Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Packing, Baking, Dating & Getting My Groove Back.

Saturday night resulted in a fat lip and it's still a bit bruised. Not so sure how it actually happened though...I don't think it's from the gay homosexual I was seen pashing on with for most of the night at the discoteque. Allow me to elaborate, Dear Reader. Fuscia singlet PLUS diamonted motif SCREAMS gaylord to me.

International relations were somewhat enhanced between Australia and America that night when I also met a lovely rugby player, who for the sake of the blog we'll call Paul. Mainly because his name is Paul. Bod to die for! Mmmm... Alas! He leaves for the States on Saturday and I'm off galavanting around this fine country. Maybe Round Two will be on the cards when and if he returns. Only time will tell.

I also have a date tonight with someone called Jeanpaul. I'm really not sure if it's Gaylord In Fuscia or if it's some other random that successfully extracted my number from me. I may take The Wench's (gal pal from Aus) and don a scarf and baggy hat in readiness for a 'walk by' if he turns out to be below par. But I have a bit of a sore throat (no, not from cock in mouth action) so I am thinking of cancelling. I'll see how I feel later on in the day. I'm kind of nervous because not only is it a 'blind-ish date' but because it's going to require parlo'ing Italiano which isn't exactly my forte, if the truth be told.

**Okay I'm writing this just before posting and can't bothered rewriting (the above). Gaylord In Fucsia (if it's him) sms'd to say it was pissing down at his place at about 7pm and to say he'd see how the rain was at 9.30 when we were supposed to meet. I was thrilled and had secretly hoped for a cancellation. Wednesday night is a little too hard core for me. I'm thinking with this guy (again, whomever he may be) I need a Friday night on Via Farini with many a peep around. In case the going gets tough, we both have other peeps to fall back on / escape to. So the story goes that when I actually said 'Another day is cool, but I can't see you for two weeks' he was like 'omg! two weeks but I can see you next week'. I was like 'it's just because i'm galavanting'. Mind you all of these messgaes were in Ital, my responses being of the rather ridiculously broken style. Oh how I try! So then he wrote back 'Okay, well we'll see how the rain goes'. What a surprise that I received a message from him during my class saying he could make it. My student hung around a bit to help me concoct a story to send later. The story is that I didn't finish until 10.30 and perhaps I may be able to meet him next Friday evening because I'm coming back that night to Parma before leaving the following week. Take it or leave it sunshine! I'm bending over backwards to keep your dream alive. Ha! Doubt I'll hear from him again. Sorry pal, but don't leave it until the last minute to say 'game on'. The Cherry ain't having it! He's probably the love of my life. But I guess if he was I'd probably have some faint idea of who he was.....hmmmmm....

Tomorrow morning I'm off to Florence! Hoorah! I have been waiting for this for such a long time and I cannot wait! I'm feeling the need to chill out, let loose and have a merry old time. I think there will be lots of crotch watching at the MotoGP. I can feel it! On Saturday night I got my groove back, so I’m sensing danger down there in Florence! Yeehaa!

** Also written after. SHIT! Why was I not put on this earth to pack fucking light? Please! Someone answer me this. I once went away for three days and took seven pairs of shoes (one pair of slippers and one pair of slides for the pool included. Slides weren't utilised). I have four bags. Don't get excited peeps. Let me explain. One bag, that I'm ashamed to be taking, has 5 pairs of shoes and another I'll be wearing one. A small suitcase carries clothes. Fifty thousand tops to be combined with very limited bottoms are included. Another filled with cosmetics. These happen to be the bain of my existence. I can go away for just one day and the cosmetics will take up more room. And then after that there's the large handbag with the small Burberry hangbag inside. I'm really hoping some well hung, handsome stranger with girth offers to help me with all of my luggage, but if not I'm sure I'll survive. On the way there at least. On the way back I'm not so sure.

Jin, I did bake The Elvis Presley Pound Cake (my mother thought that name was fall down on the floor and chortle until the cows come home funny) and I thank you (my ass doesn't) for the recipe! I think I could have cooked it slightly longer, just for the middle to be done a bit more, but I was afraid that the rest of the cake would go dry. It turned out magnificently! I left it downstairs in Pam and Michele's apartment, sans one piece devoured by moi, with a note saying 'Save The Whale Campaign' with a short blurb begging them to save me from turning into a whale by keeping the cake and eating it. I ate another piece this morning though! Too yummy! I'll be making it again that's for sure! Thanks again EWD partner! BTW I have a pic of it (albeit half because the othe half got eaten prior to consumption) but Blogger and these two computers have been jarring me in the rectal region all day long. 'Half your luck', I hear you all say. 'Without lube?' I retort, 'Not pretty!'

Before I Peace Out to my last note, which is a serious one, may I apologise for not being able to post the three pics I had planned to (that fucking cake is one of the pics included, my ass tripling in size by the second was not!!), but seriously knowing that the gods are really reacihng down with their throbbing members today and giving it to me is more than enough to give me the screaming shits.

For the love of God, keep it fucking real!
It ain't worth not bein' real.

Love you all!
Cher xxx

On a more serious note, a blog friend of mine has passed away. Larry (Farmboy) you will missed by everyone who knew you. Rest In Peace.

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Friday, May 26, 2006

C is for Cherry!

Lush tagged me and I was blessed with the letter 'C'. Since Claudia has completed her list I was suddenly inspired to do the same. You're only supposed to do 10 but my list may take on a life of it's own. You've been warned.....

The sunrise taken from the balcony off my bedroom

Cock - Yeah, as if you didn't guess that was going to be first on the list. Just yesterday I set the wallpaper on my cell phone to a pic of a cock as an affirmation. So everytime I receieve a message or a phone call I think to myself 'Cherry there is more cock on the horizon'. Does anyone want my number so they can constantly send me sms's????

Crotch Watching - I love crotches and crotch watching. My name is Cherry and I am a perv.

Crotch Riders - This is terminology I learnt the other day whilst reading JD's blog, that means motorbikes. Next week I'm off to the Motorbike Grand Prix in Mugello (just outside of Florence) for three days. Motor sports aren't really my thing, but when Stacey told me that we actually had PIT PASSES for the entire three days suddenly my interest soared. Look out for the post 'Wild Weekend' in the not so distant future. Hopefully there will, indeed, be hot and 'Grand Prix' aplenty in attendance.

Cabana Boy(s) - After the crotch riders I'll be off to hang on the beach at Forte Dei Marmi for June. I did see cabanas when we went to check out houses and put two and two together. Cabanas mean there must be Cabana Boys sniffing around.

The Phosgene Kid requested pics of the countryside. I stopped the Terror Mobile on the side of the road the other day to take this shot. It didn't turn oput as well as I would've liked because of the sun, but I still think it's nice. I'll take more this weekend for you, Kid!

Cruising - As in cruising the high seas. For a week in June I'll be off to go sailing in Sardinia. Yipee! Apparently it is spectacular there. I. Cannot. Wait.

Christian Dior - One of the swimming costumes I'll be attempting to fit into during the summer. It ain't gonna be pretty peeps........

Cardiovascular Exercise - I'm trying to increase the amount of times I do this each week so I'm not completely embarressed whilst wearing the abovementioned swimming costume.

Cheese - My consumption of this basically cancels out any effect cardio may be having on my body.

Chianti, Champers & Cocks - When in doubt, drink alcohol.

Another sunrise

Cupid - I think this little bastard needs get a bit of target practice in for when he's flinging those arrows my way.

Charming (of the Prince variety) - Like I commented on Kris' blog the other day. When this guy finally does rock in, I'm gonna kick his ass for taking so long.

Contact - Yes! Contact has been made with Mr. Wanker formally known as Mr. Wonderful. Not direct contact with me. Oh no! That would be too mature. That would mean actually behaving like an adult. Mr. W. decided to take it upon himself to contact KJ and tell her that he would drop my things off to her place and what time would she be home. KJ said that she wasn't getting involved and that he had to contact me and ask if it was fine for him to drop everything over to her place. He said it was just a bag of CD's to which she replied quite forcefully (knowing that it wasn't only CD's that I'd left there) that if he wanted to drop everything over then he must contact me first. hahahaha! I await the sms. I may be waiting a while because it seems that he can't handle The Cherry's wrath! (insert Evil World Domination laugh here). So I'll be sms'ing him at a later stage and giving him a list of the things I have there and then will be getting him to drop everything over to KJ's. I'll be there when the 'drop off' takes place to make sure everything is there and, of course, to watch him squirm. Clearly, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to see me or even respond to my sms's so I think this will be quite a fun filled way to end the saga that was.....

**'C' is also for camera so please enjoy the pics!

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Shakira Sucks Cock

It looks as if Shakira and I have something in common, namely 'Oral Fixation'. But if she really did have an 'Oral Fixation' then surely it would mean that she would shut up, like, forever and go and fixate herself orally to someone.

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Monday, May 22, 2006

Cocks in the Park

Yet again another fabulous weekend here in Parma! Me stepping out for Cheat On Your Partner In Parma Night didn't quite come to fruition and I ended up just cruising home and relaxing. BORING! I was hoping for lots of crotch watching with a sprinkling of naughtiness. Alas! 'Twasn't to be.

KJ and I in the park

On Saturday I prettied myself up and rocked over to Kiwi Jenny's for lunch and, of course, vino. We danced and sang to some 70's tracks and then went to meet Luca in the park. KJ just lives around the corner from Mr. W so it was suggested that we key his car and continue to do so until he gives me back my belongings. It's beyond me why he is keeping a pair of my high heeled boots hostage.

I digress.

We arrived at the bar in the middle of the park, exchanged greetings with Luca and got stuck straight into the cocks. First up Martinis, 'shaken not stirred'. These were bordering on repulsive but it brought back memories (or lack thereof) of the last time I drank this type of cock. Let's just say it was at a nice bar in Sydney where Cherry was last seen performing actual faceplants into the floor. Hot stuff, but I don't recommend trying it at home and certainly not in the public arena.

The rugby. I was going to say to check out the legs on Number 14, but he looks like he's about to squat down to take a dump. Parma Overmach are the blue and yellow.

We got off the Martinis after one and ventured onto Daquiris. Again really repulsive like cordial. Puke! But not being ones to waste alcohol we drank them. Then we went onto some kind of champers cock before heading off to the rugby.

The game was good, although it's not really my cup of tea. I don't really understand the rules and I prefer rugby league to rugby union. The eye candy was substantially lacking also.... Ho hum. But Parma did win so that was cool.

I thought this looked kind of cool. You may beg to differ.

After the game we went to Jenny's place and then hit Via Farini. By this stage I was feeling rather 'under the weather' so to speak and after just one drink declared it home time. So we all trotted back to KJ's. Not very eventful at all.

Cocks in the park with Cherry, KJ and Luca!

Sunday KJ and I chilled and watched a couple of movies. One called Knot with John Stamos. Remember him from the Full House days? He was extremely HAWT in this movie. Yum! The other one was called The Family Stone. Ridiculous. Don't go there. Not even on a triple dog dare.

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Friday, May 19, 2006

Like seagulls to a chip, and flies to dog shit. So are the Days Of Our Lives....

Oh yes peeps! The Resurrection of the computer downstairs in Pam & Michele's place has allowed me to get back to my Blog Whoring ways. It was not the huge problem that they originally thought. Phew! So now I can also post pics of last week's frivolity when Emma was here (they were saved on this computer).

The mirror that I hit the lady with last week (sorry lady)

This week the Mr. Wonderful Saga has continued in a very non eventful kind of way. Let me get you up to speed with that, my little pretties. Here in chronological order is the way it unfolded, or maybe remained folded because nothing really has happened.....

Me after just after the 'incident' with the mirror and fat lady.

Sunday:
I received an sms from him in the morning saying good morning and that he was going to church. I respond with call me later if you want. Obviously, he didn't 'want' because he didn't call me. hahaha! Then, like, the worse thing, like, ever happened! *HAIR FLICK* I had dropped keys back at Allie's house and was driving over to Jenny's and guess who drove past as I was turning out????? FUCK!!! I could have died! Yes, it was Mr. W. We both looked at each other but we didn't call each other or anything. Anyway, later that night I just sms'd him a 'Hi. How are you? What are you doing?' and he just replied that he was watching TV and then going to dinner with his friend. Admittedly, I was cursing myself for even sending that because I thought he hadn't responded, but the signal in Jenny's apartment is non existent unless you put it right at the front window and even then not so crash hot. So he had replied, I just didn't get it until later.

This girl (waitress) is a complete bitch. We had to document it. She was SO fucking rude, not just to us, but to everyone

Monday: NOTHING!

This pic is not so great, but the ass sitting behind that thing with the red hair it the one that was snapping me on his cell phone. The others are in his posse drinking from bowls.

Tuesday: I sent an sms. NO RESPONSE!

Me. Before he started taking pics. I personally am loving the double chin look.

Wednesday: NOTHING!

Emma and I at the soccer match

Thursday: I decided the day before that enough was enough and that I'd just send an sms saying I'd be over to collect my belongings. I really can do without the mind fucks after my ex boyfriend and that is exactly the way this is turning out. So I sms'd him and said 'I finish work at 9.30 and need to come and pick up my things. Is it okay if I come around after for 5minutes?'. He responded that I couldn't because his Nonno's brother had died and the funeral is today. So I wrote back 'Okay. When can you?'.............or what I thought was 'when can you?' (in Italian) I forgot to put the question mark in so it was what I then thought was 'When you can'. Then I arrived at the school, filled the girls in and then found out I had left out a letter in one of the words so what I had actually written was 'Okay. When then'. OMFG! Nice one Cher! If you were wanting to come across as a rude, cold hearted bitch from hell, then keep it up! But wait, because it gets worse. I then decide that I'll quickly send him an sms saying 'Sorry I meant this not that blah blah'. I forgot my fucking phone! So I wasn't able to sms him until midnight when i got home. I just wrote 'I'm really sorry. I meant to write 'When you can', not 'when then'. let me know when you're free'. *SIGH*

I couldn't decide which pic of us I liked better so I put them both up. hahaha!

I'm not trying to get back with him. Fuck that. But I just didn't want to come across as a rude bitch and then ONE! FUCKING! LETTER! screws that all up. Just because he has been rude doesn't mean I have to stoop to his level but whatever..... I'll call him on the weekend to arrange a time to go over.

Parma's Number One Fan (aka Emma)

So that's that! And before anyone says to me 'But someone died. That is the reason he hasn't contacted you' I'd just like to point out that I am extremely well versed in literary masterpieces such as 'He's Just Not That Into You' (yes, as seen on Oprah, biatches!). He has a phone, last time I saw him he had fingers, a voice box, a beating heart and *SNIFF* a cock (the last one has nothing to do with it though I just wanted to say it) so he is oh so capable of calling moi. I am a realist, some say pessamist, but I say realist. So I say to you all that there are plently more cocks where that came from! Don't cry for me Argentina. NEXT PLEASE!

That is the HORSE MEAT section in the supermarket. They EAT HORSE in Parma

Tonight I fancy going to Via Farini and I'm trying to russel up the gals. The weather is glorious and, after all, it is 'Cheat On Your Partner In Parma Night', so there will be lots of peeps out. Friday nights in Parma are when everyone goes out separately from their partners and cheats or at least checks out their options. Saturday nights are for the couples.

Via Farini. Not the greatest pic but we had to disguise that we were taking the pic of the Bitch Waitress

I'm also happy to announce that Italo has resurrected my hair straightener. It had been shorting out for a while and then finally on Monday the cord melted. Apparently it was from bending the cord. At the time it died, I didn't know whether to be more upset over Mr. Wonderful or the hair straightener. But it's back and that's fab!

Me. Loving myself sick in Mr. W's. Nothing new there.

This week I have been thinking that if there was a theme song for my life right now it would be 'We've Only Just Begun' by The Carpenters (so gay it's fabulous), mixed in while there's some MAJOR vinyl scratching happening with 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again (No Way Get Fucked Fuck Off)' by The Angels. Another feature song on the CD would def be 'Gimmie Head' by The Radiators. How could it not be there????

Emma thought this was the most hilarious park ever by me in The Terror Mobile. It caused a few stares by some old men, but I was like 'Bitches! It's, like, so totally still in the lines! So, like, kiss my ass!' And that is my ass poking out there for them to kiss.

What would your theme song be?

**I realise that the pics may interupt the actual post but it's just a cheap ploy to force you to look at each and every one. Jin: Evil World Domination has begun!

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Sunday, May 14, 2006

Long Time Between Blogs

First and foremost, dedicated readers, I'd like you all to accept my apologies for taking so freaking long to post. A few factors have contributed to this: an international guest, the death of the computer downstairs in Pam's place, the likely death of my computer by sledgehammer if I have to use it because it is so painfully slow. This will be a rather long one methinks, so brace yourselves......

I have been entertaining an international guest, Miss Olympia aka Emma, who came over for Round Two of fun times here in Parmageddon. It was her birthday and she was hanging with her bad self in Budapest, so I demanded she get her ass back here. She arrived on Wednesday and was lucky enough to have a lesbian-esque experience on the bus on the way to The 'Ganza with a heavily bearded, fellow female commuter who kept brushing her hand against her's and blushing. Thursday was her big day, but I had to work so we just went to Allie's after work and drank and ate. On Friday night we had big plans. We were going to hit the town and really 'rock out with our cocks out' (a fave saying of Ms. Olympia's), but those huge plans never did come to fruition with the two of us curled up in bed watching the TV by 8pm. Totally hard core, I know.

On Saturday we decided to do something a little touristy and we went back to the medieval town for a bit of a look around and a beverage. On the table next to us were some weird ass, Swiss fuckers drinking wine out of bowls. Bowls! WTF?!? Maybe it was some kind of strange custom to shun the use of a glass. And maybe the fat (as in probably hasn't seen his cock in the last decade or so) balding mofo that started taking pictures of me with his cell phone despite me flipping the bird at him on several occasions and saying 'Don't fucking take pictures of me you prick' was following some kind of weird custom too. I was close to picking up the empty water bottle and throwing it at his head. I was oh so very close. But instead I chose the Diva Turn Exit and stormed off to the car.

The great unveiling of Mr. Wonderful took place on Saturday afternoon. Emma is the first person from Australia to have met Mr. Wonderful. We went out to dinner where, of course, he asked her all about her sexual experiences. Threesomes? HLA (Hot Lesbian Action)? Anal? No stone was left unturned. He then trotted off to the discoteque and we went to Via Farini and met some of the other teachers for drinks and saw some peeps banging bongo drums in some kind of procession. I know not what it was in aide of.

Sunday morning came and we were gagging to get a bit of sport pumping through our veins. Parma was playing Milan that afternoon and it was going to be a sellout. We weren't sure if we would be able to get tickets because it was the last match of the season here in Parma and there are alot of Milan supporters here in Parma. A pact was made between the two of us that we would be willing to suck cock if it meant securing a couple of tickets. Much to our dismay, it didn't come to that. We got tickets without having to get down on bended knee. A bit disappointing considering we were looking forward to getting some pre game cock in mouth action. The weather was steaming hot, the beer gave us a headache and Parma lost, but we still had a great time.I bought a flag which I think I waved once and Emma bought a jersey and was looking hot to trot. We met up with Matteo and some of his friends and then met up with Jenny afterwards for a quick beverage at the Tapas Bar. We kicked on to Mr. W's and on the way back from the church he bought us icecream. How lovely of him!

The Parma Supporters.

Ms. Olympia left yesterday morning after a night of high drama. I'm thinking of changing Mr. W's name. Look at the list I have managed to come up with, read the story and then decide which one suits him the best.

The List of Possible Names:

Mr. Green Light Red Light
Mr. Hot Cold Hot Cold
Mr. I Don't Know What The Fuck I Want
Mr. Stop Trying To Control My Life

I think Mr. W is a serious contender for the next Oscar for Best Dramatic Performance. This is a bit of a long story but I need to tell you all of the facts so the picture is clear. On Thursday night I said to him 'Tomorrow is Emma's last night so do you want to go out for dinner?', to which he replied 'Yes'. Friday 5.30pm rocked around and he called and said 'I'm going out with my friend for dinner'. WTF? Usually, this kind of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest, but we had everything ready to go to his place after I had finished work etc and it was Emma's last night. So I just thought it was a little on the rude side.

After I hung up on him I called him back (I have been known to do this in the past as well, not with Mr. W, but the concept defies logic. Why hang up on someone and then call them back?). I said to him in a calm voice 'I asked you not once but twice last night if you were coming to dinner and you answered not once but twice that yes you would be coming out to dinner. And now you're saying you're not coming'. Then Mr. W decided that then was an appropriate time to get smart and answered 'So what is the problem? You can't eat dinner?' hahahaha! Score one Mr. W! Although at the time I was not laughing. He later sms'd me and said for us to go there at 7.30pm for dinner. I sent an sms back saying 'I'm working until 8.30pm. We'll get ready at your place and then go out. See you at 8.30'. During the drive to the school, we decided just to change the whole plan and go and hang at Allie's instead, since Mr. W was being a pain in the ass. When I finished work I called him to advise him of the change of plans and to go hang with his friend. He then told me that he had cancelled his plans and that he was waiting for us to have dinner at his house. I said Allie was having dinner with us too and that we were going to go to her house instead.

Cherry & Mr. W.

(Cher tries out new 'fringe hair look', Mr. W. had his man period that night too. I think it's a weekly thing)

Suddenly, going out for dinner turns into dinner at his place (at his insistence) and then when he got home from church he upped the anti, putting on the performance of his life. Declaring loudly at the stove to Emma that 'Tomorrow he would change his life'. How exactly, was not clear, but he continued with the bad manners and rude behaviour for the next half an hour. I say half an hour, because that is the length of time that we stayed there. When we were eating dinner I asked him what was wrong. 'I speak to you tomorrow'. Sorry fucker. Guess again, we'll speak now about this now since your being such an asshole in front of my friends. We all got our shit together (including vodka and tonic supplies) and Allie and Emma headed for the door whilst I stayed to 'chat' with Mr. W. The funny thing was that Mr. W was genuinely bewildered as to why we were ditching the dinner and got out of there. He must have been oblivious to the tension he had created.

Anyway, I stayed behind for a talk with him. And by talk I mean, him talking and not listening to a word that I said and him talking over the top of me. Apparently, it turns out he wanted some space and wanted to be alone that night. So why insist that we come over for dinner when the original plan was to go out? I'm still confused over this whole thing. I just don't understand. I think he thinks I'm trying to control his life and that has pissed me off because that is so not me. I'm a live and let live kinda gal.

I needed confirmation that I am not a control freak and sms'd my ex bf to ask him if I was like that. He replied that it was one thing I couldn't be accused of and that maybe Mr. W needs to change his diet and exercise program to allow more seratonin to his brain. hahaha. Loves it!

Maybe I should change his name to Ms. Wonderful because he is really carrying like a girl.

I haven't seen him since then but he just sms'd me so I don't know if I'll be seeing him later today. I certainly won't be the one to suggest a ren dez vous for fear of giving the impression that I am smothering him. hahaha. Oh Mr. W, for the love of god, let's attempt to regain the realness!!

On a lighter note, I sideswiped a fat lady decked out in aquamarine last Thursday. That kind of thing can happen when you step out onto the road in front of a car. Luckily no injuries were sustained by either the mirror or the fat lady. In fact, she didn't even appear to notice........

Thanks for your patience, biatches. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I'll also be posting pics of the swiss fat fuck and another bitch waitress on Via Farini that have made my hit list. Mr. W's pic might yet make that list. Stand by peeps.

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

May Day

We were up with the cocks this morning, peeps. Literally. The cocks were cock a doodle doo'ing when Mr. Wonderful and I dragged ourselves out of bed and made the trek back from the mountains and into civilisation.

Mr. Wonderful and one of the boys' younger sister

Yesterday was my very first May Day celebration and I went with the boys around on the bus. The boys actually left in the morning and I jumped on about midday. At first I thought I may die from all of the grown men singing accompanied by accordions, but I actually loved it! The bus takes everyone around to different villages and the men sing and the people in the houses put on food and wine. So I just walked around drinking, eating and shooting the breeze with the guys. What more could I ask for?

At a villager's house

When we got back to the village that we stay in I went to bed and Mr. Wonderful rocked on, putting in a solid 12 hours of drinking. He wasn't feeling so fabulous this morning though. For some reason I found this completely hilarious. I could not stop laughing when he said 'Amore. I die' over and over again whilst groaning in pain.

The festivities continue

We also went fishing in the rain. We went to a river that flowed through some beautiful country and Mr. Wonderful did catch a fish, but nothing to write home about.

The beginning of May also marks the beginning of a health kick.....or so I thought. Miss Olympia returns for her birthday and when there's an international guest in da house fun times are the priority. Although I will still be exercising in an effort to rid myself of this 'two pigs under a blanket' look I have happening with this ass o' mine.

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