, not for secrecy but because I can't spell the name of the town. So I wrote back I shall be knocking on his door upon my return. hahaha. It will probably never come to anything anyway, but a bit of flirting never hurt anyone!

Viva Il Dottore!

Last but not least, as promised, here it a pic of the cake that I prepared as per the recipe from my EWD British Delegate, none other than the lovely JIN!!!! Of course, this pic is nothing like the food pron she's churning out, but it's simply a taste sensation and due to popular demand I made it again yesterday. I have eaten a fair bit of it, all in the name of looking as repulsive as possible for this summer. Especially this week of sailing! Yeah! Sorry I haven't been my usual blog whoring self but I don't have my usual tools of trade (namely a computer with internet access!!!). Resat assured I'm still loving you all sick and will whore around when I next get the chance.

Love youse all!

PS If they're are eny erorrs in thiss opst. Sorry on tim to chelk.

Stacey & Cherry Versus Italia

2006-06-06T20:56:00.000+02:00

Stacey arrived on Thursday and I soon joined her in Florence. Ah yes! Such fond memories of Florence! I did a day trip to the beautiful city over the holiday period (Dec 2005) and took a long stroll after lunch, slightly off the beaten track. Next thing I know a scooter riding fan is making like the Statue of David and getting his cock out for me. There was a slight difference though, and by that mean, his dick was not made of stone and the last time I checked the Statue of David wasn't wanking on the side of the road with his scooter parked next to him. They say I have a keen eye for detail and I think they're not far off the mark.

Stacey and I were welcomed with a good old fashioned Euro style anal probe. I'm not talking about the kind that one may actually be able to enjoy. No, I speak of nigh on twenty four hours of intense Stacey & Cherry Vs Italia Warfare. Stacey and I have been known amoung our peers as having a high level of intestinal fortitude and the inability to give up without a giggle, a vodka or a flick of the hair. These tactics failed us this weekend (in most cases anyway) as Italia pulled out the big guns.

We woke up, on time and despite the fact that my fringe was taking on a mind of it's own, we weren't taking it as a sign of the Day of Torture that was about to occur. We were catching the train to Borgo San Lorenzo and were expecting a shuttle bus to be there waiting to take us to the three day international event. We alighted the train and saw a few other peeps wanting to get there too. At this stage we were thinking that we were part of The Amazing Race. The other peeps going there were in couples and as we all stood there scratching our heads wondering WTF, I said to them 'I'll go and ask someone'. So in I go to ask for some info in my fabulous Italian. Stacey checked at the door at intervals to ensure that our Amazing Race competitors did not go off without us. We emerged from the station and wandered back to the road to inform our fellow competitors that, in fact, there were no buses that day or the next and that there only were on the Sunday. The day of the actual race.

Well guess what?!?!?! Those assholes had gone! Disappeared! Without us! We thought it was highly rude, given that we would've shared the info provided to us (since none of them spoke Ital and there was no one around that spoke English). Anyway, we put our disgust for the ill mannered assholes aside and mozied on down to a cafe and asked inside which way to The Track. It was five kilometres away, but we had no choice but to get there as we had to pick up the tickets that day. We were getting pit passes from one of the guys in the Suzuki team and it was really the only chance we had to pick them up because we didn't want to interfere with his work. A couple with a car that were eating their breakfast in the cafe offered us a ride to The Track. Thank the lord! If we had to walk, better it only be one way than both!

We arrived and waited circa 2.5 hours in the unpredictable weather outside the gates to collect the tickets. One minute it was freezing and blowing (not that kind of blowing, although there were a few that I would have in a heart beat) a gale and the next it was burning up. We finally got in, walked around checking out the pits (AMAZING!!! see pics when I finally post them!!), sussing out areas to sit on race day and then walked for 45 minutes in the wrong direction before realising and then walked back to the food set up area to rest our weary feet before getting a start on the journey back to Base Camp.

So there we sit, and just as we're about to start off a huge cloud comes along and it starts pissing it down. Lord! Will this day ever end! It seems it won't. Because we damn near had to walk the entire way back to the train station. On the way back I saw one of those little shrine type things, and though my companion scoffed at the idea, I prayed that someone would come and pick s up soon! It seems that praying does indeed pay off. For as we trekked along, a bus passed int he opposite direction adn then returned picking us up and taking us back into the town. Let it be said, at this point, that we had walked the best part of six kms under a burning sun, yet through some amazing Tuscan countryside. Eventhough we weren't having a great run of things we didn't stop laughing for too long. On a few occassions it was touch and go, but the other one managed to keep the other in good spirits. There was no point getting pissed off because it was beyond our control.

Once the bus dropped us off back in the town we then had the challenge of finding the train station. Three kilometres in the wrong direction, a torrential downpour, two broken Italian directional enquiries later and we were at the train station and on a train back to Florence. Only thing was the train didn't go all the way back to the central Florence station and we almost stayed on the train which was going BACK to the place we had come from. OMFG! If that had have happened, I wouldn't be here typing this long winded story. I would have jumped off the train and in front of another one. Seriously.

We arrived back in Florence near the apartment and thought we'd go and buy some food for dinner before stepping out and experiencing some of the nightlife with an Italian guy we'd met the night prior. Even the simple task of buying food from the supermarket turned into one major fucking saga. I kid you not. The supermarket near the station and conveniently close to our apartment was closed so we asked a local vendor where there another one might be. He gave directions and we gladly went there, not knowing what laid in wait for us. It would seem that every tourist in the city had the same idea as us. Had they all asked the same street vendor and had he laughed as we happily strolled off in the direction of the overpopulated and understocked supermarket?? Evenually approximately ONE FUCKING HOUR LATER, we left and headed for the hotel. This in itself took 45 mins and I thought my shoulders may break. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the shoulder workout from lugging the heavy bags, but mentally I couldn't take the torture any longer. We were both near breaking point, but chanted the mantra 'Italia you won't beat us! Italia you won't beat us!'.

Knowing that the worst of the day was over we ate, had a few warm up drinks and whacked on the glad rags before hitting the town. Unfortunately, I actually hit the pavement, face plant style before actually getting to hit the town. My word! I was strutting along in my high, high heels while exchanging smart ass sms's with my bro when BAM! A small mound of ashphalt snuck up on moi and The Cherry came crashing down to the pavement ala Carrie Bradshaw on the beginning of Sex And The City. It was seriously like something out of a movie. One minute confidently mincing along, next minute biting the dust. Oh even two days later we nearly wetting ourselves with laughter. Way too funny. By this stage it was Stacey & Cherry NIL : Italia TOO MANY TO COUNT. Fuckers!

We met the guy, who turned out to be a bit of weirdo. Another story and I can't even be bothered getting into it. We went to a fab club we're things got ugly, I lost my phone and Stacey lost her camera. I didn't even blink an eyelid at buying a new phone. It seemed much less hassle than actaully searching for the thing. The only problem was that of the Lost Cock. Yeah, all the numbers. All the spadework I've been up to now seems to have been a waste. Jeanpaul has sms'd and I think the friends that I've made will but what about Paul???? Yes, he's in the States, but if he comes back??? Well I guess I did tell him to get in contact with me. I think KJ has his number anyway, so I shall just have to wait and see. And what about the pictures of ACTUAL cocks on there. *SIGH* Gone. Gone to cock heaven....Out of my grasp....*SIGH* Plenty more cock in the sea. And I seriously hope this is true since I'm going to be spending time at the sea side and also sailing.... Score check please! Stacey & Cherry NIL : Italia OFF THE SCORE BOARD. Hmmmmm........

Saturday we decided that it was better to stay in the 'trenches' than to step foot out into open territory where were likely to experience more shit. We did leave briefly but only to pick up some supplies. Namely, a new phone, food, wine and vodka ('for emergencies' quote unquote Stacey). We were lucky and the MotoGP qualifying laps were being shown on the TV. Tops!
The big day finally rocked around! The whole day was AWESOME! We found a fabulous spot to watch the race from, away from the plebs and quite close to a part of the track where the bikes come screaming past you. I cannot tell you how exciting it was! We took photos of the pits, I bought my Valentino Rossi singlet, visor and keyirng and settled in for the big race!
The Doctor (Valentino) won and then everyone jumped fences and did whatever they could to runto the track and then down to the stadium. Everyone with scooters and motorbikes took them down to the the track and started doing laps. AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME!

Stacey and I headed to the pits to thank Stuart for the tickets. The Suzuki garage was right next to the Yamaha garage. We were waiting outside of the Suzuki garage (for Stuart) and there HEAPS of peeps waiting outside of the Yamaha one to try and catch a glimpse of The Doctor. Wouldn't you know it? He came down the spiral staircase in between the two garages and we enjoyed an uninteruppted view of the man himself! Much to his delight I mamaged to pass him my autograph before he had to leave.

Still waiting, John Hopkins (the guy that Stuart is the Chief Mechanic for) came out. A few Italians were asking for his gloves, autographs, photos and at one point I think one may have even asked for his mojo. 'Let the guy breathe mofo's!' I felt like saying. But instead I waited until the fuss died down and then said in a very 'I know what I'm talking about' wanker voice, coupled with a serious look on my face 'Good race John' and nodded. HAHAHAHAHAHA! He looked over and said thanks and nodded back. HAHAHAHAHAHA! He rode off and Stacey and I nearly died laughing. Let the record state that I was NOT taking the piss out of him, I was just being a tool because it's what I do.

Soon after Stuart came along and we got to go inside the Suzuki garage. Again totally unreal! I loved it! The whole setup of the garages and the pit area is amazing! They have full bars and restaurants set up for each team. They set these up for each race that they go to in Europe.

The way home went well and we were offered a lift by two guys. One very sexy and the other not so sexy who tried to rub his dick against my ass when we got out of the car. I would've been loving it if it was the sexy one, but it wasn't.....And, sadly, they lived in Napoli. No chance of getting a bit of that!

All in all depsite the bad start to the weekend we had a great time! I'm now obssessed with MotoGP and I'm looking at other European races that I can make it to. Yeeha!
Sorry for the long winded story but I'm just putting off packing AGAIN to go to Forte Dei Marmi tomorrow and Sardinia on Saturday. I'm looking forward to it, but I just hate the fucking packing!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Again no pics. Sorry! All in good time! There are some fab ones! Especially the one where I'm handing 'The Doctor' my autograph.

Packing, Baking, Dating & Getting My Groove Back.

2006-05-31T13:46:00.000+02:00

Saturday night resulted in a fat lip and it's still a bit bruised. Not so sure how it actually happened though...I don't think it's from the gay homosexual I was seen pashing on with for most of the night at the discoteque. Allow me to elaborate, Dear Reader. Fuscia singlet PLUS diamonted motif SCREAMS gaylord to me.

International relations were somewhat enhanced between Australia and America that night when I also met a lovely rugby player, who for the sake of the blog we'll call Paul. Mainly because his name is Paul. Bod to die for! Mmmm... Alas! He leaves for the States on Saturday and I'm off galavanting around this fine country. Maybe Round Two will be on the cards when and if he returns. Only time will tell.

I also have a date tonight with someone called Jeanpaul. I'm really not sure if it's Gaylord In Fuscia or if it's some other random that successfully extracted my number from me. I may take The Wench's (gal pal from Aus) and don a scarf and baggy hat in readiness for a 'walk by' if he turns out to be below par. But I have a bit of a sore throat (no, not from cock in mouth action) so I am thinking of cancelling. I'll see how I feel later on in the day. I'm kind of nervous because not only is it a 'blind-ish date' but because it's going to require parlo'ing Italiano which isn't exactly my forte, if the truth be told.

**Okay I'm writing this just before posting and can't bothered rewriting (the above). Gaylord In Fucsia (if it's him) sms'd to say it was pissing down at his place at about 7pm and to say he'd see how the rain was at 9.30 when we were supposed to meet. I was thrilled and had secretly hoped for a cancellation. Wednesday night is a little too hard core for me. I'm thinking with this guy (again, whomever he may be) I need a Friday night on Via Farini with many a peep around. In case the going gets tough, we both have other peeps to fall back on / escape to. So the story goes that when I actually said 'Another day is cool, but I can't see you for two weeks' he was like 'omg! two weeks but I can see you next week'. I was like 'it's just because i'm galavanting'. Mind you all of these messgaes were in Ital, my responses being of the rather ridiculously broken style. Oh how I try! So then he wrote back 'Okay, well we'll see how the rain goes'. What a surprise that I received a message from him during my class saying he could make it. My student hung around a bit to help me concoct a story to send later. The story is that I didn't finish until 10.30 and perhaps I may be able to meet him next Friday evening because I'm coming back that night to Parma before leaving the following week. Take it or leave it sunshine! I'm bending over backwards to keep your dream alive. Ha! Doubt I'll hear from him again. Sorry pal, but don't leave it until the last minute to say 'game on'. The Cherry ain't having it! He's probably the love of my life. But I guess if he was I'd probably have some faint idea of who he was.....hmmmmm....

Tomorrow morning I'm off to Florence! Hoorah! I have been waiting for this for such a long time and I cannot wait! I'm feeling the need to chill out, let loose and have a merry old time. I think there will be lots of crotch watching at the MotoGP. I can feel it! On Saturday night I got my groove back, so I’m sensing danger down there in Florence! Yeehaa!

** Also written after. SHIT! Why was I not put on this earth to pack fucking light? Please! Someone answer me this. I once went away for three days and took seven pairs of shoes (one pair of slippers and one pair of slides for the pool included. Slides weren't utilised). I have four bags. Don't get excited peeps. Let me explain. One bag, that I'm ashamed to be taking, has 5 pairs of shoes and another I'll be wearing one. A small suitcase carries clothes. Fifty thousand tops to be combined with very limited bottoms are included. Another filled with cosmetics. These happen to be the bain of my existence. I can go away for just one day and the cosmetics will take up more room. And then after that there's the large handbag with the small Burberry hangbag inside. I'm really hoping some well hung, handsome stranger with girth offers to help me with all of my luggage, but if not I'm sure I'll survive. On the way there at least. On the way back I'm not so sure.

Jin, I did bake The Elvis Presley Pound Cake (my mother thought that name was fall down on the floor and chortle until the cows come home funny) and I thank you (my ass doesn't) for the recipe! I think I could have cooked it slightly longer, just for the middle to be done a bit more, but I was afraid that the rest of the cake would go dry. It turned out magnificently! I left it downstairs in Pam and Michele's apartment, sans one piece devoured by moi, with a note saying 'Save The Whale Campaign' with a short blurb begging them to save me from turning into a whale by keeping the cake and eating it. I ate another piece this morning though! Too yummy! I'll be making it again that's for sure! Thanks again EWD partner! BTW I have a pic of it (albeit half because the othe half got eaten prior to consumption) but Blogger and these two computers have been jarring me in the rectal region all day long. 'Half your luck', I hear you all say. 'Without lube?' I retort, 'Not pretty!'

Before I Peace Out to my last note, which is a serious one, may I apologise for not being able to post the three pics I had planned to (that fucking cake is one of the pics included, my ass tripling in size by the second was not!!), but seriously knowing that the gods are really reacihng down with their throbbing members today and giving it to me is more than enough to give me the screaming shits.

For the love of God, keep it fucking real!
It ain't worth not bein' real.

Love you all!
Cher xxx

On a more serious note, a blog friend of mine has passed away. Larry (Farmboy) you will missed by everyone who knew you. Rest In Peace.

C is for Cherry!

2006-05-26T13:09:00.000+02:00

Lush tagged me and I was blessed with the letter 'C'. Since Claudia has completed her list I was suddenly inspired to do the same. You're only supposed to do 10 but my list may take on a life of it's own. You've been warned.....

The sunrise taken from the balcony off my bedroom

Cock - Yeah, as if you didn't guess that was going to be first on the list. Just yesterday I set the wallpaper on my cell phone to a pic of a cock as an affirmation. So everytime I receieve a message or a phone call I think to myself 'Cherry there is more cock on the horizon'. Does anyone want my number so they can constantly send me sms's????

Crotch Watching - I love crotches and crotch watching. My name is Cherry and I am a perv.

Crotch Riders - This is terminology I learnt the other day whilst reading JD's blog, that means motorbikes. Next week I'm off to the Motorbike Grand Prix in Mugello (just outside of Florence) for three days. Motor sports aren't really my thing, but when Stacey told me that we actually had PIT PASSES for the entire three days suddenly my interest soared. Look out for the post 'Wild Weekend' in the not so distant future. Hopefully there will, indeed, be hot and 'Grand Prix' aplenty in attendance.

Cabana Boy(s) - After the crotch riders I'll be off to hang on the beach at Forte Dei Marmi for June. I did see cabanas when we went to check out houses and put two and two together. Cabanas mean there must be Cabana Boys sniffing around.

The Phosgene Kid requested pics of the countryside. I stopped the Terror Mobile on the side of the road the other day to take this shot. It didn't turn oput as well as I would've liked because of the sun, but I still think it's nice. I'll take more this weekend for you, Kid!

Cruising - As in cruising the high seas. For a week in June I'll be off to go sailing in Sardinia. Yipee! Apparently it is spectacular there. I. Cannot. Wait.

Christian Dior - One of the swimming costumes I'll be attempting to fit into during the summer. It ain't gonna be pretty peeps........

Cardiovascular Exercise - I'm trying to increase the amount of times I do this each week so I'm not completely embarressed whilst wearing the abovementioned swimming costume.

Cheese - My consumption of this basically cancels out any effect cardio may be having on my body.

Chianti, Champers & Cocks - When in doubt, drink alcohol.

Another sunrise

Cupid - I think this little bastard needs get a bit of target practice in for when he's flinging those arrows my way.

Charming (of the Prince variety) - Like I commented on Kris' blog the other day. When this guy finally does rock in, I'm gonna kick his ass for taking so long.

Contact - Yes! Contact has been made with Mr. Wanker formally known as Mr. Wonderful. Not direct contact with me. Oh no! That would be too mature. That would mean actually behaving like an adult. Mr. W. decided to take it upon himself to contact KJ and tell her that he would drop my things off to her place and what time would she be home. KJ said that she wasn't getting involved and that he had to contact me and ask if it was fine for him to drop everything over to her place. He said it was just a bag of CD's to which she replied quite forcefully (knowing that it wasn't only CD's that I'd left there) that if he wanted to drop everything over then he must contact me first. hahahaha! I await the sms. I may be waiting a while because it seems that he can't handle The Cherry's wrath! (insert Evil World Domination laugh here). So I'll be sms'ing him at a later stage and giving him a list of the things I have there and then will be getting him to drop everything over to KJ's. I'll be there when the 'drop off' takes place to make sure everything is there and, of course, to watch him squirm. Clearly, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to see me or even respond to my sms's so I think this will be quite a fun filled way to end the saga that was.....

**'C' is also for camera so please enjoy the pics!

Shakira Sucks Cock

2006-05-24T10:34:00.000+02:00

It looks as if Shakira and I have something in common, namely 'Oral Fixation'. But if she really did have an 'Oral Fixation' then surely it would mean that she would shut up, like, forever and go and fixate herself orally to someone.

Cocks in the Park

2006-05-22T13:51:00.000+02:00

Yet again another fabulous weekend here in Parma! Me stepping out for Cheat On Your Partner In Parma Night didn't quite come to fruition and I ended up just cruising home and relaxing. BORING! I was hoping for lots of crotch watching with a sprinkling of naughtiness. Alas! 'Twasn't to be.

KJ and I in the park

On Saturday I prettied myself up and rocked over to Kiwi Jenny's for lunch and, of course, vino. We danced and sang to some 70's tracks and then went to meet Luca in the park. KJ just lives around the corner from Mr. W so it was suggested that we key his car and continue to do so until he gives me back my belongings. It's beyond me why he is keeping a pair of my high heeled boots hostage.

I digress.

We arrived at the bar in the middle of the park, exchanged greetings with Luca and got stuck straight into the cocks. First up Martinis, 'shaken not stirred'. These were bordering on repulsive but it brought back memories (or lack thereof) of the last time I drank this type of cock. Let's just say it was at a nice bar in Sydney where Cherry was last seen performing actual faceplants into the floor. Hot stuff, but I don't recommend trying it at home and certainly not in the public arena.

The rugby. I was going to say to check out the legs on Number 14, but he looks like he's about to squat down to take a dump. Parma Overmach are the blue and yellow.

We got off the Martinis after one and ventured onto Daquiris. Again really repulsive like cordial. Puke! But not being ones to waste alcohol we drank them. Then we went onto some kind of champers cock before heading off to the rugby.

The game was good, although it's not really my cup of tea. I don't really understand the rules and I prefer rugby league to rugby union. The eye candy was substantially lacking also.... Ho hum. But Parma did win so that was cool.

I thought this looked kind of cool. You may beg to differ.

After the game we went to Jenny's place and then hit Via Farini. By this stage I was feeling rather 'under the weather' so to speak and after just one drink declared it home time. So we all trotted back to KJ's. Not very eventful at all.

Cocks in the park with Cherry, KJ and Luca!

Sunday KJ and I chilled and watched a couple of movies. One called Knot with John Stamos. Remember him from the Full House days? He was extremely HAWT in this movie. Yum! The other one was called The Family Stone. Ridiculous. Don't go there. Not even on a triple dog dare.

Like seagulls to a chip, and flies to dog shit. So are the Days Of Our Lives....

2006-05-19T12:56:00.000+02:00

Oh yes peeps! The Resurrection of the computer downstairs in Pam & Michele's place has allowed me to get back to my Blog Whoring ways. It was not the huge problem that they originally thought. Phew! So now I can also post pics of last week's frivolity when Emma was here (they were saved on this computer).

The mirror that I hit the lady with last week (sorry lady)

This week the Mr. Wonderful Saga has continued in a very non eventful kind of way. Let me get you up to speed with that, my little pretties. Here in chronological order is the way it unfolded, or maybe remained folded because nothing really has happened.....

Me after just after the 'incident' with the mirror and fat lady.

Sunday:
I received an sms from him in the morning saying good morning and that he was going to church. I respond with call me later if you want. Obviously, he didn't 'want' because he didn't call me. hahaha! Then, like, the worse thing, like, ever happened! *HAIR FLICK* I had dropped keys back at Allie's house and was driving over to Jenny's and guess who drove past as I was turning out????? FUCK!!! I could have died! Yes, it was Mr. W. We both looked at each other but we didn't call each other or anything. Anyway, later that night I just sms'd him a 'Hi. How are you? What are you doing?' and he just replied that he was watching TV and then going to dinner with his friend. Admittedly, I was cursing myself for even sending that because I thought he hadn't responded, but the signal in Jenny's apartment is non existent unless you put it right at the front window and even then not so crash hot. So he had replied, I just didn't get it until later.

This girl (waitress) is a complete bitch. We had to document it. She was SO fucking rude, not just to us, but to everyone

Monday: NOTHING!

This pic is not so great, but the ass sitting behind that thing with the red hair it the one that was snapping me on his cell phone. The others are in his posse drinking from bowls.

Tuesday: I sent an sms. NO RESPONSE!

Me. Before he started taking pics. I personally am loving the double chin look.

Wednesday: NOTHING!

Emma and I at the soccer match

Thursday: I decided the day before that enough was enough and that I'd just send an sms saying I'd be over to collect my belongings. I really can do without the mind fucks after my ex boyfriend and that is exactly the way this is turning out. So I sms'd him and said 'I finish work at 9.30 and need to come and pick up my things. Is it okay if I come around after for 5minutes?'. He responded that I couldn't because his Nonno's brother had died and the funeral is today. So I wrote back 'Okay. When can you?'.............or what I thought was 'when can you?' (in Italian) I forgot to put the question mark in so it was what I then thought was 'When you can'. Then I arrived at the school, filled the girls in and then found out I had left out a letter in one of the words so what I had actually written was 'Okay. When then'. OMFG! Nice one Cher! If you were wanting to come across as a rude, cold hearted bitch from hell, then keep it up! But wait, because it gets worse. I then decide that I'll quickly send him an sms saying 'Sorry I meant this not that blah blah'. I forgot my fucking phone! So I wasn't able to sms him until midnight when i got home. I just wrote 'I'm really sorry. I meant to write 'When you can', not 'when then'. let me know when you're free'. *SIGH*

I couldn't decide which pic of us I liked better so I put them both up. hahaha!

I'm not trying to get back with him. Fuck that. But I just didn't want to come across as a rude bitch and then ONE! FUCKING! LETTER! screws that all up. Just because he has been rude doesn't mean I have to stoop to his level but whatever..... I'll call him on the weekend to arrange a time to go over.

Parma's Number One Fan (aka Emma)

So that's that! And before anyone says to me 'But someone died. That is the reason he hasn't contacted you' I'd just like to point out that I am extremely well versed in literary masterpieces such as 'He's Just Not That Into You' (yes, as seen on Oprah, biatches!). He has a phone, last time I saw him he had fingers, a voice box, a beating heart and *SNIFF* a cock (the last one has nothing to do with it though I just wanted to say it) so he is oh so capable of calling moi. I am a realist, some say pessamist, but I say realist. So I say to you all that there are plently more cocks where that came from! Don't cry for me Argentina. NEXT PLEASE!

That is the HORSE MEAT section in the supermarket. They EAT HORSE in Parma

Tonight I fancy going to Via Farini and I'm trying to russel up the gals. The weather is glorious and, after all, it is 'Cheat On Your Partner In Parma Night', so there will be lots of peeps out. Friday nights in Parma are when everyone goes out separately from their partners and cheats or at least checks out their options. Saturday nights are for the couples.

Via Farini. Not the greatest pic but we had to disguise that we were taking the pic of the Bitch Waitress

I'm also happy to announce that Italo has resurrected my hair straightener. It had been shorting out for a while and then finally on Monday the cord melted. Apparently it was from bending the cord. At the time it died, I didn't know whether to be more upset over Mr. Wonderful or the hair straightener. But it's back and that's fab!

Me. Loving myself sick in Mr. W's. Nothing new there.

This week I have been thinking that if there was a theme song for my life right now it would be 'We've Only Just Begun' by The Carpenters (so gay it's fabulous), mixed in while there's some MAJOR vinyl scratching happening with 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again (No Way Get Fucked Fuck Off)' by The Angels. Another feature song on the CD would def be 'Gimmie Head' by The Radiators. How could it not be there????

Emma thought this was the most hilarious park ever by me in The Terror Mobile. It caused a few stares by some old men, but I was like 'Bitches! It's, like, so totally still in the lines! So, like, kiss my ass!' And that is my ass poking out there for them to kiss.

What would your theme song be?

**I realise that the pics may interupt the actual post but it's just a cheap ploy to force you to look at each and every one. Jin: Evil World Domination has begun!

Long Time Between Blogs

2006-05-14T11:56:00.000+02:00

First and foremost, dedicated readers, I'd like you all to accept my apologies for taking so freaking long to post. A few factors have contributed to this: an international guest, the death of the computer downstairs in Pam's place, the likely death of my computer by sledgehammer if I have to use it because it is so painfully slow. This will be a rather long one methinks, so brace yourselves......

I have been entertaining an international guest, Miss Olympia aka Emma, who came over for Round Two of fun times here in Parmageddon. It was her birthday and she was hanging with her bad self in Budapest, so I demanded she get her ass back here. She arrived on Wednesday and was lucky enough to have a lesbian-esque experience on the bus on the way to The 'Ganza with a heavily bearded, fellow female commuter who kept brushing her hand against her's and blushing. Thursday was her big day, but I had to work so we just went to Allie's after work and drank and ate. On Friday night we had big plans. We were going to hit the town and really 'rock out with our cocks out' (a fave saying of Ms. Olympia's), but those huge plans never did come to fruition with the two of us curled up in bed watching the TV by 8pm. Totally hard core, I know.

On Saturday we decided to do something a little touristy and we went back to the medieval town for a bit of a look around and a beverage. On the table next to us were some weird ass, Swiss fuckers drinking wine out of bowls. Bowls! WTF?!? Maybe it was some kind of strange custom to shun the use of a glass. And maybe the fat (as in probably hasn't seen his cock in the last decade or so) balding mofo that started taking pictures of me with his cell phone despite me flipping the bird at him on several occasions and saying 'Don't fucking take pictures of me you prick' was following some kind of weird custom too. I was close to picking up the empty water bottle and throwing it at his head. I was oh so very close. But instead I chose the Diva Turn Exit and stormed off to the car.

The great unveiling of Mr. Wonderful took place on Saturday afternoon. Emma is the first person from Australia to have met Mr. Wonderful. We went out to dinner where, of course, he asked her all about her sexual experiences. Threesomes? HLA (Hot Lesbian Action)? Anal? No stone was left unturned. He then trotted off to the discoteque and we went to Via Farini and met some of the other teachers for drinks and saw some peeps banging bongo drums in some kind of procession. I know not what it was in aide of.

Sunday morning came and we were gagging to get a bit of sport pumping through our veins. Parma was playing Milan that afternoon and it was going to be a sellout. We weren't sure if we would be able to get tickets because it was the last match of the season here in Parma and there are alot of Milan supporters here in Parma. A pact was made between the two of us that we would be willing to suck cock if it meant securing a couple of tickets. Much to our dismay, it didn't come to that. We got tickets without having to get down on bended knee. A bit disappointing considering we were looking forward to getting some pre game cock in mouth action. The weather was steaming hot, the beer gave us a headache and Parma lost, but we still had a great time.I bought a flag which I think I waved once and Emma bought a jersey and was looking hot to trot. We met up with Matteo and some of his friends and then met up with Jenny afterwards for a quick beverage at the Tapas Bar. We kicked on to Mr. W's and on the way back from the church he bought us icecream. How lovely of him!

The Parma Supporters.

Ms. Olympia left yesterday morning after a night of high drama. I'm thinking of changing Mr. W's name. Look at the list I have managed to come up with, read the story and then decide which one suits him the best.

The List of Possible Names:

Mr. Green Light Red Light
Mr. Hot Cold Hot Cold
Mr. I Don't Know What The Fuck I Want
Mr. Stop Trying To Control My Life

I think Mr. W is a serious contender for the next Oscar for Best Dramatic Performance. This is a bit of a long story but I need to tell you all of the facts so the picture is clear. On Thursday night I said to him 'Tomorrow is Emma's last night so do you want to go out for dinner?', to which he replied 'Yes'. Friday 5.30pm rocked around and he called and said 'I'm going out with my friend for dinner'. WTF? Usually, this kind of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest, but we had everything ready to go to his place after I had finished work etc and it was Emma's last night. So I just thought it was a little on the rude side.

After I hung up on him I called him back (I have been known to do this in the past as well, not with Mr. W, but the concept defies logic. Why hang up on someone and then call them back?). I said to him in a calm voice 'I asked you not once but twice last night if you were coming to dinner and you answered not once but twice that yes you would be coming out to dinner. And now you're saying you're not coming'. Then Mr. W decided that then was an appropriate time to get smart and answered 'So what is the problem? You can't eat dinner?' hahahaha! Score one Mr. W! Although at the time I was not laughing. He later sms'd me and said for us to go there at 7.30pm for dinner. I sent an sms back saying 'I'm working until 8.30pm. We'll get ready at your place and then go out. See you at 8.30'. During the drive to the school, we decided just to change the whole plan and go and hang at Allie's instead, since Mr. W was being a pain in the ass. When I finished work I called him to advise him of the change of plans and to go hang with his friend. He then told me that he had cancelled his plans and that he was waiting for us to have dinner at his house. I said Allie was having dinner with us too and that we were going to go to her house instead.

Cherry & Mr. W.

(Cher tries out new 'fringe hair look', Mr. W. had his man period that night too. I think it's a weekly thing)

Suddenly, going out for dinner turns into dinner at his place (at his insistence) and then when he got home from church he upped the anti, putting on the performance of his life. Declaring loudly at the stove to Emma that 'Tomorrow he would change his life'. How exactly, was not clear, but he continued with the bad manners and rude behaviour for the next half an hour. I say half an hour, because that is the length of time that we stayed there. When we were eating dinner I asked him what was wrong. 'I speak to you tomorrow'. Sorry fucker. Guess again, we'll speak now about this now since your being such an asshole in front of my friends. We all got our shit together (including vodka and tonic supplies) and Allie and Emma headed for the door whilst I stayed to 'chat' with Mr. W. The funny thing was that Mr. W was genuinely bewildered as to why we were ditching the dinner and got out of there. He must have been oblivious to the tension he had created.

Anyway, I stayed behind for a talk with him. And by talk I mean, him talking and not listening to a word that I said and him talking over the top of me. Apparently, it turns out he wanted some space and wanted to be alone that night. So why insist that we come over for dinner when the original plan was to go out? I'm still confused over this whole thing. I just don't understand. I think he thinks I'm trying to control his life and that has pissed me off because that is so not me. I'm a live and let live kinda gal.

I needed confirmation that I am not a control freak and sms'd my ex bf to ask him if I was like that. He replied that it was one thing I couldn't be accused of and that maybe Mr. W needs to change his diet and exercise program to allow more seratonin to his brain. hahaha. Loves it!

Maybe I should change his name to Ms. Wonderful because he is really carrying like a girl.

I haven't seen him since then but he just sms'd me so I don't know if I'll be seeing him later today. I certainly won't be the one to suggest a ren dez vous for fear of giving the impression that I am smothering him. hahaha. Oh Mr. W, for the love of god, let's attempt to regain the realness!!

On a lighter note, I sideswiped a fat lady decked out in aquamarine last Thursday. That kind of thing can happen when you step out onto the road in front of a car. Luckily no injuries were sustained by either the mirror or the fat lady. In fact, she didn't even appear to notice........

Thanks for your patience, biatches. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I'll also be posting pics of the swiss fat fuck and another bitch waitress on Via Farini that have made my hit list. Mr. W's pic might yet make that list. Stand by peeps.

May Day

2006-05-02T14:10:00.000+02:00

We were up with the cocks this morning, peeps. Literally. The cocks were cock a doodle doo'ing when Mr. Wonderful and I dragged ourselves out of bed and made the trek back from the mountains and into civilisation.

Mr. Wonderful and one of the boys' younger sister

Yesterday was my very first May Day celebration and I went with the boys around on the bus. The boys actually left in the morning and I jumped on about midday. At first I thought I may die from all of the grown men singing accompanied by accordions, but I actually loved it! The bus takes everyone around to different villages and the men sing and the people in the houses put on food and wine. So I just walked around drinking, eating and shooting the breeze with the guys. What more could I ask for?

At a villager's house

When we got back to the village that we stay in I went to bed and Mr. Wonderful rocked on, putting in a solid 12 hours of drinking. He wasn't feeling so fabulous this morning though. For some reason I found this completely hilarious. I could not stop laughing when he said 'Amore. I die' over and over again whilst groaning in pain.

The festivities continue

We also went fishing in the rain. We went to a river that flowed through some beautiful country and Mr. Wonderful did catch a fish, but nothing to write home about.

The beginning of May also marks the beginning of a health kick.....or so I thought. Miss Olympia returns for her birthday and when there's an international guest in da house fun times are the priority. Although I will still be exercising in an effort to rid myself of this 'two pigs under a blanket' look I have happening with this ass o' mine.

Lettin' the Good Times Roll

2006-04-26T13:17:00.000+02:00

The view of the river Baganza from the mountain we were shooting on.

Okay, so I haven't blogged for a bit. Monday and Tuesday were holidays here so that meant fun times were to be had peeps. On Friday afternoon I went for a run with Matteo and then spent the night in getting some rest before daybreak when we were going shooting. Yes, I realise this is not everyone's cup of tea. Shooting and all that jazz, but each to their own. I had never been before so it was something I wanted to experience. I did shoot the gun once. This was the first time I had ever shot a gun and it was fabulous. The trigger wasn't as hard as what I thought it would be. And the kickback wasn't too bad either. I told Mr. Wonderful next year I'm getting me one of those rifles, whacking on the cammo's and getting out there and getting amongst it. There was a bit of a mix up at one stage though with a fellow hunter calling out 'Vieni qua brutta putana' (Come here bad slut). For a minute I thought he was talking to me but it turned out he was calling his dog.

Nonno rocks my world.

'I like her. We can't really understand each other but we like each other'

(quote from Nonno on Saturday)

After shooting we went to Via Farini for a beverage with friends. Via Farini is a hot spot in downtown Parma. It's the place to be seen and it's all about 'Ciao Ragazzi'ing , double air kisses and getting the Gucci gear out. It was my first time there and we went again last night. There was a concert on in the piazza and it was packed like a black man's undies. Every Parmagiano and their dog was out and about for the festa.

The peeps in the Jeep

The rest of the weekend was quite domesticated and coupley. Seriously, a few times I thought I may throw up because of the whole scene. We went out for dinner with two other couples, we went and bought things for the house and yesterday morning his cleaner came over to clean the terrace. For some reason I had an urge to *SHUDDER* perform manual labour and cleaned out the fridge and rearranged the cupboards. Yes, first I take over the cupboards, next: Evil World Domination. Mr. Wonderful also claimed to be doing 'alots of works' but all I saw him do was scratch his crotch a few times and rearrange his porn drawer. Whilst doing this 'alots of works' he did find me this Columbian bracelet though. I think it's cool.

Nothing much else except before we went out for dinner with the other couples we went to a medieval town. We went into an antique shop which doubled as a house for an eccentric man and his wife. It was quite cool because it had an actual well with water in it in the kitchen. As quick as you can say 'crotch' he was pouring everyone a glass of champers and entertaining the peeps with stories of the house and his daughter who happened to be crowned Miss Italia a few years ago. I have included some pics of the town for your viewing pleasure, dear reader.

A Small Fucking Break..........

2006-04-20T14:08:00.000+02:00

...........that's all I ask for. Because changing the name of 'Fairy Penguins' to 'Little Penguins' for fear of offending the gay community is really just taking it to a whole new level......

Actually it's not all I ask for. I also ask for a pair of Chanel sunglasses to join the Gucci and Dior's so I'm getting them. I tried them on when I went to Mantova a while back and was going to buy them but decided to think about it for a while. I hadn't thought about them for a while and then on Friday night I dreamt about them. This was a sign, I was so sure of it. I asked Mr. Wonderful if he, too, thought it was a sign that I must have them. He said no, but that he would buy them for me anyway......should I mention the boob job I dreamt about on Monday night????

The Chanel Numbers

The Gucci Numbers

The Dior Numbers

This week has been relatively uneventful apart from Tuesday night when I arrived at Mr. Wonderful's house so hungry I could've chewed the crotch out of a ragdoll. I had been expecting dinner ready and waiting, but when I walked through the door I saw a mop leaning against the wall. The conclusion that I immediately jumped to was that Mr. Wonderful had been *SHUDDER* performing manual labour, as in cleaning the apartment. As it turns out he'd been so engrossed in the soccer match on the television that the sink in the kitchen had runneth over. He stood there naked apart from his slippers and explained to me in his gorgeous broken English 'I hear a funny sound, but I don't think because I watch the game. I'm am very dangerous man this night, amore.' and laughed. Too cute!

Easter Fun!

2006-04-18T13:57:00.000+02:00

This picture is taken from the terrace off the room we stayed in.

I hope everyone had a great Easter break, as did I!

Friday night started the weekend off well with Mr. Wonderful dancing around the stove whilst cooking me dinner, singing 'I love you Renee! Yes I do! I love Renee!'

On Saturday we set off for the mountains stopping along the way to quench our thirst for vino. Mr. Wonderful rents a couple of rooms above the bar in this one horse town and everyone there is like family to him. He hasn't been there for six months and was greeted with 'We thought you were dead' and the like.

Some of the peeps and me

It's amazing because this town is just one hour from Parma, but you'd think it was like five hours from the next town. The way of life is completely different. The men all go to the bar and drink and play cards all day long. On Saturday, when we arrived, that's what we did too. Well, I didn't play cards, but I drank and chatted in my spectacular Italian with the locals. We had dinner at a restaurant and the food was divine!

The card playing. Mr W. is the one at the front

On Sunday after we visited a nearby town we did the same thing again. Drank, played cards and chatted with the locals. There was one extra activity that was thrown into the mix on this day though and that was singing. Yes, these men love to sing. But when they cracked out the accordions I knew it was time to run for cover. Seriously, I learnt my lesson from this kind of thing in France. I just thanked my lucky stars there were no bagpipes laying around. At the village hoe down in France last year my ears nearly started to bleed and whenever we heard bagpipes after that we all got the hell out of there quick smart.

The bar.

The next two weeks will be psychological preparation for the May Day celebrations that will be going down in the village. Every year the men board a bus and go to another village and walk and drink and sing and play the accordions all the way back to their village. I think that's the way it works anyway (the photos everywhere in the bar show all the men walking and shit). Mr. Wonderful has put in a special request that I, The Cherry Bomb, be allowed to go where no person of the female variety has gone before. Namely, he has requested permission for moi to board that bus and join in with the festivities. I think the boss of the day is thinking about it. The boys seem to think that this won't be possible 'because we'll be drinking'. Mr. Wonderful told them that I drink more than them and that I should be allowed to go. I await the verdict, but I'm not holding my breath. These are country folk that don't like these blokey events invaded by females sniffing around.

All in all a fabulous weekend! Thank you Mr. Wonderful! You are the best!

Amen Sista!

2006-04-14T11:28:00.000+02:00

I wasn't going to post today, but I took a couple of pics of Mr Wonderful's street and I wanted to put them on here. I have been meaning to take some for a while. Mainly because when I leave in the morning I like the shadowing (on the first one anyway) and light combined with the colours of the houses.

I'm feeling a little better today. There were those few things irritating me but I think I'm almost over it....Phew! I seriously need to chill the fuck out sometimes. Sometimes if I was anymore relaxed my heart would probably stop, but sometimes things get to me. Cracks in this perfect life start to appear and I feel like exploding. Not unlike a Cherry Bomb. hahaha.

Mr Wonderful and I are off to church tonight for Good Friday. I know you're probably thinking 'What is that cock sucking, crotch perving, slutty sinner and her swinging boyfriend rocking onto the holy house for?'. Good Friday is pretty much the only day that I go to church, being the good Catholic that I am. He died for us, so it's only fair. Sometimes I go on Easter Sunday too. Mr Wonderful goes to some volunteer thing every Friday night to talk to the peeps that less off than him. He also went last Sunday to get some olive branches. I had planned to go but opted instead to give him something to talk about with the priest in the confession booth (think cock, think mouth) before sending him on his way and kicking back to watch WWE on the television. I'm glad I did because it soon came to light that it was like a stampede with all the old ladies trampling each other to get their god fearing mits on some olive branch. Forget the Running of the Bulls try the Trampling of the Nonnas.

After church we're going to drink with the peeps and then tomorrow we're off to the mountains. With all this mountaineering I've been doing it's lucky I've been practicing my yodelling. I'm thinking of turning professional with this number:

There's a party on the hill

Would you like to come?

Yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-hee-hoo

Bring your own bread and butter

And your own fat bum

Yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-ee, yodell-aa-hee-loo

It's hard to spell the sound of yodelling, but I'm sure you get the idea. If you don't get the idea put a cock and your mouth and make a gargling sort of sound or something. It's kind of similar.

Where are you Serenity?

2006-04-13T11:49:00.000+02:00

There are a few things getting to me this week. 'What Cher? Trouble in Paradise?' I hear you all sing. Nah. I'm just a bit tired and need to get things off my desperately-in-need-of-a-boob-job-chest.

* Don't step on my toes. You're pissing me off.
* Mind your own fucking business for a fucking change.
* Stop the whole ego tripping, I'm the organiser, they're my friends not your friends high school fucking bullshit when you know we're all going to end up going anyway so what difference does it make? Please!
* Everyone stop telling me what to do and let me call the shots once in a while.
* I hate tight asses. (I'm talking about the money variety not actual tight asses)

Ah! That feels a bit better! And actually before any of you jump to the wrong conclusion only one of them is loosely directed at Mr. Wonderful, but not only at him (hence the use of the word 'everyone' hehehe), to a couple of other peeps too.

On a lighter note, last night I went to Stefano's leaving party after teaching. It was so much fun! I had a great time and will be hanging with those guys more often! Stefano was quite touchy feely and some of the boys were laying bets on he and I getting it on. Matteo was flirtatious and I flirted back. I love to flirt. And Andrea was keen to get the 'real' English lessons underway. Namely, sex, threesomes, gang bangs and, of course, cocks. We drank and laughed. Oooooh, how we laughed! And then I actually came home to my own apartment in The 'Ganza! Shock! Horror! And guess what? I actually woke up still breathing depsite the fact that I did not wake up next to Mr. Wonderful! Amazing! But he sent me an sms saying 'Good morning. Kiss you!' first thing which put a smile on my face.

Here is a pic taken on Monday morning. I was driving back from Mr. Wonderful's house and the sun looked great, but I couldn't stop to take a pic of it. So when I got home I took a shot of the sun just outside my house. The colour could be a bit better but I still like it.

Happy Easter everyone!

Would you like some crotch with that?

2006-04-11T10:17:00.001+02:00

Depending on how long you've been reading my blog you may / may not know that if I ever went on a television game show my introduction would go something like this:

'Our next contestant is Cherry. She a part time English teacher who enjoys looking at crotches and talking about cocks.'

Anyway, I thought it was high time I delivered on the lingering promise of crotch shots and ordered Mr Wonderful to strike a pose. I captured his bod coupled with crotch but have left out his face (mainly so I have one more Full Face Friday up my sleeve).

When this crotch hits your eye like a big pizza pie

That's Amore!

The weekend was great. We did quite a bit. Ran in the park, I gave him a massage, he had the boys over for dinner and I cooked dinner at Kiwi Jenny's for the Gal Pals.

On Sunday we went for lunch at the Nonna & Nonno's again. Upon arriving I was quizzed by Nonno as to whether we were having sex every day, when I was going hunting and then asked if I'd like to move into the spare apartment there. Then his Dad rocked in, straddled me and said 'Ciao. Tutto bene?'. Smooth operator! By the end of the lunch his father had asked me to move in with him for two months so he can learn english, and Nonno had slipped some Grappa into my coffee which made it taste like petrol (but I still drank it, in case you're wondering).

Last night I taught the group of eight guys that I teach every Monday night. I didn't feel much like teaching and they didn't feel like learning. The lesson was ssupposed to be on 'Meetings' and when they found out about Mr. Wonderful (one of them asked what I did on the weekend) they wanted to know everything. So we really did speak about 'Meetings' just a different kind. Matteo said the lesson was 'Listening Comprehension'. Fine by me. But I did teach them one verb 'to pick up' (as in at a bar). When I got to the part about having lunch with the family they errupted 'OOOOOOOH!!!!! Renee!!!! You're engaged!' Ha! How come no one told moi?

Stefano is leaving the company so they gave me the invitation for his leaving do on Wednesday night. They are playing a game of soccer and then having dinner. It also says that in between there will be water bombs thrown so the girls must wear white t-shirts. I'm about to send an sms to Matteo saying I'll wear a white t-shirt as long as all the men wear white underpants and I can throw water bombs at their crotches. If they're going to see my 'barely there chest' I'd like to cop an eyeful of crotch!

Full Face Friday

2006-04-07T09:09:00.000+02:00

Half Nekkid Thursday will be loooooooong forgotten with the introduction of FULL FACE FRIDAY!
Here is my pic for those of you that demanded it. Yeah, it's for all two of you.... It's with the fabulous Nonna Wonderful taken last Sunday at the luncheon. It's not the greatest of me, but you get the general idea, no doubt.

Now if you can drag your eyes away from the pictured beauty above (that's ME I'm talking about) I'll tell you a bit about my week....

It has pretty much been a very trying week for The Cherry Bomb, to say the least. Here are some of the Lowlights:

* I haven't been feeling well all week and as such have been close to a nervous breakdown (slight exaggeration for dramatic effect)

*Road rage on several occasions this week. Several horn blowing, bird flipping incidents by Yours Truly to some very special mobile freak shows driving around town.

*The general realisation that, yes indeed, the majority of people WERE in fact put on this earth to annoy the effing crap out of me. There have been many factors hinting at this over my 29 years of life but it only just sunk in finally this week.

*My nose has been hurting like I have racked up and snorted a kilo of Draino. Ouch!

And the Highlights:

*I made an octopus salad with rocket and feta with a dressing of lemon juice, olive oil and mint. I hadn't made it for a long time but after devouring this sensational culinary delight I'm going to be whipping it up more often. I urge you to do the same!

*I have been waking up every day beside Mr Wonderful and that's always fabulous!

*On Wednesday night Mr Wonderful went to his friend's place for dinner and, of course, on the way out the door uttered those famous last words 'I won't be drinking tonight, Amore'. I think they may have heard me laughing up there in Milano, sweeties! Needless to say, 4.45am he rolls through the door as drunk as a skunk. Hahahaha! Too funny! Then a couple of short hours later when I was getting ready to leave he kept yelling from the bedroom in his broken, hung over English 'Renee, I want to stay with you'. I said 'I can't I have to go to work'. He said 'No! I want to stay with you every day for my whole life'. God love him! *SQUEAL*

*Despite not feeling too good I have still been walking around singing Dean Martin's 'That's Amore' and also that song called 'My Guy'. You know that one that goes 'Nothing you can do can tear me away from My Guy...' I'm even making myself want to throw up. When did I turn into a glass half FULL person???

*I also gave Mr Wonderful a remedial massage and he was impressed. I forgot how much I enjoyed massaging so I'm going to get back into it! Yeehaa!

Eventhough the week was kind of crappy my life rocks, so I don't have much to complain about.

This weekend should be a good one. Nothing really planned so the plan is To Relax. Aaaaah! I hope the weather is glorious! Oh yeah, and I'm meeting Mama Wonderful.... Full report next week!

Enjoy FULL FACE FRIDAY and have a great weekend!

Cherry Goes Global

Fab weekend gone and another on the way!

Out on the Tiles!

PRAGUE HERE I COME!!!

Global Whoring Part One

Sluts Inc Slide Show

A Tale From Hvar

Cherry Goes Mobile

See you Sydney sluts later! Get your cocks out London boys!

What's been going down......

Interview questions from jin FINALLY get answered!!!

That's hot!

Finally! The pictures.....

Remain calm people..........

The calm before the storm.....

Cherry's Box

BEST.DANCE.PARTY.EVER! *hair flick*

Puttin' the HO back into the festive season: Cherry! Style

Bloggolympics Champion Of The World!!!

The Cherry Lays..........Bets.

Pissed Cunt / Walker - A game for the entire family!

Sorry about that....

The Bloggest Loser Launch

'My body is a movie and your penis is the star!'

Cherry's an Addict

Does my butt look big in this colour?

Press Release

Give it up for The Cherry!

The Key to True Happiness

Cock or Two?

The New *Angelic* Look

Lights! Camera! Action!

Malaria anyone???

A quick hello from the dessert, sweeties!

The Cherry Presents..........

The Cherry Presents.........

The Cherry Presents.......

Hello Little Cherubs!

Hello Little Cherubs! (Part Two)

My Last Weekend!!!!

Hung Like A Horse

All pray to the Vino.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!

Cherry Goes To Rome

Yo....'sup?!?!?!?!!

Ciao peeps!

Florence: City of Cocks

The week.

This week The Cherry on Top goes to CHERRY!!!!!!

Ho'ing around, embracing the cock.

Oh the excitement! Oh the exhileration! Oh the anticipation!

A decision????? Maybe.........

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck to Our Boy!

Another Piece of The Cherry

Just to get you up to speed.

How to Win Friends & Influence People (according to The Cherry)

Midweek Dance Off and Dating

The Plot Thickens......

It's like they say.....

Fractured Ears & Lock Jaw With A Crotch On Top

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exposing The Cherry

Good Times & Happy Days Recipe

Red Card, My Friend, Red Card

Chasing Cars

Saltwater & Sailing (or lack thereof)

Gone Sailing, Sweetie!

Stacey & Cherry Versus Italia

Packing, Baking, Dating & Getting My Groove Back.

C is for Cherry!

Shakira Sucks Cock

Cocks in the Park

Like seagulls to a chip, and flies to dog shit. So are the Days Of Our Lives....

Long Time Between Blogs

May Day

Lettin' the Good Times Roll

A Small Fucking Break..........

Easter Fun!

Amen Sista!

BEST.DANCE.PARTY.EVER! hair flick

The New Angelic Look